I’ve noticed a steep increase in people warning me of the horrible experiences I am going to have, based in the horrible experiences they have had.
I think about it, because it is horrifying. But I realize they are projecting and I’ll tell you how I know.
Let’s say X thing happens to someone and they feel like Y about it. And then lets say X thing happens to me.
Does that mean I will feel Y too? Probably not.
You just can’t discount the fact, people are individuals. I can’t have the other person’s experience, even if I have their experience.
See what I mean?
Elsa, you are so right!! We are all unique individuals and we all have our own filtering system when we hear, see and experience things in our life. Any given experience between two individuals can be viewed and assimilated differently.
Agreed. You can tell when the “advice” or “warning” is based on fear/self loathing vs. Wisdom. I respect people who choose not to live out of fear. I love it when others see a higher perspective, rather than just their limited fear-based subjective one.
Hmm… yes, yes I do. Each person has the heart to hold different burdens from another person…. As in not everyone would want to be in my position (tough job, min benefits, tough commute, etc). They critique my decisions, maybe trying to be helpful. It’s okay. I understand where they’re coming from and see they are doing it with heart, but I also understand how I came here to my current life. I chose it. Here is where I can have enough (meaningful deep work, time for school, being with family). And for me, that can be enough. I think I know what you mean, Elsa, haha but of course, this is all filtered through my particular brain. 😛 very good point made.
How does this or any kind of projection relate to Venus inconjunct Pluto? I have that in my natal chart — Venus 3Aq, Pluto 3 Vir.
In this case, Venus in Leo, conjunct my natal Venus. Pluto in Capricorn represents the shadow of doom, cast on the sunny, childlike qualities of Venus in Leo.
If you post your question with your chart on the forum here: https://www.elsaelsa.com/forum/
Someone is sure to weigh in.
I got a lot of this when I moved too. People pretending to be helpful by warning you and ‘sharing’ their crap experiences. I think it’s a devious way of ripping off your enthusiasm and joy because they have none of their own. Pay no heed, and keep doing your thing.
Not projecting – warning, pointing out what could happen, and that no matter how hard you try to keep rose colored glasses in place, you could find that you are not living where you think you are. Of course this is a follow on from what I posted yesterday about small towns etc…
Or I could find the exact opposite. That I’m living in the place that’s just right for me…and I’ll be happy here for the rest of my life.
I think the latter is more probable than the former, due in large part, to my psychological make-up. 🙂
Not always easy to make a difference between people who share their experiences authentically to help a person avoid errors (although sometimes those on the receiving end don’t listen/don’t want to know)
and people who “share their experience” to downgrade your choices, instill doubt etc.
Jealous party poopers, I think!
Ditto @Opal, in other words.
As someone who knows for a fact that I personally share my experiences not to take away anyone’s joy or happiness, but simply to give a possibility of what could happen…I have to be honest, I never thought that anyone would take it as me being a party pooper or trying to ruin anyone’s good time. That’s never my intention!
I appreciate hearing someone’s experiences, because I can usually find a lot of information in asking a person to share their experiences…so that’s why I assumed others would want to hear mine.
This reminds me of when I was pregnant with my first child. Every single woman I came across decided to tell me all the details of their experience with childbirth. They frightened me so much by my 6th month I was trying to figure out why I even decided to have a child at all.
They described endless hours of labor and horrible pregnancy problems that kept me up at night. I am surprised my little Libra wasn’t born with a case of the nerves. One story after the next of blood and near death.
While I had a tough time getting him here when they handed him to me it all seemed to fall away. I hardly remembered a bit of it. I was so in love with my child I couldn’t remember 12 hours of labor that led to a C-section.
When I was pregnant with my youngest I decided I couldn’t hear another story like that and found a way to halt these kinds of discussions with polite ways of opting out of the conversation, changing the subject. I knew what I was getting into and I didn’t need anyone polluting my mind with all that nightmarish fear even though I am sure they felt all of it during their experience.
“This reminds me of when I was pregnant with my first child. Every single woman I came across decided to tell me all the details of their experience with childbirth. ”
Yes, that’s a good analogy/
And me, I always love the childbirth stories. Probably because I never did it. I lamazzed a couple. It was an eye opener alright.
It seems people might be taking this as directed at them. Please keep in mind, I have met a hundred people in this area in the last two months. They’ll all had something to say. This is not personal to anyone here! 🙂
It is meant to cover a vast idea…which I tried to convey in the piece – “steep increase”. “
We had just got our greyhound at 6 months and strangers would come up to pet him and then share in detail how they lost their greyhound due to cancer or whatever and how they could never have another dog again.
It’s like, I know you feel the need to have someone empathise and listen to your story when lots of people don’t get it, but I just got this dog! He is only 6 months and I don’t want to think about that right now, thanks. But to be polite you listen and they feel better and off they go. Now he is 7 and when the time comes I hope I won’t offload onto others the same way! And I hope his life will inspire me to rehome another ex racer, rather than let bereavement stop me from helping another lovely soul.
I’ve been doing hair a long time. Over a decade. And I talk to my clients. Ive talked to enough women and men to see patterns of behavior emerge in certain scenarios like divorce for example. There is a very broad response to divorce I’ve found. Men react in a certain way and women react in a certain way. If one of my clients is going through a divorce I try to tell them what I’ve learned from others. (And my own situation). But I see a difference between giving advice and trying to manipulate someone’s own feelings about the situation. I would never try to rob anyone of any of their feelings whether they be joyful or sad.
And ya know I realized after I read this that this kind of thing is one of my pet peeves. I never realized why it irritated me just that it did. I have a friend that does this a lot. And we are veeeery different people. She has a lot of insecurities around her appearance and that seems to rule a lot of her thinking. And I really don’t. Not that I always love how I look; it just doesn’t matter to me. But a lot of the advice she gives me is kind of centered around how to feel better about how I look. and I have a lot of issues. That just isn’t one of them. I just have to filter a lot of the advice she gives me. I like to at least give her enough credit to consider her point of view and honor her own experience. Maybe it’s more about that for me than recieveing the advice? Maybe it’s more about me providing a space for her to express herself? Plutonian way to look at it I guess. Throw your feelings into the black hole that I am.
I agree, there is a big difference between giving advice and trying to manipulate someone’s own feelings about a situation.
This is making me think back to all the times I’ve shared things…I have to admit, it makes me feel pretty low to think for an instant that people took what I said in the way of manipulation or something else negative.
I know some transits are heavy or require “warnings” but I also thought the whole chart and transits together gave the bigger picture? I’ve been guilty of isolating a transit interpretation but you could have another big one going on that is great or at least diminishes the effects of the “bad” one?
Everyone’s experiences and “takeaway” is unique and personal. What’s a lovely thing for one person may bore another, etc. We are all building our own journeys, day by day, transit by transit, right?
I’ve had tough times, been in weird places. But looking back, so glad, learned something, or found a connection, or had a valuable epiphany each time. You can never tell. That’s called Life. One can hide in a hermit hole, or go live, eh. So, look for the gold. And anyway, everything takes two — anything can be transformed.
When I was a kid, I hated third grade. I can’t recall why! My five-years-older brother said, Okay, but you have to be there. So pretend you are a spy. You have no choice, but to be there, right? So, exist, really look at how kids live and get along as if you are one of them, and make more friends, to help save the world! So I went to school with this goofy idea and powered on and yeah of course, soon I was fine and happy. He’d made me look closer, and find my way.
Power onward, Elsa, my guess is that you’ll be fine!
I just don’t get why people would feel the need to share their bad experiences in such a situation – moving house, especially to a completely new place is one of the most stressful things anyone will ever do. It’s exhilarating, scary and physically demanding – what you need is support,people cheering you on so you can remain positive in the face of all that stress. If you go into a place expecting the worst that is what you’ll attract. If you feel positive, hey, guess what happens? All the warnings, no matter how well-intentioned, just undermine the process and burden you more than you already are.
Libra noir said, “I just have to filter a lot of the advice she gives me. I like to at least give her enough credit to consider her point of view and honor her own experience.”
That is all about EXCHANGE in relationships. We are responsible for our own filtering. You can dismiss the advice or the story or you can resent it or you can brood over it or even tell the person to shut up. We all have had those exchanges where the other person says “Well,you think that’s bad, listen to this…” and proceeds with a story that puts your hair on end! I don’t know their intention. Maybe they just want to say, “be grateful, it could be worse.” Or maybe they just need a listening ear or someone to care about them. As Village Girl suggests, that’s life with others. (I’ll bet you really love that brother of yours, Girl.)
Btw, I always thought that an inconjunct Pluto to Venus made it difficult to find “the one” so to speak, like bad timing or just missing the mark. Any thoughts?
I think lots of times people want to make it all about them and there is little thought as to how it may affect the recipient. I’m not saying these people are always purposely rude, but they hear a story and add their experiences. It’s also up to the person sharing their experiences to filter them, too. TMI. My mom does this often. Not much filter.
Inconjuncts are two different modalities AND different elements. They have a more difficult time understanding each other so they often miss the mark. Confused, bad-timing, misdirected….those kinds of things.
The bottom line is that not everyone is an optimist. There are those of us that are pessimists or what I call realists. The crap seems to keep coming and no matter what one tries to do to stop it, it keeps coming. Troubles are multiplying for a lot of folks and the saying is true that misery loves company and then there is the fact that Pessimists and Optimists just can’t get along, because they irritate each other to no end.
Great comment. Thank you! I responded to it here – https://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/pessimists-vs-optimists/
I don’t so much mind people’s stories, but if everything has a negative tone, my energy starts to tank and I have to walk away. I’m thinking it’s just the memories that are called up in a situation. And some have alot of grievous memories. I love the SNL sketch about the Girl You Are Sorry You Started A Conversation With. One of my sisters has always been fascinated with people’s misfortunes. She would visit my mom and tell her all her ‘news.’ My mom called her bad news charlie.