Venus In Scorpio: Love and Pain

“No matter what car we put you in, you drive it right into a ditch,” I explained to a client.

The car in this case represents various men she has met and dated.

“If the guy is a jerk or a jackass, you invest heavily and make every excuse in the world for him. If the guy is not a jerk, you immediately set out to destroy the thing…”

She laughed heartily and did not disagree.

Do you see yourself in this?  What’s your story?

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Venus In Scorpio: Love and Pain — 42 Comments

  1. There’s that whole… ‘let’s see how much I can take’ kind of Scorpio thang. It’s a tough nut to crack alright. Age helps. You just get ‘tired’ after awhile, ya know?

    It’s like you look at your life crumbled around at your feet- ya pick up the pieces ‘again’ and you finally realize- ‘ya, I can do this, ya I can take this… so why do I keep thinking I gotta prove it anymore??? Duh!?

  2. Elsa, what specifically about her chart made you say this? House placement? Aspects? Or just venus in scorpio full stop? I am curious as I also have venus in scorpio!

      • Or get bitter. Thats another Venus in Scorpio signature.
        We love hard and painfully….We go deep and give all. Obsessive jealous and possessive because we are petrified they will leave. We demand proof all the time that love us as hard and will bleed for us like we do them. We see our flaws so we forgive the ones we love when they have flaws.because….hey…this existance is temporal. Love is to the death and beyond.
        We love the longest and the hardest. Once heartbroken we bleed…sometimes for years.
        Yeah….it sucks.
        But age does make us wiser if not cynical or bitter. The pain makes us stronger. Sort of like a scorpio sting. Get stung enough you build up an immunity.after a while you just get tougher.

        • Absolutely….I feel the path of natal venus in scorpio is to find their self worth in the end…a journey through many painful relationships which break us down so we have to re-build ourselves stronger….it is f***ing hardcore pain…masocistic (don’t think I spelt that right…but you get the idea!)

      • Every relationship has been painful…you learn but then you go into the next painful relationship, I think there must be an addiction to pain to feel something. I go for emotionally unavailable men, men who can’t show affection…and I’m miserable, but then someone who shows me affection or interest I find smothering…I don’t think I will ever win.

  3. Love this one. Nice to hear it from the flip side. I’ve long felt that destroying me is a game. When I’ve let it happen, they get bored and move on to the next one. I liken it to the cat and the mouse. You know how the mouse is all dizzy and barely alive and then it croaks and the cat tries throwing it up in the air to make it move and then gets bored and walks away.

  4. Venus in Scorp, 12th house. Right alongside Scorp rising, NN and Neptune.

    Just got easier to not have a partner. The relationships I had sucked the life out of me.

    I’ve worked a TON on me since – but if somebody comes along, it’s going to have to be really special between us for me to consider it.

  5. trying to fix my pluto venus mommy issues is what. apparently i looked for guys who exhibited expressions of her worst traits for awhile.

  6. and my story is i set out to find the “love of my life” since i was five years old! maybe even before that. the plus is that since i started that early i made enough painful mistakes that i am wont not to repeat. but the tricky part is that since i’ve had some ecstatic moments with an SO, i am a bit too jaded to give guys a chance.

    i chalk it up to my venus-neptune. and my virgo-scorpio combo.

  7. Sigh. I so relate, and with the post about letting ones be destroyed rather than destroying.
    Venus conjunct Neptune in 12th (two degrees off ascendant) square Mars in Leo and square saturn in Aqua (Mars, Saturn, of course, opposing one another). On top of this, I have major whatever you call it of Uranus/Pluto conjunct Ceres on MC (sextile venus) square Sun Merc and exact opposite exact Jupe/Chiron conjunction in fourth. So, I get men seeing me as the mother who can fix their abandonment/addiction issues latching on; or I get men who are attracted by/threatened by me, as they want totally to be centre of attention/the “creative one” in any couple, and want the whole world – and not just me – to adore them. Whereas I just want one loyal person.
    I’m not at all sure how one ever manages a Venus in the 12th that is squared by both Saturn and Mars. I deal with it by burying myself in work – not hard to do, as destiny seems to mean that no matter how hard I try, and with Pluto Uranus in 10th, I can’t find a job that offers a work/life balance. I am either unemployed or in jobs that require 70 hour a week commitment, and usually involve little contact with men. It’s all extreme and it makes me tear my hair out.
    So destiny seems to mean that at nearly 50, I rarely meet anyone these days, and any of those I do meet who seem balanced and nice and stable are already taken. I don’t have time to do internet dating, and even if i did, with Venus-Neptune and all the squares, I just KNOW that I would attract the worst of what is out there.
    So yes, Venus in the 12th ends up becoming a hermit. A compassionate hermit, who desperately desires a deep and exclusive connection, who has learned from past mistakes, but who never seems to meet appropriately stable and available types at work or in the context of favourite hobby (music), and who wouldn’t know where else to look, even if she made the time.

  8. Oh wow, yeah. This is me. My Pluto in Scorp on the Desc. really does a number on me with that. I have GOT to change it. I know that all my relationships will simply always have a strong Pluto signature, but it is my job to express that is a way that leads to bonds and depth and transformation, not sickness and destruction. I’ve destroyed so many things, and I have a pretty good idea of how bad I can make it hurt. Healing is the new unknown. 🙂

  9. Wait- you mean there’s another way to do it? 🙂 Seriously, I think it really comes down to not being able to find a guy who’s good to you that you’re also attracted to. Having one or the other never works. A strong sexual connection is worth at least temporarily investing heavily in the way few other things are.

  10. Some are quick to say “Well, your problem is that you’re not attracted BECAUSE the guy is good to you.” No. Although I can see how it could appear that way. It’s about chemistry.

  11. I’m looking at my much younger self and shaking my head. I was a psycho bitch queen!

    I have Venus conjunct Pluto, and Pluto in Scorpio was squaring my Sun and chart ruler Mars back then.

    I was in a longish run of bad relationships – all my fault due to a busted picker – and when a nice guy that I didn’t pick (Sun/Mars, warrior and hunter) tried to get with me, I destroyed it.

    I eventually woke up and broke the self-destructive pattern. I’ve been with my husband for 22 years.

    • When I took Elsa’s recent class, a question that was in the back of my mind was “why were stable, serious men attracted to me? I’m a kook! WTH?”

      Venus aspects Saturn (wide trine), Uranus (conjunction), Neptune (close sextile) and Pluto (conjunction)! I tended to focus on the crazy and destructive/Phoenix side of my love nature, the two conjunctions, instead of what these stable men saw, Earth Venus/Pluto trine Earth Saturn and sextile Water Neptune. They saw the good, reliable partner side of me that I refused to acknowledge. A lot of late degree Taurus Suns were attracted to me (and I married a late degree Capricorn Sun) because the Venus/Saturn/Neptune/Pluto configuration is in late degrees.

  12. wow sounds like Pisces venus too, and maybe cancer venus. i think too earth venuses….i have a feeling earth/water does not like “nice”…
    or lackluster. you can’t pry anything out of it.

  13. Venus in Scorpio in my 4th conjunct Uranus and NN, and largely conjunct Moon. I used to be like this and worse. Then I had my Saturn return, Saturn/Sun opposition, went through a scary process of transformation, and came out on the bright side. This CAN be healed.

    • I have Venus in Capricorn sextile Mars in Pisces, Pluto in Libra squaring Venus in Cap and the Pisces Mars too. I also love taking care of jerks because the bottom line is, even if it’s only temporary, the sexy jerk is still doing more for me than the nice guy I feel nothing for.

  14. I think bad choices have a biological basis. Maybe the jerk’s DNA is just stronger than the nice guy’s in terms of survival ability and that’s the real pull. If you can’t find someone you’re attracted to who’s also good to you this is the reality.

    • Yup. I feel the power in them regarding how they use it. Not all, but Some nice guys are….dead. Somewhere along the line their masculine passion left them and they gave up giving the finger to those who want them to fit…assimilate and cause no trouble.Im not talking about BAD bad boys. Just men who rely more on their inner compass and sticking with their beliefs and their passions.frontiersmen.

      Im just saying.

      • Yes exactly. I think a guy who’s been thought-policed into submission, emotionally exsanguinated and cut off from his own primal masculine energy and instincts is in a sad and terrible place. When did people start automatically equating strong and manly with abusive traits?

  15. I knew a girl with Venus in Scorpio and she had great relationships, but then again Scorpio/Pluto is either ‘really, really horrible’, or ‘really, really, great!’ Not much in between.

    I guess there are ‘moderates’, but those Scorpions have learned from their ashes.

  16. I am a male born with Mars and Venus in Libra. Venus has progressed into Scorpio in my chart, and Mars will soon be joining in. I’ve been wandering what Venus in Scorpio is bringing into my life. During the last half year, most of my few contacts started confiding in me and asking me for advice. The sharing of secrets, which I usually take in with a neutral attitude. Recently I angrily spilled some of my ex’s secrets to a person she’s been talking to, about me, behind my back. Now I have to deal with damage control and the knowledge that I do not deserve my ex anyway because her secrets are not safe with me. Othet than that, I’ve been making intense melodies after the breakup, I guess that fits the description. And my ex had been the most secretive person I’ve ever met.. she even accused me of making her open up too much, with what I perceive as my normal conversation style. As for who sabotaged the relationship… we both accuse each other for it.

  17. I have Venus conjunct Jupiter in Scorpio in my 9th house and I can say that I do not relate to this. I married the first man I dated and this October, we will be married 20 years. I think my Venus is more Sagittarian flavored due to the placement.

  18. I am very happy about Venus in Scorpio popping up (again) as an issue…

    I have recently met a Libra girl with Venus (conjunct Mercury) in Scorpio… I am attracted to her and I THINK, or, rather, I SENSE she is attracted to me, but cannot say for sure…

    All I can say, she is very cautious with me… she keeps me at a distance.. Whenever she needs me, she comes to me.. otherwise, whenever I ask her out, she is not available..

    I can now understand why Elsa wrote “If the guy is not a jerk, you immediately set out to destroy the thing…”.. I really feel like being tested…

    The good thing is that I also have Scorpio placements conjunct her Scorpio placements, my Moon-Uranus on her Merc-Venus… I understand deep and transforming relationships, it’s what I have had all my life.. (Pluto in Libra)

    This is also a chance for me to understand and get over the power games I play in relationships, and to clarify the kind of relationship that I want with a woman from now on…

    Whether this one works out or not, I really don’t know… It’s really a challenge though and I can feel myself evolving…

    Any feedback will be welcome..

  19. I have moon conjunct Neptune conjunct Mercury in Scorpio…so I can sense when people do not like my energy. Now with Pluto transiting the 1st house I do feel myself evolving and changing. I have never had a long term relationship but the upcoming lunar eclipse could usher some new people and aspects. With 3 natal planets in Scorpio, I appreciate self healing and our ability to transform well.

  20. I suddenly realized that with my Venus, Sun and Jupiter conjunction in Scorpio 9th house I had actually missed something as to why I don’t feel very Scorpio’sqe…

    Then I read about Venus in Sag, Sun in Sag and boy have I missed something giant about my own nature! My love is more like a Sag than Scorpio, unless you remove the security and my possessions. But that has to do with my 8H moon I guess.

    So much of the Sag nature was spot on, it was like a sweet Heureka-moment finally understanding why I was so bloody attracted to Geminis… ?

    My current BF is Taurus Sun and Moon/Venus Gemini. Fits me perfectly, we love to talk and go on adventures together. Classical Sag. But the innocent naivité about people has hurt me devestatingly in the past, so no more rose colored glasses now ??

  21. i am not sure what planets hit me soothe scare me stretch me or just merely marvel with me,scorpios have scarred me,once told ,scars were sexy;i dont need the scorpios in my world from before,i have my own sexy ,its little ole me,quite happy without the scarry.

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