Venus In Capricorn: Reject Them Before They Reject You

rejectionThis was a follow on to this post: Capricorn And Rejection. A lot of people weighed in around how they handled being rejected. I wanted to expand the discussion.

Venus is currently conjunct Mars in Capricorn. People don’t feel optimistic about relationships going well, do they’re busting all kinds of defensive (Saturn) moves.

Specifically, you may reject people before they can reject you. You’re so sure the sky is going to fall it’s easier to fall the sky yourself than live with the threat which is often times, imagined!

This is extremely common for anyone with Venus in Capricorn or Venus in aspect to Saturn. Generally you dump the other before they can dump you. I did this myself when I was young. It’s something you have to resolve on your own.

To manage this tendency which might even be called a “reflex”, you’ve got to identify what’s happening. You’re terrified of being rejected! Once you see what’s driving you, you can train yourself to take risks until you slowly get on top the problem.  It’s like anything else Saturn-related. You’ve got to face your fear and plod through it.

Have you ever ended a relationship because you feared being rejected?  What’s the astrology?

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Comments

Venus In Capricorn: Reject Them Before They Reject You — 42 Comments

  1. I’ve probably not started one related to this.

    My Venus is Scorpio in a t-square with my Mars in Aquarius rising, and Saturn rx in Taurus

  2. Okay this is definitely a sign, that I have a rejection problem and this time it was spelt out to me.

    I have a heavily influenced Saturn Chart and I also have a Cap Venus. Some times I don’t start relationships because I think I have too many problems for another person to deal with. But the truth is I don’t (just stories in my head).

    But I’ve learnt recently that this is what is keeping me lonely and the universe has told me twice today. Thank you for the post Elsa. 🙂

  3. Yes, lots of Capricorn including Venus. I’m always expecting the sky to fall so I have often pulled the sky down on top of my head myself to save it the trouble.

  4. I have venus conjunct mars and saturn in cap. I’ve taken rejection to a whole new level, before the world rejects me, i’ve rejected the world? crazy huh!

  5. Oh I’m even worse – if I even fancy someone and I know they like me I avoid them. Or if I can’t avoid them I don’t look at them. Or if I look at them, apparently it is not at all obvious I like them!

    My Venus is sextile Saturn though, so there must be other things at play too. Prob’ly Scorp and Pluto and Cancer.

  6. Like Bruce said, i’ve not started relationships because of this: I’ve got Venus mashed up with Saturn natally and it’s hard for me to separate the two. I’m now working on opening up to people, and possible love-interests, without rejecting them from the start. Very hard. And it starts with genuinely enjoying my own company. All i can say is: yay! Because i think i’ve found the key.

  7. I have weird rejection issues. I don’t want to be accepted by everyone else because I’m “just like everyone else” but I don’t want to be rejected because I’m different. Yes, i drive myself insane so often that my psyche can go there on autopilot now.

    To answer the question..yes, I have. Many, many, many times and it is only a pattern I recently noticed. I deals with a lot of relationship sabatoge and flat out fear I didn’t realize I had (12h Cap). It Mars/Uranus made it easy for me to motivated to bolt. And Scorp Merc and Lilith were just paranoid enough to talk me into it.

  8. I’ve got venus conjunct saturn, yet I’m not usually the one to break things off. I do remember breaking up with my boyfriend before I left for college. But we’d only been dating for like a month, we weren’t close and it wasn’t going anywhere, plus I was getting ready to go 5hrs from home for 4+ yrs. Otherwise, I’m usually the one to get dumped,
    Angie

  9. I’m preventing them from happening right now, because I’m afraid of being rejected (and stopped trying for years, with people, even as friends, thanks to extreme anxiety and feeling tired of nasty people/not feeling able to trust anyone).

    Right now, I feel as though I’m just daring anyone to meet or date me, like “go ahead, punk, make my day.”

  10. I’ve done this several times, but I don’t straight out reject anyone, I make them reject me. I expect them to reject me anyway, and it’s easier to handle when I’ve done something to deserve it.

    Cappy Venus in aspect to Saturn.

  11. Wow – Venus in Cap, also squaring Saturn here. Yes…I’ve definitely rejected people *before* they rejected me. Caused quite a bit of upheaval and drama…I’m working on it… 😛

  12. Oh, and thank you for writing these… I think I said that last week, but I’m not sure. I woke up at midnight, after having dreamt about a boy from my past (teens) who asked me out just before we moved back over here. We’d been gone for two weeks, to California, and my mother, when I was talking to her about him yesterday, pointed out that he’d probably taken me for granted until I was gone for two weeks, and he missed me. I turned him down, because of the way he started to ask me: “I heard you had a crush on me” in front of both of our families, and just left me feeling even more embarrassed. I keep dreaming about these boys who wanted to date me when we were kids, and I was wary from the age of six, so I was exceptionally careful. Things have only been weird for me as an adult, and I miss those days – I dreamt of G. singing to me, and of D. having a nice chat with me (just friendly) at a BBQ or something, his wife inside, and knowing that we were talking (and being fine with it).

  13. I love to read about this.

    I’ve never ended a relationship because I feared being rejected. But I’ve done worse than that: I haven’t let it begin in the first place.

    I’ve got Venus in Cap and I was terrified all right.

    I still am but now I know better and I’ve got a plan.=)

  14. I have Venus-Saturn, Venus-Uranus, and a boat load of 8th House personal planets, so it would manifest as people reaching out, me being unsure and non-committal, and ultimately ‘rejecting’ them early because I felt if they got any closer/deeper they wouldn’t see what they liked. They’d be repulsed or change their mind or whatever. But since all I’m doing is putting lots of space between us, and they’re not that clingy with their friends to begin with. They don’t know I’m “rejecting” them so they keep coming back, and I know that they genuinely like me and are comfortable with me. I guess Pluto in the 11th keeps drawing them back, too.

    But, it really helps if you’re comfortable with your own skin through and through. Then there’s no reason people shouldn’t get closer. You don’t feel repulsive or faulty or etc. Not that the feelings don’t sometimes come back, but at least I know they’re just worries and irrational and can soothe myself when I start to get antsy.

  15. Oh yeah. I have Venus Saturn. I haven’t broken up with someone first, but I have:

    (a) NOT expressed interest in a fellow (and I mean, I won’t even speak to them, look at them, or acknowledge they exist after awhile) I found attractive because I figured they weren’t interested. To be honest, I think I was right every single time this happened–a dude’s gonna have to show some interest on his own first before I reciprocate and they didn’t care if I was on the planet either– but I am not the sort to “just take a shot and see.”

    Then again, I’ve really hated those moments when someone I found to be godawful told me that he really really liked me, so I don’t want to do that to someone else who clearly doesn’t care if I exist either. I hate that feeling and I am not going to inflict it upon someone else.

    (b) When it comes to friends, I realized recently that I really, really dislike asking people to do things with me (if they haven’t already indicated that they’d be into it). Because I get SO UNREASONABLY BUTTHURT if I ask and they say no or just ignore me. I was so steamed over the coven breaking up because I tried multiple times over the summer to get people together and they all just ignored me, or said they were interested and then didn’t show up.

    With regards to my ex-mentor, she vaguely indicated at one point the last time we talked that she hadn’t had the energy to plan anything, but if someone else had offered (note that someone else hinted, or so I thought)…so I made an offer, got an answer of “I’ve moved on magically and won’t do anything with you any more,” and assumed from there that the answer was a no to hanging out, especially since the ex-mentor then went on about all the new activities she was doing with other people now. I took the hint and went away. I recounted this to my shrink and she was all, “no, as long as you didn’t want to do magic with her, it was okay! you could ask!”

    Then it occurred to me that if ex-mentor is sooooo busy with her new life, she’ll probably be too busy, and reject me again, and I’ll get all butthurt AGAIN, and…oh, why fucking bother. She’s already out of my life. Why try to get her back? That never works.

    It is DEFINITELY easier and less painful to reject myself first. No question that I prefer that to “giving someone a chance.” I just flat out do not want to do that any more for pretty much any reason. The “chance” hurts me too much.

  16. Wow. Venus in Capricorn, Saturn in my first house. Yeah. Exactly. I have pulled the sky down, and done exactly what Opal does to. Exactly! I am getting to the point after my last attempt, as the 7th house Capricorn person put it, to have an affair with him, that I don’t care to ever have another relationship that is close again. I don’t even trust my ex anymore with my feelings, and he and I are friends still. We get a little closer every day, but I can feel myself stating to pull back now. I am going to pull the sky down again.

  17. I hate to disagree .. but carrie i think venus in aries fears rejection the most… we don’t even understand it… in my case every relationship brings a overwhelming sense of anxiety(which manifests as confusion and fear then anger & blame – coz the other person can affect me) … and unlike all other signs the aries in me tries to fix it even if it is all only in my head.. issues become larger than they are, insecure behavior manifests and everyone accuses me of over reacting, being needy one minute and aloof the next and generally being negative… i believe Kstew has been apparently doing the same off late and she is aries.. so this is another way to reject rejection (the abnormal behavior just pushes the other person away anyway)

  18. Venus sq Saturn – I write alot about it. Textbook case which I’ve finally gotten a handle on. I have done things like sunnysadge said above or like jenfulmoon. Not anymore. got past it. Yay!

  19. Currently dating a Cappy Venus who tried to pull this sort of preemptive dump on me after a fight we had back in January. I just told him that no, he couldn’t break up with me, and we got past it. Ironically, I think my own Venus Saturn conjunction helped me to manage the situation and understand what was happening rather than just run in fear.

  20. It’s so done to me! My (V in Cap) sq (Sat in Libra), not to mention stellium in Libra, has not alloud a exclusive relationship to develop at all. Hes tried in the past but has some serious conflicts. One of them being understandable. But I still dont see how it can be overcome. Anyways, he tries to sabotage, but Im like very resiliant. Before I even knew of the Astrology of it, I knew the love was there, especially after he said it. Anyways it takes a spine of steel for sure. And of course the feeling of true love. What reasonates has power and will prevail. “True love conquers all?” We will have to see…

  21. Yes, I did this when I was young, but only with perfectly wonderful me, not the ones I thought would reject me. Venus square Saturn. Moon and Jupiter in Capricorn; Moon opposite Uranus (the flight instinct). As I got older, I realized it had something to do with someone I loved leaving me when I was young — my mother, who died when I was 16.

  22. I don’t run away from relationships or intimacy, or passion; but I think I must somehow set up scenarios which I know deep down will end up putting the kybosh on the affair. But this is more to do with establishing boundaries than fear.

    I do feel this scenario at work in my friendships though. I’ve had several friends I cared for, amputate for no good reason that I can ascertain, and fear of that rejection does operate in myriad ways in my non-sexual relationships.

    Venus in Cap opp Saturn.Mars, sq Neptune and Jupiter/Chiron

  23. Yes, certain I have, exactly one year ago
    Started seeing someone I went to school with; we always got on good but we were both married.So I guess I felt used by a 3 rd party and I ripped off a 1’ text
    He responded with 4 words, I blocked him
    We weirdly found each other a week before Christmas and about 2 weeks later
    I blocked erased deleted? I hate setting my thoughts with maybes.Certain I close doors as so familiar with my repeat pattern of feeling thrown away.This morning as love is blowing through the air
    I am looking towards spring list of chores
    Busy a blocker to any pity-party, oh well
    Time will tell my days and nights ahead.
    My phone ,always here, before reading
    I was writing,again,the beginnings of
    “What,when, where , and why did I begin with the patterns of fear?

  24. Venus in Capricorn here and I have as much rejected as rashly got involved and then got dumped or I decided later to reject them. This was all due to immaturity and fear of course. Now I am fearing rejection of my current S.O. as we need each other in life and care for each other but I drive him crazy.

  25. I have Venus in Cap, and I do this all the time ? Add a Libra Moon conj. Virgo Mars 12th house into the mix – it takes a lot for me to trust anyone! But there has also been an upside to shedding my skin so often; it has kept my life interesting. Thankfully, over time, I’m now able to discern the difference between my own destructive fears and the need for efficient boundaries.

  26. hmm nope. i was rejected and i was a risk taker all my life with love, and i think because i have 1st house venus, it is like an aries venus (it can be a detriment i guess) but aries/ fire is a risk taker and doesn’t care if she gets shot down. I dont cry if i get shot down because its okay. I know i wasn’t what the other person wanted and that’s allright with me. At least i tried you know? I went along my merry way. No fear. And i have a capricorn venus.

    • what i do notice with capricorn venus is that i dont want to be with a poor man. even i’m poor, because i know whats it like to be poor and starving so i dont want that. He has to be able to provide me. Unfortunately my first husband was a drug addict and alcholic so he can’t provide anything. He did come from a wealthy family who threw money at him. I didnt see any of it. But i think when i was young i thought we can do sometihng together and plan a future and make money because at least he had a foothold with his college money all taken care of and his expenses including a house, but nope it didnt work out. Like i said, risk taker and risk taking with life. You win some and lose, and unfortunately i lost alot.

      • sorry i forgot to mention because i have a strong 12th house, everything was love at first sight, so with my first husband i fell in love and didnt know his family at all, just wanted to be with him. after i learned my lesson with first husband i wished for a hard working man and i got that, but he turned out abusive. so that also didnt work out. I didnt love him at first sight though, but i became in love with his hard working skills and talents (in time: saturn) for being a professional handyman and super helpful. I think because it was opposite of my first, i dont know if thats because of disappointment with last husband before. I sure wanted to learn from my awful lessons and i did. Astrology made me realize how houses take such a strong effect, and i notice they are subconsicious. we dont realize we are gravitating to it. I wonder if it’s because my first husband was a pisces sun with pisces stellium and he projected love at first sight with me, and the 2nd was saturnian Aquarius sun, and he used “time” instead of love at first sight. hmmm something to think about.

  27. Not answering your question directly, but mom had this natally, Venus, Mars, Saturn and Sun in Capricorn. She and dad were married 60 years – she also had Juno rising. There was that aspect to her character at times, and a bit morose. However, she had Saggittarius rising and a strong Jupiter – so she ended up ok.

  28. My mum was Venus Cap and this reminded me of one of her love advice: Don’t ever allow yourself to be dumped, you dump him before it happens to you, it gives you the power and you will avoid humiliation. I was never dumped, I would leave at the first sense it could happen to me.

    I can’t say I agree.

  29. Even though you’re the astrologer, not me, I feel the reasoning behind the dumping you mentioned is not accurate. I’m a Capricorn Venus. I’ve never had anyone break up with me necessarily. I’ve done some dumping, for sure! But it’s not a fear of rejection when it comes to love at all. I’ll admit I’m more prone to setting myself up to being rejected behind my back by working peers because I have self depreciated myself and settled for being pushed aside by competitive types, despite being very capable I hate competing, it’s exhausting. Maybe that’s where my fear of rejection lies. But with partners it’s very cut and dry which makes more sense as a Venus in Capricorn. I break up with them because typically they chased me and convinced me to give them a go, eventually I do and enjoy the relationship until their dysfunction becomes more bothersome than being single. The drunk yelling at 3 am because he needs sex, the eastern European who kept trying to sneak anal when I don’t like it, the biker who ended up doing too much cocaine etc. When they hurt more than bring joy plus me knowing I’m not in love… I break it off. Now I’m happily married but it took a lot of almost supernatural intervention to prove he was the one as my trust was thin and despite having moments of feeling very in love I often love him yet not passionate as I’d like. I really think Capricorn Venus gals appear mysterious and illusive to men and we get chased yet we really base more value in earthy grounded dependable love rather than crazy love.

    • YES!
      I kept reading the responses and yours is the one that had me go DING DING DING! You wrote:
      “they chased me and convinced me to give them a go, eventually I do and enjoy the relationship until their dysfunction becomes more bothersome than being single.”
      Which doesn’t seem to take long to appear the dysfunction which I find a betrayal to the process or way/how the relationship came to be almost more than the personal hurt to me … I want to say get back to yourself person and what you were saying and doing to get us here in the first place as I didn’t have a game plan to get you, you came for me so you remember why.” Which ties into this that you also wrote:
      “Capricorn Venus gals appear mysterious and illusive to men and we get chased yet we really base more value in earthy grounded dependable love rather than crazy love.”
      Hahaha! So true which I guess could be considered “crazy love” from the other perspective … That high or rush that comes with “passion” ugh … It can be thrills but loses depth, lustre, meaning or interest factor much quicker for me than the other way around.
      -What you wrote about setting myself up to be rejected behind my back by competitive working peers and especially the EXHAUSTION of competing … UGH.

      Anyway … I just unloaded all that out of excitement … LOL.
      Thank you for taking the time to write it … It was healing reading. Pardons if it reads choppy and all over the place.

  30. Venus conjunct Neptune and square Saturn. I put them on a pedestal and simultaneously feared they would reject me, but I usually wasn’t the one to end it because I was too busy dreaming about and pining over them. How embarrassing.

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