Venus in Aries Opposing Mars in Libra – Dealing With Anger and Projection

duelingI had quite a few people contact me about today’s blog post, How Nice Can A Person Be, When They’re Infuriated  in combination with yesterday’s newsletter, which you can read here: It’s Your Fault I’m Oversensitive, So Control My Hurt Feelings, I Mean Your Hurt Feelings, Please, Or I’ll Hurt You.

Most of the emails and questions were asking for tips around managing anger and projection.  It’s a great topic and want to offer something concise, in response.

First, if you find yourself pissed off and/or disappointed in virtually everyone, there is little doubt you’re seeing yourself out there. Don’t be fooled!  If you hate nine people and excuse the tenth, this is mind trick, you’re playing on yourself.

If you’re in this kind of state, it would be best if you could refrain from pulling the trigger. Obviously, you’re hotted up!

One person wrote me after they’d pulled the trigger…if this happens to you, forget your pride. Apologize!

I know it’s tempting to justify every little thing we do. Some would rather go down with the ship then expose a chink in the armor. But there are few things more attractive then a humble apology.

People like humans, okay? That’s why they like this blog. Because I screw up, daily.  So if you do go off, just go back and tell the person that’s you’re sorry and you’re trying to work out your obvious mental problem!

But the main thing is this – when you’re angry at the world, or disappointed at the world, this is a PERSONAL problem.  And if you can’t resolve it, you’re going to have problems in relationships for the rest of your life.

Who can relate?  Who is working on this now?

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Venus in Aries Opposing Mars in Libra – Dealing With Anger and Projection — 24 Comments

  1. This reminds me of something my spiritual mentor told me some time ago when I was having an “everyone is pissing me off” period:

    “You know what they say, don’t you? That if you keep coming across assholes, maybe you’re the asshole.”

    I’m having a week where I’m the asshole. -_-‘ Gratefully, I’ve been able to keep my mouth shut. The only time I didn’t, I apologized pretty quickly afterwards.

  2. Yes, me! Absolutely. And also trying to figure out what are legitimate beefs. Child neglect/abuse? (involving the authorities, no projection or speculation in this instance) I am having a VERY hard time releasing any anger and considering forgiveness in this instance. Rudeness, unfairness, etc.? I’m not sure what I should let go of, or just forgive but not forget. I’ve been burned enough to not want it to happen again.

    So, what if you are from a family with a pattern of substance/alcohol abuse and family drama/trauma? There is a lot of flak flying in and from all directions over here, and I’m done with it!

    Now what?

  3. Weighing in from the other side…. I just had a dear friend, Libra, project an enormous amount of anger on me yesterday. To say that I felt frustrated by this only hits the tip of the iceberg. But we have been friends for a long time and I knew this was the result of this transit. So I just kept my mouth shut (I have industrial strength duct tape within easy reach for just such occasions).

    Today, the friend apologized and explained that although carrying the burdensome frustrations in life was quite wearying, it wasn’t fair to dump it on me. Whew! Friendship crisis averted. So I post this to tell you that Elsa is giving you good advice. Apologize if you have dumped on another. Forgiveness is waiting for you.

  4. I can relate. This was a tough week for me. Manager got pissed off even I have done my work 200%, he wrote an letter, he wants 300% !! Sister was angry and gave me angry words after I have done tons for her.

    Yes, I remain nice. I have Uranus, Mercury and Jupiter in Libra, 6th house. I can’t be rude to anyone!! But got HURT!!

  5. I forgot.

    You can also check yourself by asking, would the thing pissing me off in the moment, have pissed me off a week ago or a month ago?

    If not, you’re probably triggered in some form…poised to act out.

    People justify this one too. They say they’ve held their temper long enough.

    I’ve seen this on this blog, many times. Out of the blue sky someone tells me I am on their last nerve, and opens up with both barrels.

    I always know they’re making a mistake. It’s not possible to be that crazy pissed at someone you’ve never met and will never meet, who you don’t even know.

  6. Okay, my fellow Libras (and other Cardinals here):

    Admit it–have you been an asshole lately? Doesn’t matter whether you meant it or not. Still an asshole, cause you’re out there making other people’s lives harder.

    Please tell me I’m not the only one around here! :O

  7. My sister called me today, railing endlessly about the pain my mother’s mistreatment of her childhood causes her. She’s 56 years old!! She says “Mom does blahblahblah but I don’t care”… and then says it again and again, but different verses. It rachets up my anxiety until I finally tell her that she HAS TO LET GO of the pain, she has a husband who loves her and a successful business, that she should use THAT to heal her because Mom will always be MOM. She screams at me that I don’t understand, and calls me the C-word. I tell her that I don’t like being called that, it hurts my feelings. She tells me “tough shit, you push my buttons, I say what I want”. I start to tell her that I am simply telling her how I feel, and she calls it “pushing her buttons” but she screams at me over my words (a classic sign that someone is very attached to their “story”). I tell her that we’ll have to agree to disagree and I get off the phone. But I’m really angry that she thinks that DUMPING HER ANGER ON PEOPLE is ok, just because she can’t get the problem to change the way she wants it to. WTF??? Who lives like this??
    So I had asked, in a post here on the forum, if this was ME projecting…. and I’ve thought about it now for over 4 hours. I just don’t see it. I am not angry at the world, and I have a pretty shitty life right now. My sister has a pretty GOOD life right now, and she’s angry at EVERYONE who does not eat the crap she dishes out from her distorted inner child.
    The distorted inner child is the worst tyrant in the world, it demands that everyone agree to being held hostage to its infantile demands. It is MARS run amok, throwing grown up childish temper tantrums, and demanding that “if you love me, you’ll let me scream!”
    I understand the desire to be “done with it” and I’ve walked away a million times from my family’s dramas. But this time, I’m stuck, and instead of physically walking away, I have to totally and completely find a way to DETACH while still in their presence. Hard to do, because the family calls it “acting like you’re better than we are” when I refuse to jump in. I don’t lecture, I don’t rationalize, or use psychology (hard, after years of therapy)… I just ***back away slowly***. And get called a Snob because I do. Sigh. Sigh. SIIIIGGGGGHHH.
    And by the way, if people happen to “go off” big time (like using the C-word)… no apology of “temporary insanity” works with me. I have a Scorpio Moon… you are now Dead to Me, even if I have to talk to you because you’re family. Inside, deep inside…. you’ve been severed. The only thing that could rekindle any kind of feelings is to *own your shit* and clearly state that you recognize your need to hurt others because you feel hurt inside and ask to be called out on every single instance of …. OMG… just realized… lightbulb… this is what projection is… the need to hurt others because we are hurt inside, and to accept the projection means that we feel that we DESERVE TO BE HURT because of our own unresolved childhood issues— mine is GUILT (hey, I’m a Virgo) over my own imperfections, which is why being called a “Snob” or a “Holy Roller” by my family has always hurt me.
    Well. Now I have a whole lotta thinking to do.
    Thanks, Elsa!!!!!!!

    • OMG you just described my MOM. I, too, have learned how to not engage when the angry person wants to vent the steamroller over me. My mom wanted a fight so badly about my brother and I just wouldn’t engage. That makes her even more mad because she thinks I’m on his side. Then she pulls some passive aggressive shit on me. It’s wearing me out. She doesn’t think other people feel hurt from her perpetual and ancient wounds…All the hurt is hers and hers alone. And she can’t let anything go ever. Ever. Decades of hurt. And at 89 she will outlive all of us….There is a lot of valid points in your commentary that I will have to reflect upon. Thank you.

  8. Is this what Mars Retro in Libra is about? Libra is about “you and me”. Projection involves 2 parties, the projector and the projectee. One spews the shit, the other eats it. Symbiosis. When one person says “no thanks, I believe I’ve eaten enough of your poo for one day”, or the other person says “sheesh, I’m tired of projectile vomiting poo”, then the relationship has to change. Not without a whole lot of pain, if both parties are not in agreement about ending the poo party.
    So if I decide that being called a “snob” no longer hurts me, and I don’t get hooked into my family’s anger fests out of fear that they’ll turn on me if I don’t act like them, does this free me psychologically and I no longer will have horrific anxiety around people who are uncontrollably ranting? Lord, let it be so.

    • Hey Dog yes if you can manage the label of Snob when you don’t engage that is one way of taking your power back especially if you are attacked. This is one “weapon” they are using to force you to engage. If you don’t engage they are forced to direct their wrath differently and breaks a tape a little bit. It drives my mom crazy that she can’t “go there” with me but she will have to stew in her projectile vomit until she learns how to be civil. Oh yes she is about 4 years old in maturity. 12th house sun aqua pisces rising. Mars in the 2nd house Aries…it’s all about money and security and she never feels secure.

  9. Hey 🙂
    Golly gosh. I think I need a rethink, I’ve been going off like crazy. This isn’t like me, you’re right, it’s all part and partial of the human condition.

    I think I have to count to ten and think outside my box. And lose my pride and transcend.

    Thanks 🙂 going to work on this from now on.

  10. It has taken me a long, long time to learn to keep my mouth shut to avoid having to apologize later. Great advice to ask yourself if what is pissing you off would have been that bad a week or a month ago.

  11. I’ve been working on my codependency issues since just before Mars stationed retrograde. I didn’t realize how well the timing coincided but it really has been a way for me to process my own feelings, and my responses to other people’s anger or problems. I wish this rx could last a bit longer because I want all the practice I can get. It’s been work on my end, but good soul work that I’ve needed for a long time. Codependency is all about projection whether its someone projecting themselves on to you, or the other way around its an emotionally exhausting and unsatisfying way to live.

    I’m learning about healthy boundaries and what to take responsibility for. At work, I need to ask for what I need and not take on extra duties that I can’t commit to. Perhaps its because Mars is rx that I have been able to take on less and not gotten crap for it. I still beat myself up for it everytime I say “no,” or when I realize I have to confront someone in even the smallest ways but I’ve been having positive experiences that have been very encouraging.

    Mars is transiting my 2nd house so I may just be building up my resources now.

    Last year around this time I let my anger fly while uranus and pluto squared my mercury. I learned the hard way when my 3rd house was rocked by a course correcting eclipse to saturn in scorpio. Every angry thing I said was exposed and even though a lot of what was printed was lies/embellishments and it was meant as a character attack, I had to claim my part. I saw my words thrown in my face so I had to learn how to use them better and what to let go or walk away from.

    I’m still working on it but I have been getting my lessons. Venus opposing mars makes the point sharper and squares me on all sides but I’m saying prayers and hanging in there.

    Good luck to everyone.

  12. I’m reading about it a little. Alot of takes on it. I always like the evolutionary survival stuff the best. Like the angry person wants the other to give them more weight so they are given some kind of survival protection or some such silly ass animal thing.

    Then there’s entitlement, narcissim, competition, . . .

    I’ve learned that if I feel like I am entitled to, and feel slighted, ain’t nobody else gonna give a crap no matter how loud I scream or who I lash out at physically. Don’t do no good at all. So says natal mars rx. I was not issued that license.

  13. Thank you for this. SO SO SO helpful. Under a lot of heat right now. My own and other people’s heat.

  14. Just want to say how grateful I am for this space at this time… all of these transits are hitting me hard, but how great is it to be able to log in and read how many others are being hit hard too, and to see how we are all looking at how we can each deal with our own portion of this in the best/highest/most evolved/cleanest possible way… Thanks to all for their sharing – it really does help us all. It really has helped me. Elsa: thanks.

  15. One method I have for not getting triggered is keeping in mind that if someone is acting rude or pissed at me and I’ve done nothing blameworthy, this is actually their problem, not mine. I can do my best to be courteous and thoughtful, but at the end of the day they control their own mood, not me, and that’s a big weight off of my Libra’s shoulders. Why let someone else’s bad day leak all over mine?

    PS- Big thanks Elsa for your posts, esp. on all the Cardinal tensions going on lately. I feel like stuff is ‘clicking’ for me. I’m regularly seeing patterns between planet transits and daily life in ways I used to just read about instead of actively notice. You’re pointing it out for us with real world examples. THANKS

  16. One thing I read that kind of makes sense is that anger is triggered by beliefs and self judgements already in place. I think it motivates some people and they run on anger. It’s like jet propulsion. It tends to shut me down so I guess that is why I don’t go there. It is the assumptions others sometimes make about me. In the past I would defend myself but that is a waste of time. I am aware of it so I still feel the inner energy drop when I feel hit. But I ain’t goin down there if I can help it. Rebound!!!!

    With the grand cross energy, the extremes are so ridiculous and accentuated that it made it easier for me to see it and detach from it.

  17. I lost my mobile phone again! I’ve lost three in the last 6 months
    First in November – the most expensive one – lost in a taxi
    second in march – stolen in a bus – public transport
    (this had been a re-appropriated ‘gift’ to my dad and procuring it had involved returning two faulty handsets – not to mention my attempts at buying him a cellphone had failed twice previously again due to faulty pieces sold to me covertly)
    third again in may – yesterday – while alighting a cheaper version of taxi

    Wonder what’s up with this weirdness. Apart from my inattention, each time it felt like I had a black out moment or blindspot moment.

    Also, being attacked by virus on my own computer!!
    I have really poor luck with technology – especially information stuff
    Is this because of saturn return in the third house?? or Venus Mars opposition in 2nd – 8th?

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