Earlier this week, two people reported they felt I did not like them. I don’t know where this came from. They’re both very welcome on this site. But today I got to thinking about it.
I wonder why someone would think I don’t like them. I don’t know them. I’m just sitting here doing my work, trying to keep up with the squash from the garden, missing my husband, and stuff. My interaction with both people has been friendly. So why would they think this?
I realized they must have some psychological need to have someone looking down at them or disliking them – here I am. I feel bad for them, feeling that way but I feel bad for me too because I am being used.
I am not the Great Oz. I live in a tract home and work with heavy burden.
We took our boat to be fixed today and my husband’s usual fishing partner sent him a text saying he must not like him anymore because he didn’t ask him to fish. What the heck??
Dude…the boat is broken…calm down, lol.
It do make ya wonder.
lots of people think the world revolves around them. Therefore, any comments said or imagined MUST BE directly related to them. But, I never thought about the person they are projecting their issues on is being used– but I guess your right. You are being used in a way since they want some response from you whether they realize it or not. Sorry they sucked you into it.
Thank you for keeping it real and honest. I know I appreciate being able to read your lines and know your are doing your best to stay authentic (except those moments where you feel you have to censor yourself and that sucks a big one)
I am used as a negative thing in their life when really I am not even in their life.
I do not like being a weight or a burden to people. Why not dooce? Why not some other astrologer?
Really, I have a lot of experience with this. I think you’re new here, Sarisa but as an example, I was once seen as “the horrible mother” for 3 years by people I thought liked me.
One day I came to work and said, “I’m getting married.”
“Good!” the guy spat at me. “Now maybe you’ll stay home and take care of your sons!”
“I don’t have any sons,” I said, confusedly. I was 26.
“Yes you do! You have 2 boys.”
“No I don’t. I have no children, I have 2 dogs…”
Do you know the guy didn’t BELIEVE me. He didn’t. He was that invested in his story about me do for 3 years I worked around his loathing.
I have 101 stories like this, maybe 1001 and here is another.
There was once a gal here, she wrote this long post about how hard it was to read my blog. It was a horror but some how she stood it. She forced herself to read it because of my Sadge moon which opposed her Gemini Moon. I was her shadow – I was what she hated but she stuck around anyway, see.
“But I don’t have a Sadge Moon,” I wrote.
Never heard from her again.
I was called and thought a WHORE when I didn’t know what the word meant. In fact, I thought the word was “hore”. I was 11 and came home and had to ask Annalisa if I was a hore, or what. I am serious about this!
She told me how to spell whore (I did not believe what she told me) and told me to look it up, which I did.
Henry was a professor of English and Library Science and had one of those big HUGE library dictionary’s – with the stand so I went over there to see if I was an 11 year old hore, whore, or what.
It’s very confusing (Neptune on the MC)
Hey – just shake their sh-t off you. It’s all you can do, when you know the good that you do, and why you do the good that you do. Just go outside and shake it all off, head to toe:)
elsa… that’s some srs sh**e! i have a pisces MC and i’ve had some of these bizarre occurences too, including an enraged ex who claimed i went to his house (after we broke up) while he was away and stuck pink postit notes all around his house when… I WASNT EVEN IN THE COUNTRY!!!
when i told him this he just refused to believe me!
his proof: he “compared” the handwriting on the postits and claimed it was mine
(i found out later that it was his flatmate’s brother who stayed over)
Crazy hologram shit… It is a burden to have other people’s expectations sitting on top of your head like that. I see blogs as each having a unique flavor which some people may like and others may not care for. If you don’t like the taste on one blog, you can go find another with the special flavor you are seeking… It’s that weird idea of each person’s expectations and as always, expectations disappoint… (Elsa) You’re doing what you do, you’re doing it well and many of us here really appreciate it. Thanks, Darlin’!
🙂
Of course you are not Oz, unfortunately you’ve sat on this a few days, and thus your understandable reaction. So sorry.
Uh… sometimes people are just feeling butthurt in general. I have been in total butthurt mode for about two weeks and it is getting very old. I am taking some degree of offense for really stupid shit these days and I don’t even WANT to be offended, and under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be. But anyone that interacts with me right now is running the risk of me getting butthurt at them if it’s anything other than 100% friendly. (Thank gawd my boss still hasn’t bothered to do the employee evaluations yet.) I don’t want to be like that, but my control is not so good at the moment.
Maybe something like that is happening to other people too?
No, I haven’t sat on if for a few days. My dog is dead. I have other things on my mind. This is exactly what I am talking about. Make it up and put my name on it. Why?
There is nothing unfortunate… except my dog. 🙁
Ah Elsa! It’s hard enough trying to ascertain how you are being perceived when you are talking to anyone in the Real World, let alone in here! You are direct, you don’t pussy foot around & we appreciate this! But when a “touchy” person can’t see your face, hear your voice & has no other clues to go on other than what is written, these things are just bound to happen. It’s part of the gig!
As Read_em has said, if you don’t like it, go elsewhere. I consider myself to be in your bar… you know? Like it’s your place & you are the bar tender or something. I can come in, have a drink, relax & chat to friends AND learn something along the way. Most of the people here cut slack. Meaning that if they are in doubt about what has been said, they’ll either ask for clarification or just assume they may have gotten the wrong end of the stick, forget about it & move on.
It’s going to happen every so often Elsa, point is the overwhelming majority get you… dig you & admire what you are doing big time!!!!
Because not all us of have have perfect recall of conversation, written or otherwise. Correction: You got to thinking about it TODAY.
Thank you, Teri, I appreciate that. 🙂
🙁 Poor Dora. I was wondering how you were doing. Showed right up here like clockwork, did Elsa P.
Re: Dora, I spoke with satori and she put the proper term on it – empty nest type feelings. I am going to have to do something. Right now I know there is a void and I am at a loss as to how to fill it.
I used to be a profound gym rat but have been out for awhile and not sure I want to go back in because if so, I’ll need to come up with a game face and I’m just not into it.
Plus people will ask me about my daughter… but mostly the men. I just don’t feel like dealing with them even though I know how.
Basically, I have come to enjoy being at home. I have been very fulfilled with my family and my job… and my dog. Now it’s jacked and I’ve not yet figured out what turn to make.
Here I am again. Confused in public. 🙂
I do think the transits are kicking me out – freeing me. Other people writing on the site and no geriatric dog means I can go. I have been liberated in the sense but I am not sure where the future is.
I know I don’t feel the way I did when I used to go to the gym all the time. It’s like going backwards and it won’t work.
There is a switch somewhere or a window. I know there is, I am looking for it.
Hey! I could work on a book. See, it may be something like that. All I know is things shifted and I have time and freedom I did not have a week ago,
Go the book for Heavens sake Elsa! Make some money out of your gift, because you give so much of it away for free =)
The burden of you being considered “controvesial” will prove an ADDED advantage in terms of marketing etc *wink*
Do it!!!!
Oh, Dora! A connection a person has with a dog a strange one to fill once it’s gone. So sorry Elsa.
Right now I know there is a void and I am at a loss as to how to fill it.
You don’t need to fill it. Remember? We let it go and then the universe fills it. Hold the line kid. Give it time.
Venus conjunct Mars on my Sun. I am seeing, feeling, evaluating so much right now as to the past few months and how things have changed over the past few years. Beneath the surface type things, like a surf ebbing at the shore. It is all good and I am finding myself much easier to go with the flow than these past few months. June to August were harsh. It was only a lightness I felt come mid September that my emotions started to ease. More of laid back feeling, which I can’t remember when I have felt such peace to just let things go where they may. I hope this keeps up. I like this feeling and want it to stay in my life.
What’s up with Clunk? Does he help with the empty nesst thing?
Yeah, that’s understandable, yet an unfortunate aspect that comes with the territory. I can understand having the feeling of pressure riding, but am sorry to hear you feel used! That’s a pretty unpleasant feeling. I think I recall you saying you are a scorpio rising, and to me it seems as simple as that. You are confident, forthright, but this is your show. I think its probably as simple as these individuals being intimidated by you. They may take things personally maybe because they admire you, or it just reflects something in themselves, who knows, a bit dynamic. Neither party should take any of it personally, or make it personal. you have quite a presence, a lot of pressure comes with the responsibility of running the show. But just keep doin you, and you can’t please everyone. As you stated, you have a life too.
I don’t think people have a psychological need to have someone looking down at them or disliking them, unless they are masochists or into bondage perhaps. I think it’s most likely that people are lonely, feel unloved and needy, and when they find someone who may look like she/he might provide the nurturing they crave, they get overly attached and their expectations are raised and with them, their attachment to the person. It’s all very sad really.
I once worked the early morning shift in a small coffee shop in downtown San Diego. The place had a kitchen that didn’t open until 10 or 11, but people would always ask me to prepare sandwiches and stuff for them before that time. I never would because I wasn’t supposed to, and I don’t know how many people would actually say, “you can go back and make me something. You just don’t like me.” Exact words. I never knew how to respond. “Uh, -“
For the record, there are people I do this to. Specifically, I don’t think they like me and I know my thoughts may be squirrelly so I ask others to parse the data.
Now I don’t really care if they don’t like me. I’d just like to figure it out because if this is the case I would keep my interaction with them as brief as possible. Some interaction is required.
This is sort of like continuing to email someone who does not respond. When people are super busy, which most everyone I know is, it’s possible to appreciate an email and just not be able to respond.
In whatever case, after writing this, I realized there is one person I do this to a lot and I’m not committed to never doing it again. I can see how unfair it is and the age old situation – I am worried what he/she thinks if me and he/she isn’t thinking of me at all.
I am in regular personal contact with the person in question and wonder how the communication has been colored by my feelings.
From here on out, I am going to opt to believe the person likes the living shit out of me, until and unless I find out otherwise. I expect my life will go a lot smoother, I’ll be happier and jeez, what a burden to lift off both of us.
I just got an email from a regular client. She also thought I did not like her.
I like the hell out of the woman. I have no idea where this would have come from. I feel like our communication is very loving.
I have worked with her a number of times and have genuinely grown fond of her. She is younger than me and I like younger women – a lot.
For the record, I think this happens to Capricorn types, 10th house suns and the like. Not the projection but the “don’t like me” part. We stand in as disapproving authority figures / parents.
Elsa, I know you are a Capricorn rising and as a Cap moon conjunct mercury, I can tell you I’ve often gotten this and variations on this – the most common being that I’m “intimidating,” which I find kind of ???????? Actually, very ??????? But I agree with you about the disapproving parental figure thing. Some people key in on it – I have gotten that a lot from Libras and Aries, actually – and assess me as being really mean!
Cluck goes with Vid to Vid’s dad’s house on the weekend, plus he is not high maintenance, plus he does not follow me around and cook with me and so forth.
In short, Clunk is a boy. 🙂 He mostly like to lie under the table where as Dora will stand next to the bed when you’re lying there, with her ears up and she’ll just stand there for an hour. It is Dora who walks by nonchalantly when my husband and I take a bath.
yeah i agree with you on that…… being a 10th house sun and saturn in capricorn.
Sounds kind of like adding insult to injury. First Dora now this. Even though its clear you are resilient and can handle this type of projection having to deal with all the time regardless of what more weighty personal thing is going on must get tiring….to use a pc word.
Alecs nailed what I feel often:
“I think it’s most likely that people are lonely, feel unloved and needy, and when they find someone who may look like she/he might provide the nurturing they crave, they get overly attached and their expectations are raised and with them, their attachment to the person. It’s all very sad really.”
And Elsa nailed what I **should** do with that:
“From here on out, I am going to opt to believe the person likes the living shit out of me, until and unless I find out otherwise.”
I surely hope that I can do that… I usually come from the opposite standpoint, though, believing that people don’t really like me unless they show/tell me, or really *prove* themselves to me. (childish, I know!)
Elsa, I’m sorry you’re missing Dora. 🙁
I kind of have the opposite problem. I think everyone likes me, and am completely thrown when I discover that they not only don’t like me, but ‘really’ don’t like me. Huh?! It’s happened several times, mostly with co-workers. Now that I work independently, no more problem. 😉
A bit weird that people would choose the week you’ve lost your 20yr old dog to lay such stuff on you! – maybe they never had a dog… You have lost a big part of your immediate family.
People who spend a lot of the time on the blog are looking for answers, and some of us are looking for company – I know I am, as I’m hardly going out right now. Spending a lot of time on here it’s clear to me that some are investing a great deal in their relationship with the blog – that’s a compliment to you Elsa, but it’s laying a heavy responsibility on your for the equilibrium of their feelings, which you haven’t sought and which you can’t be expected to take up.
Another thing about the blog: your own voice is so honest and so personal, that people tend to respond in kind. This makes people’s personalities on here very distinct – so like the rest of us, you are bound to respond a little more or less warmly to some people’s voices than others: that’s only human. We cannot all like everyone equally – even on the web!
It must take a huge amount of effort just to read this stuff every day; if you have to police and censor your own reactions each time you respond, well it’s too much to expect of anyone. I hope readers of the blog will cut you some slack and try not to be ‘energy vampires’
I don’t read everything written on this blog. It’s not longer possible and I mean, even close.
Keep in mind this blog is supported, almost entirely by my consulting work. Say 95%. So this is what I am doing, it’s a lot to do considering how much this blog has grown and it’s job that takes time focus.
It’s like asking a surgeon if they are obsessed with you, a neighbor. Well, no. They’re focused on the heart they are operating on.
That is the chosen profession and the other stuff just constellates.
I do want to help people and I do want to entertain. Right now I want the other people who work here to do well and I want this blog to stay up / be resilient as we head into the future.
In REALITY, these are the things that occupy me and if you look at it logically, this is obviously the case.
This is the extent of my feelings about the blog. The rest of my feelings are concerned with my personal life. I am wondering about Christmas for example. My husband’s son’s birthday is coming up. I found out the average life expectancy of a truck driver is 61. We’re out of milk and the kitchen floor is dirty.
“We stand in as disapproving authority figures / parents”
Yeah. I have Pluto in 10th square Capricorn Moon and totally get this. I don’t get it all over—I get it from a certain type of person/chart but damn, it’s exhausting. The people I have extreme dislike for actually VERY few and far between.
Sorry to digress. I like your energy very much, Elsa. I’ve always felt your warmth, especially in consult.
Well….is all i can say dont let it get to you..cant please all the people all the time. Dont worry to much about the floor right now , sit down have a little cry about the dog. You know that dog had a good life..she was loved.
Yes, shelley, she did have a good life. As someone told me via email, she was a furry immigrant who lived the American dream. 🙂
bless her xx
I haven’t been here for a long time. Congratulations re: your marriage. 🙂
I haven’t read all of the comments, but jenfullmoon’s comment is along the line of my own thoughts, and my own personal experience. (on this blog, too! It’s been a while. Of course, not solely the blog – just a bit – and I felt awful inside.)
” furry immigrant ” I love it!
Hope the soldier can get a less stressful life soon – maybe you could use your new-found ‘freedom’ trying to find him a job which would keep him at home a bit more?!
“From here on out, I am going to opt to believe the person likes the living shit out of me, until and unless I find out otherwise. I expect my life will go a lot smoother, I’ll be happier and jeez, what a burden to lift off both of us.”
This made me laugh, and it works, when I remember to do it myself. I find that when I stop caring, the other person usually ends up liking me; I guess I lose some sort of needy vibe – however slight it was to begin with, that others might pick up. (And if they still don’t like me, then I still don’t care.”
(((Elsa))) So sorry to hear about Dora. She will be missed for sure. I loved hearing about her :/
RIP Dora
I do the thing you described. Yes, i’m aware it’s ridiculous and self-absorbed! And it’s a real beast to live with too. 10th sun square cap moon opposed saturn.
Oh, I’m sorry to hear about Dora. 🙁
i know i’m more likely than not to assume the worst in people’s reactions to me. which i have to keep in mind a lot and kind of let the random free floating anxiety float away because what am i going to do about it, really? have to assume that if people have a problem with me, they’ll let me know, and i’ll act as if i think otherwise until then.
but sometime i get tripped up, particularly if i’m already on some kind of downswing *shrug*
and, yeh, cappies/etc tend to do it the worst to me. i just figure i’m being insecure and for some reason it gets amplified… i guess it being a social anxiety, and the symbolism of the tenth house, it would make sense….
I soooooooooo feel like this, USED by someone this way, and to day I said the person it has been enough for me, if they are not able to see their own flaws I won’t accept being the receptor of all the bad-stuff they have inside.
and you know, when a Scorpio say ‘enough’ we really mean it.