After writing the Venus Saturn about not marrying the soldier when I was a kid because he said he be killed, I realized the gal who did marry him did so because he said he’d be killed. And this would leave her with his life insurance plus his pension until the end of time.
What a quirk that is. It’s also textbook Venus Saturn. In one case he is denied love and in the other he’s got a business deal. Her love is actually an investment while he traded security (Saturn) for relationship (Venus).
And this seemed okay to him by the way. She gave him a baby and was home to take care of him so he thought she was entitled. He accepted the situation completely, thought it was the price he paid for his career and just a reality of life.
“I just figured I was a soldier and soldiers don’t get to have wives like you. Price I had to pay to do what I thought I was supposed to do in this lifetime. And so what if she cheats? There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not there, I’m at war. I’m getting shot at and I have to watch my ass. So if she cheats she cheats. It’s her integrity at stake not mine. And maybe she felt entitled to because I wasn’t around. I don’t know. I just know I accepted it. There is not much love if you’re a soldier. It’s not like you’re a rock star. You’re a soldier and no one likes soldiers very much. They just don’t like them so I figured love was out of the question. It’s just too much to ask.”
I didn’t answer.
“I always felt lucky that you loved me even though you were gone. At least I’d had that experience. At least I’d had you for a girlfriend and felt what it was like to be loved by a woman and that’s why I held onto those memories all my life. Of course I’m not going to let go of them, those were the best times of my life. Every minute I had with you, every second was the best because I knew you loved me.”
“Yeah, so once when I was in training they had me tied to this log. They starve you through training. They only give you one meal a day, work your ass to the bone, tie you to a log, do all kinds of shit to try to get you to quit.”
“Yeah, so I’m tied to that log and they’re sitting there eating steak.”
“Yeah, steak. They sit there and eat steak in front of you and tell you how good it is and you’re there all starving… starved for weeks, you’re dirty, you’re tired because they won’t let you sleep either. No, they keep you awake and try to taunt you into quitting so there I am tied to that log and you know what I was thinking?”
“I was thinking of us in that first apartment. We had so much fun there, P. And to hell with them. They can eat their steak. They can torture me until the end of time but they can’t take my sweet spot.”
“No. You were always my sweet spot and no one can ever take your sweet spot. Not even you, P. Even you can’t take my memories of you.”
“I guess not. I understand/”
“Yeah. Even if you decide you’re never going to talk to me again, we were there in that apartment and we had that love. We shared all those kisses and everything else we shared and all of it was wonderful, so yeah. You bastards can eat your steak with the juice running down your face while I’m lying here starved and tied to this log. But you won’t get me to quit because while you do that, I’m going to go hang with P and there’s not a thing you can do to stop me.”
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