I’m sorry to keep posting this picture but I have no idea who might read this and when. That
is was my spine.
I woke up this morning as I have for the last month or so, in a state of shock. The very first thought that comes to me, every morning since my insanely successful surgery – there is no pain. It momentarily stops my breathing. Like I’m disoriented or I have somehow stumbled into the wrong bed or the wrong body. I literally question my own sanity. How could this be? If I move, will it break the spell?
By now I know that it won’t. But I recall how I’ve lived over the last years, the last two, in particular.
When your back is like that, slid off it’s cracker, lying on nerves, it affects pretty much everything. Your back, of course. Your hips. Both legs and both arms, which I will explain.
Prior to my surgery, there was no way to position my body to escape pain. I like to rest my head in the crook of my arm to sleep. I lost the privelge of sleeping that way, years ago. After that, things degraded.
It’s not obvious but if I were to lift my arm, it would pull on my back. If you have ever felt nerve pain, I don’t have to tell you, if you can avoid the sensation, you will. That’s what I did,
For the last year or so, I’ve had no choice but to lie face down in my bed, hands reaching back, palms up and don’t move. I’m not kidding you. It’s like being nailed to the bed through my back. Facedown corpse position, and then you try to sleep.
Today I wake up in this incredible luxury. Nothing hurts. Nothing. I lie in awe of this, every morning. I wondered this morning, it these feelings might never fade.
I tend to forget bad things that happen to me, as a matter of course. Why drag that pain into my future? But this doesn’t register as a “bad thing”. I’m not thinking about how bad it was. I’m thinking about how, God, dealt me this ace, in the form of a surgeon.
Why? What could I have possibly done to receive a gift of this magnitude?
It occurred to me today, Uranus transiting Taurus, trining natal Pluto in Virgo might be a marker here. Unexpected (Uranus) healing (Pluto).
I was hoping for any level of relief. I was prepared to be dead or paralyzed but never in a million years, would I have expected a result like this. I have dealt with back problems for twenty years. Further, I took a lot of beatings when I was a kid. I woke up in pain as a matter of course. Maybe that can help you see how extraordinary this is. I just haven’t been able to assimilate it, truth be told. I wake up and it’s like, who am I, where am I, what’s happened?
Some mornings I wake up an hour early or something. I doesn’t bother me a bit. I take the time relish what it feels like to be utterly and totally free of pain.
I saw a friend of mine yesterday who is blind. If he were to wake up one day, able to see, it would equal this. It’s just not something you expect.
If you’re a spine geek, you can read more here:
Has Uranus in Taurus has transited your natal Pluto in Virgo? Can you tie this transit to some happening in your life?