Aspects in synastry help us understand how each facet of our personality impacts and interacts with each part of our partner’s personality. But what happens when one part of our chart doesn’t aspect or interact with the other person’s chart at all? And what happens when that part is our Sun, the essential core of our being?
This is a topic that doesn’t get a lot of attention in astrology texts, but in my years of consulting work, I have seen it come up over and over again. Someone will come to me saying that their partner is wonderful, is magical, is perfect, except for one little thing. But as we talk more, it becomes clear that the “little thing” is actually their partner’s true essence. They love everything about them except for who they are!
Or other times someone will tell me that their relationship is wonderful, except somehow their partner doesn’t really seem to see them. They feel like their partner is always talking to them sideways and relating to something on the periphery. Somehow the core is lost.
Or on other occasions, someone will say that they and their partner relate beautifully. They are able to go out in the world and operate with total independence. They aren’t expected to consider their partner’s feelings in much of what they do. Instead, they go and live their own life, and when they come home, they are able to put themselves aside and indulge the more private, Venusian side of their nature.
In each of these instances, I look at the chart and know exactly what I’ll find. One or both Suns is going to be standing alone, unaspected, totally separate from the other person’s chart. The core of who they are is essentially invisible to their partner. They are an eternal mystery.
I don’t mean to suggest that relationships like this can never work out. Take my third example, the independent person who sets their solar persona aside when they come home. If you are a self-reliant person who tends to compartmentalize, this could be ideal! If you are forced to live your Sun constantly in the public eye, setting it aside in the privacy of your relationship could be very tempting indeed.
Also, if you are someone who prefers to hide, to stand behind a Neptunian fog or Saturnian walls instead of letting your light come blazing forth, this kind of relationship could provide a sweet respite.
But if that’s not the case, there’s still hope. This is something that can be built on. But it takes real effort from both parties. The person with the unaspected Sun will have to make a powerful, sustained effort to make themselves known. And the other partner will have to be extremely careful to audit their assumptions and make sure that they are seeing their partner for who they truly are.
Ultimately, every relationship has challenges. Every relationship has quirks and cowlicks and hiccups. If we can be aware of the issues we’re likely to face, we can either be conscientious enough to prevent them from doing harm, or we can decide that the relationship simply isn’t worth the price. With this placement, the real question is whether the cost is greater to be seen or to hide.
Have you ever experienced an unaspected Sun in synastry? What was it like?