Recently, I wrote somewhere about having become way too popular. I am having to become unpopular now, unfortunately. I just don’t like the costs that come with being “visible”. Basically, I’ve become the hot person to discuss or argue over. Oh my God, I can’t begin to tell you how uncomfortable this makes me. I have packed 8th house!
Like a roach, I really can’t stand the blaring light. I can’t wait to find my way back to the margins where I belong. I am trying to think of the words to use as I methodically step down, step away, resign or whatever else I have to do, to get away.
What I want to say; what comes to me over and over, is that I am a marginal person and want to be on the margin of whatever. But I know that’s a misuse of that word.
My husband used to call it, “fringe”. I like that, but either of these terms, used as descriptors will provoke an argument. “You’re not marginal! Elsa thinks she belongs on the margin…”
It’s one of the reasons I want to get away. I just get so sick of people telling me who I am, missing by WAY more than a mile. I have tried many nice ways to communicate. “Er…there is a reason I live in the country,” I say.
“This is more attention that I can take…”
“I feel overwhelmed…”
“I don’t want to be involved in…”
“I think you might misunderstand…”
For some reason, people can’t hear me. I don’t know why, but I do know the suffering is not worth the candle. I’ve got to bust a move back to my comfort zone…
I may just say that I am going to go be a dull boy. You know. I’m going to work. All work and no play, makes Johnny a dull boy…
I’m not really a dull boy, but if a person can’t understand the statements above, how in the world would they figure out anything else.
I am going to go to work. I am starting work on a super challenging class – let’s see if I can do it or die trying, okay?
There is no way I’ll be able to do it, if I spend an hour a day telling people they have me confused with some kind of socialite or person who likes to dink around.
I was talking to a friend the other day. “It’s very interesting,” she said.
“I know. Too bad I can’t tell anyone.”
I am tired of wasting my time on things that aren’t interesting. I want to take a Giant Step.
Who can relate?