This Is An Astrology Blog Not A Bad Mouth Your Ex Lover Blog So Piss Off!

This is one of those things I hate saying because I wind up pissing off legions of people due the fact I am talking down them… or rather something they have done or may do on a regular basis and in a negative way.  Matter of fact, I think this is how I so reliably avoid success. I think it’s because I manage to piss off everyone eventually however, I just can’t help it.

I can help it of course or I could help it but to do so would make me some kind of poser which is anathema to my soul so I just willingly, knowingly walk this plank as a matter of routine and for a very specific reason.

My reason is that I know there are young people out there who want to know how to live and I mean, live well. There are older people who would also like a key so I feel compelled to state this stuff when it comes up, while I simultaneously wish it would not come up. But today it has.

All day long some gal has tried to name and post nasty stuff about her married lover of 3 years in the comments of my blog. Apparently the guy was fine when he was doing what he was doing with her but if he’s moved on – then he’s got to be tarred and feathered and burned to the ground and here’s is my (unsolicited) opinion on that:

It is very low class to sleep with someone for years, tell then you love them and whatever else other promises you made and then break up and go bad mouth them.  Never mind what they did, you are out of your mind if you do not think this reflects on you.

At best people think you are an angry psycho but more likely they think you are lying as people with sense know they are only hearing one side of a story. And your supposedly generous offer to fill us all in on the shadow icky stuff about your lover (while apparently oblvious to your own) is not seen as generous but as deranged and just a little scary.

What’s worse is as often as not, you actions leave people feeling sorry for your ex and probably thinking that he (or she) was damned lucky to get away from you and I am willing to bet this is not your intention. Here are the facts:

You will never turn family or real friends on a person. You will be a laughingstock though so please. If you are 20 years old and you’ve never gone off the deep end like this, then do yourself a favor and make a commitment right now, you will pay your own bill. That means if you get involved with someone and your judgment was bad then own it!

And if you’re 30 or you are 40 and still behaving like this, for Godsakes get a grip.

When it comes to relationship, do you pay your own bill?


This Is An Astrology Blog Not A Bad Mouth Your Ex Lover Blog So Piss Off! — 35 Comments

  1. Accountable is my middle name. Probably to a fault (blaming myself for most things).
    Although with my Venus in Virgo I am guilty of knit-picking, but I knit-pick myself in return to keep it all fair (Saturn in Libra).
    Before I put an ex-lover on blast, I would have to wonder what is wrong with me to have been with that person in the first place, if he was so so-called “terrible”.

  2. Hell yes. I have nothing but good things to say about the vast majority of my exes. I can outline why things didn’t work and why we weren’t compatible, but they are all excellent people who I just happen to not want to be with. And as far as the few that I don’t think were so excellent, well, i learned my lesson and while they are not exonerated for being shitty, I’m not clean here because I was the one who was there!

    I just don’t see how you love someone for however long and then suddenly think they’re the worst person on Earth. Surely the must be something redeeming about them, right? I mean, you were with them for a reason.

  3. Elsa, I will pay my own bill, I swear it. Life lessons are so much easier learned from the mistakes of others, I’m trying to get a grip on that.
    Meanwhile, you’ve yet to piss me off, and I’ve been on the lurk here for a long time now. Actually, I couldn’t even imagine what on earth you could say or do that would piss me off. Which is funny, since I’m certainly not the most difficult person to make angry..

  4. hahahaha Cassi!

    I don’t think this stuff thwarts success, I think this is what keeps people coming back for more. Nobody wants to find themselves in the hot seat, but most sensible people want to get the truth about themselves from someone honest. And if it happens to me here, I’ll still keep reading. 🙂

  5. Urrrgh. Yes. And I fully believe the saying that the less shit you say about people the less you have to apologize for. And that it a good thing, as I never want to have to say “I’m sorry I was an asshole.”

  6. And I’m referring to the negative posts about some random human and their dalliances, not you, Elsa. I value your opinions, so keep ’em coming “easy” or not.

  7. well I think if you play you pay. And if you are involved in a 3 year affair with someone who is married, there is no doubt you’ve played but besides that, what the hell does my blog have to do with it?? The woman wants “America” to write her so she can tell you what a shit the man she cheated with for 3 years is. Pulllllllllllease. I have deleted 10-12 of her commments today – Enough is enough.

  8. Thank goodness I didn’t see those comments. My moon in Capricorn would’ve said “No sympathy here, Ma’am.” Nothing gets my panties more in a bunch than affairs. Agghh. Along with accountability, I take loyalty to another level….and probably to my own dismay, I expect everyone else to be the same. Get real, Shell.

  9. …and that picture along with the post is hilarious. It’s so random and meaningful. I mean, you could’ve put a picture of anything, and you chose a yapping, shrieking duck. LMAO.

  10. OMG “America”…that has got to be the funniest part! “America” should know this! “America” should care! “America” is a bit more distracted by other things than ranting!

    Oh but I think that’s a seagull. Isn’t it? They are loud and annoying. And they are scavengers. And they poop on people who are just trying to relax and enjoy themselves!!

  11. I’m on the Net 30 plan. It takes me a little while, but I do pay the bill. With interest, if I’m late. God’s really good about sending timely reminders.

    Great post!!!

  12. It’s been a while but I was always paid my bills. Maybe it’s my Moon/Uranus. Bill paid. Invoice rubber stamped & filed away. Account closed. Zip zip zip. History now. Bye!

    I feel kind of guilty because I think this post is kind of hilarious. America – hahahahaha. Poor riled-up woman. 🙁

  13. I am sorry if I seem judgmental, but I have zero sympathy for any woman that gets into a relationship with a married man. I also find males that do with married women repugnant as well.

    How can you have faith or trust in a person that would do this?! It is all just sordid and bad Karma all round I think.

  14. JennyG is my soul sister, and her response would be my own. I’ve joked that if I was given enough time, I could figure out a way to take responsibility for the war in Iraq.

    Now that the long marriage is over, I do try very hard not to bad mouth him. Not to protect him, but to protect what dignity I may have left. See, if I was with him for that long, either he’s not entirely to blame for what went south or I’m the biggest dumbass on the planet. I prefer the former, and it’s true. I was with him a long time. With my low tolerance levels for bullshit, if he was all bad I would have been gone long before the walk down the aisle.

    I think that is what some people forget when they go all nuts about an ex. What does it say about you if this person is a shitheel and you were with them?

  15. “I pay my bill… and then some. Too much, I say.”

    this is very interesting… how some are on one end of the continuum and others opposite… The people who won’t take responsibility ever for anything are just so far gone and apparently have no idea!

  16. Is it a Cancer thing? Overpaying? It seems most of the things that I do, to my own detriment or due to some kind of martyr syndrome, come from my Cancer aspects.
    7-18-69 Camden NJ 6:30am

  17. I once acted like that – hurt and mouthing off against the person who hurt me – encouraged by media etc. that this is an ok thing to do. Oblivious as to how others might take it except my belief they would commiserate. Posting and laughing about it though is sad too. And though it’s hard to understand for some, the person mouthing off doesn’t have any idea until you tell them. And in this post you have told them which is a good thing. Recognizing our shadow and what we project etc. is learned, not innate. And some compassion could go a long way. Not in what happened with her with the ex, but in how she has a ways to go to owning her part in it and in growing from there.

  18. Walking around with that much anger and hurt is hard work, I’m just too lazy for that. I’d sooner forgive and count on Karma to mete out whatever desserts. Besides having to relive it when I tell it just hurts me and does the person in question no damage. Oooh I wrote something on the internet! That’s gotta hurt!

  19. Elsa – thanks for this post. We don’t hear enough of this in public anymore. I say good for you. (although the poor woman must be in some pain right now it’s pain of her own making)

    As for paying my own bill. Yes, too much so. So much that taking responsibility (fault) for his shortcomings meant quite a bit of psychological beating of self. I don’t do that anymore. I am learning, slowly, to pay my own bill and ONLY my bill and to tell him to pay his (if he’s still in my life).


  20. “What does it say about you if this person is a shitheel and you were with them?”

    Kris, I think just this about my ex so I try not talk about him much since it seems like a terrible admission… I’ve got Cancer rising.

  21. I used to think it “couldn’t have been me” until I started seeing patterns. Then I realized, “OK, either the world is askew, or I am. Which is more likely?” It hit me it had to go both ways. At that point, I’d say I finally opened the bill and paid it with a bit’o’therapy to get a handle.

    With my then clean account, I was able to hook up with the man I’ve been with the last 2 decades now. Without paying the bill, those next 20 years of loving and being loved wouldn’t have been possible.

  22. I don’t say anything really bad about my exes, because while they had their issues, MY issues drew me to them.

    I was a mess in my early 20s. I was emotionally bankrupt. I was 22 or 23 when I woke up and consciously broke the pattern.

    There’s always a reason why we pick the people we do, even this deluded woman. So yeah, learn your lesson or shut the hell up.

  23. I’ve only had one relationship go sour, my first. The guy cheated on me twice, twice!, and I still can’t bad-mouth him. I tell people that he may not have played fair, but I’m the idiot that put up with it. *smiles* When it comes to family, though. . . Well, there’s still some vitriol I need to purge. I thought I had dealt with those issues fairly well, then I got a new perspective and got pissed off all over again. Back to the drawing board, Irene!

    “… I manage to piss off everyone eventually however, I just can’t help it. I can help it of course or I could help it but to do so would make me some kind of poser which is anathema to my soul so I just willingly, knowingly walk this plank as a matter of routine and for a very specific reason.”
    Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! I need to get this laminated and hand it out to people who think I need to fit in their box.

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