Transformation Is Ugly – Think Twice Before You Lose Faith In A Person

People can get desperate and ugly in the middle of a transformation. I know! It’s happened to me.

Recently, I’ve been working with a client on the brink.  There have been some very dark moments but I hung in and he hung in and now things have really looked up.

Many of you know I volunteer to visit people in the hospital. This client reminds me of a woman I met in the hospital some weeks ago. She was terribly ill.  Ten days later, I went back to the hospital as scheduled. The woman was still there, but this time she was sitting up, watching TV,  looking as if she’d never been very ill a day in her life.

People are so impatient with each other. They dump people in their life for any reason under the sun.  Something fleeting.

It seems it’s more important to pretend there are no shadows in your life, then it is to stand by a friend or a lover as they struggle or puzzle their way through something…or perhaps even fight for their life.

Personally, I have been through some really ugly times. Thankfully I’ve friends who stuck by me. If not, I don’t think this blog would be here.

Have you ever witnessed a remarkable comeback?

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Transformation Is Ugly – Think Twice Before You Lose Faith In A Person — 36 Comments

  1. Sitting here reading this with tears in my eyes as I am reminded of the struggles I had putting my life back together following my divorce. The confusion surrounding the divorce was hard enough; the way people scattered as if I had a contagious virus made it ten times more difficult. However, the friends who upholded me during that time, who cared enough to listen or dry a tear, were more precious than anything.

    As a Scorp, I am usually on the supportive end of things. It was the first time I really needed the kind of loyalty and compassion I freely gave to others, and I think it showed me the real value of all the things you just mentioned today.

    Thanks, Elsa!

  2. Friends and family are our biggest assets in life, it’s too bad that we don’t understand this unless we experience serious losses.

  3. “Is he gonna get better?”
    “Already is, a little.”
    “Will he race?”
    “No.”
    “So, why are you fixing him?”
    “Because I can. Every horse is good for somethin’. He could be a cart horse or a lead pony. And he’s still nice to look at. You know,you don’t throw a whole life away just ’cause he’s banged up a little..”
    ~Seabiscuit

    Thanks for this post, Elsa.
    Glad your client has turned a corner. And glad the patient is regaining her health.
    I don’t have to know them to honestly celebrate their overcoming of adversity.

  4. Yes, and i have my friends and family to thank too in those dark times. I think that the transformational power of people is huge, that we can pull anything off if we have love standing by our side. I think people let go too often and easy too. And if that ill someone get’s bigger, better, stronger, faster, after, the people that flee have their lesson learned. I will never ever forget who stood by me when i was no fun.

  5. i have somebody who is chronically ill, probably due to emotional dysfunction. Many, many times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel but something keeps me hoping that the real, happy and loving person inside will see clear to throw off the past once and for all. She comes and goes. It is touch and go daily, not knowing who I will be talking to – the well, happy person or the despondent sickly victim. Still, it isn’t my job to give up on her. I know there is a reason for everything and maybe i am here for a purpose.

  6. Hi Elsa,

    This is very timely as Saturn is sitting directly on my Mercury, very close to my sun in my natal 8th house. I’m trying to be quiet and attentive to others as deep stuff is happening in my 8th house. 🙂

  7. I think about in this way:

    People are like plants. In certain periods of their life (especially during winter) they may take a reprieve and appear to be dead, dried up, grey, bleak, and hopeless…no amount of nourishment or light or begging is going to bring them back at that moment. When the time is right, with patience, they will spring back up, restored, renewed, and revived. This is a cycle.

    If one is cognizant of that fact and know that this time will pass, then the faith aspect won’t be in vain. Planting seeds and waiting is not easy for this instant gratification culture. But it is worth it! If my friends or family hadn’t stuck it out with me during tough times of deep depression and harrowing trials in my life and continue to pour encouragement and love when I wasn’t able to receive it or reflect it immediately, I wouldn’t have been able to conquer those demons as quickly as I did. It might have dragged out for years longer. I’m thankful for their perseverance. 😀

  8. I wrote this last week. That client is riding high now. Two weeks earlier he was keyed up and crying spontaneously.
    I like him a lot. I hope he has a really happy life ahead.

    “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
    – Winston Churchill

  9. Also, anyone who has ever had Saturn transit their 12th house…
    well there are some transits that are really, really difficult for many, if not most, people/

  10. To answer the 12th house Saturn transit: Yes…I went through that about 10 years ago. It was a lot. I ended a marriage that was absolutely karmic and needed to be severed MUCH earlier on. Went through numerous frivolous court battles regarding my two eldest and had all my 12th house dirty laundry out for the world to see –all the demons were flying around my head for, oh, about 2 1/2 years as all my inners were scrutinized by cold, uncaring faces that were judging me. I cried for about a year straight. It was awful. I maintained my composure outwardly, however, and always took the high-road, which my ex did not.

    At the end, I had a hard-won but modest victory after getting knocked down numerous times (after about 15 at this point), I earned my street cred for not giving up in spite of being exposed. This relationship did not die easily as my ex was very abusive (BPD)and wanted to make sure I was punished sufficiently.

    I have 12th house Jupiter. I placed a lot of faith in God and tried to remain as optimistic as possible. That may have been what helped me.

    Saturn in the first house? Piece of cake! 😀

  11. @Elsa “Also, anyone who has ever had Saturn transit their 12th house…
    well there are some transits that are really, really difficult for many, if not most, people”

    Saturn was in my 12th last year – the year I had a very bad accident on Jan 5, AND the year I put my now FI through hell of relationship ups/downs all because I feared losing my “freedom”.

    @Kashmiri, hear you; I have natal Saturn 0deg in 8th. My life has, seriously, always been me feeling like an orphan and transforming myself to succeed with truth. That “truth” thing has ALWAYS been a part of all my transformations. We 8thSaturns can probably stand down Satan in terms of grit. lol ugh.

    This thread and you guys’ Saturn posts are fantastic in a very real, eyes wide open way.

  12. One significant addendum to the Saturn transit 12th of my previous post – what’s dead-on about Saturn tr 12th for me and that bad accident I had, was that my mind/thoughts were in a deep blockage/depression the night of the accident. It was my mind (the subconscious 12th) that fed the actions that led to the factors that contributed to my accident.

  13. I was a drug user at one point and I bounced back because of my family well in which case I got so sick I couldn’t function. So I completely recovered, well now I know something is wrong with me. Anyhow I am still upset that my old friend’s brother died a bad death and alone because he was addicted to drugs and would “steal” money from his parents to support his habit. Well I knew when I saw him the house he did in a painful way that he would end up hurt in a bad way. And I really wanted his mom to let him stay home. But apparently I found out he wanted to get out. So its really hard to say. As long as your there for the person there ok.I was still at home while my episode happened. But I miss my old friends older brother because he was very kind, and very charming. I always thought he would have been a rock star. He played the guitar very well. Well anyway .. I know its hard for people to reconcile with others when things are bad. When my friends upset me its hard for me to confront them but its really me because I can’t come to those emotions where it leaves me uncomfortable. They’ve told me I annoy them too sometimes but that no one’s perfect. So I like my friends. But I know that being the eccentric people we are we will all separate physically. Its already happening. But they will still be my friends and we’ll KIT. One’s comfort zone is one’s family and friends and sometimes I think if its doing more harm than good one should leave it. If not take a leap of faith.

  14. Yes and no. I get what you mean by this post and completely agree (been on both sides). But in my experience, (1) there’s a balance between being there for someone and making sure you take care of yourself and (2) some people confuse “being supportive” and “coddling.”

  15. I can second the natal saturn in the 8th having an orphan-like effect in ones life…. but at least I get 2 saturn returns in less then a year (anyone jealous? Didn’t think so) since the upcoming retro period will station direct right on top of my natal degree, which is also conjunct my natal pluto.

  16. I dunno. I feel like I make a comeback every day. I’m really not kidding.

    I appreciate the idea though. I wish there would have been somebody, somewhere, who would have at least hung out through a little of it.

  17. No, but I want to. With a Cap, he has been a little nasty towards me. Not sure why I have so much faith in this relationship even.

  18. I have Saturn in the 8th as well, but it is at 2″ Sagitarius. My sun, mercury, north node all in Scorpio are in the 8th house as well. Yep, feeling like an orphan is well known here! (Strangely enough, I felt more like an orphan when my parents were alive…)

  19. It makes me happy to see them come alive again, but some people will turn around after they get well and drop you even though you nursed them back to health.

    Try not to lose faith in people, but don’t make them worse by trying to force them into something before they are ready, either. People tend to attack vulnerable people as well as scatter.

    But look around, if you see anyone with a strong pluto that’s having ups and downs, you bet they will have a stunning comeback or two or a dozen.

  20. I work in hospice…and yes I’ve seen several comebacks…people that are ready to die and all of sudden they dont…hmmm it kinda makes me wonder maybe sometimes all people need is some tender love and care

  21. My former partner had been struggling emotionally with her inner demons, and even tho she was living with me, had just gone through a legal divorce, which had a more powerful influence upon her than I did not realize would occur. Steadily, her drinking and depression kept getting worse. For about 2 months, I felt like a constant nurse waiting and watching her, monitoring her needs, and literally spending all of my time caring for her. On 3 separate occasions she had totally blacked out, hurting herself, and I stayed by her to make sure she was OK. On July 15, 2016, she had a doctor appointment, and I was told to take her to the ICU right away! Her blood pressure was down to 66/30, which meant her kidneys were shutting down! Sun in Cancer was square Uranus in Aries, and also opposite her natal Venus conjunct Mars in Capricorn. It was touch and go. I really thought she might die, but 4 days later at the Full Moon, she was able to come home. Having been so close to death, she stopped her drinking – cold turkey! I was impressed! So were the doctors.
    As the months passed, I knew that something was happening within her that she was not telling me. No matter what I said, she would not tell me what was going on with her. Almost one year later on 20 July 2017, we were out picking ripe raspberries, and I asked her why it was that she could laugh and appear to be very happy while talking with her girl-friends. Like a knife coming at me, she said we were no longer a couple and she had to move out! I was devastated. For the past two years I had spent my life unconditionally loving her, caring for her, and doing all I could to support and encourage her.
    In the 6 months since then, I’ve watched her become a totally different person from the woman that I used to know. She is still sober (says she will die before taking another drink!), going to therapy, losing weight she doesn’t need, and getting her life together. I really did love that woman, and I still do, but she is no longer the woman I used to know. She has become so different that we have nothing in common anymore. Today she is as a stranger to me. And you know what? I’m OK with that. In liberating herself, she also set me free to be who I truly am, also.
    Karmically, I know I am done rescuing people. Right now I’m rescuing myself.

    • Wow. What an empowering story. You two worked through some crazy karmic stuff together! Bless you both….may you hearts always remember the love that transformed you both in that tricky time

      • My brother had a strange Uranus transit story, too. His Libra sun and cancer moon got hit with an opposition and square, respectively. He was very close to my parents, in fact, lived with them, and was their caregiver, although they were both very independent. They were actually taking care of my brother, more than the other way around. Then in the summer of 2016, our mother died of a brain cancer that took her down in a matter of a few months. 9 months later our dad dies, and 4 days after our dad’s death, my brother ends up in the hospital with kidney failure! He had a number of terrible, life threatening issues, but all have been taken care of except the kidneys. He is still on dialysis and is in a nursing home until he learns to walk again. He is improving, but slowly….

    • So sorry to hear about that Ron. It resonates with me because I kind of experienced this with someone recently. You feel a little used.
      Im still in the throes of not being ok with that.but like you say, it signalled the end of a karmic cyle. You paid your debt and now the self healing can begin. My blessings to you.

  22. “Have you ever witnessed a remarkable comeback?”

    Yes… me. Pluto has been in my 11th & 12th houses since 2008. Getting a tad worried for when Saturn hits my 12th. Though I plan on taking Elsa’s Saturn in the 12th course/workshop to help navigate. And get a reading! I have learned to arm myself with knowledge – it’s the best weapon. 😉

  23. I beleive in keeping a positive mindset but also in being pragmatic. LOL, I am a Virgo adn have 4 planets in Virgo so I don’t get slap-happy,. But I think, my opinion only of course. that this world is so caught up on a fake social media demand for a fake “positivity”. It does not allow for people to be human and have bad times or bad days/months/years. I am a clergywoman and have worked as a hospital chaplain. I understand what you mean about your hospital visits. The dark night of the soul and the journey through Hades are…alright with me. I can hang with people through some bad stuff spiritually, emotionally and physically. It is for me a service to another human being. We are all going to have those times, some long, some short. And possibly be terrible miserable to be with. Maybe later we can laugh about it…or just smile understandingly and not speak about it….

    I wish more people could hang….

    • Bless you my fellow Virgo.you are bang on with the truth. Our societys throw away mentality is about more than just things. We throw away people and pets too.
      That which doesnt “serve” us….doesnt “serve” us???

      I believe You are right about society.
      The constant pressure to be positive and upbeat can make a person almost feel like a defective person when you become dark, broken and fragile.
      We have to feed the illusion that everything is ok when in fact everything is not ok all the time.
      I believe there is a phychological and spiritual deterioration going on now as a result of this desperate need for the illusion….and the resulting mental illnesses, addictions, suicides, abuse of those weaker (old,sick,young,animals etc) sort of speaks of this.
      You are obviously blessed with what the world needs. A quiet, patient and grounded strength to serve. You remind me of that strength that that make the enlightened Virgos who they are. Thank you for reminding me of what should be the ultimate goal in myself. And bless you for your work.

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