People think I’ve totally lost it. I met a guy online from Malaysia in September and we connected in every way. Better than with any male or female I’ve ever connected with. Yes we’ve exchanged over 50 photos each, and we’re on the phone maybe 2x per day, and have spoken to each others’ friends.
I’m a high energy person and so is he. Whenever we take photos we’re both making silly faces, from the time of 5 years old. We both have the same values regarding marriage and long term commitments, and he’s willing to move to Toronto. I’m going to stay with him for 3 weeks in December and will also meet and stay with his family for a week. Never mind love at first sight, maybe love on first online.
What differences can I expect when I meet the live person? I’m trying to keep my expectations at an even keel but it’s difficult. And it also seems he’s a true Scorpio and I’m a pretty true Leo, although I’m older now and less egocentric and don’t have to be acknowledged as the King as much. Also I’m very spiritual and a great listener and have learned to bend over the years. Any opinions Elsa?
Canadian In Love
You sound very happy. I am happy for you and I don’t think you’re crazy. Matter of fact, I think you’re fifty years old and by now you know what you want.
I am also aware of more than one couple who moved continents for love with good result, and considering that along with the fact the friends and families are involved and you do not have a chart that shrieks, “This person deludes themselves,” I am going to take your question very seriously.
People who meet online get in trouble when they leave out enormous chunks of who they are. It’s so easy to edit your life. And although it seems you are both communicating in a way that is very authentic, the fact is your relationship at this point is still a stylized version of reality. You could compare it to an airbrushed photograph. It’s real, but not really.
And to be very candid, although three weeks is not three days, I am pretty sure it’ll be a whirlwind and this is the bottom line:
You are not going to know if you can function in a relationship with this man on a day to day basis until you are functioning in a day to day relationship with this man. And that means he has to move, if this is what you’ve decided. And if that happens, the thing will be real… for real.
And you will have to deal with his crap lying around. You will have to accommodate his actual person. You will have to cope with his moods and quirks, the fact he does not clean out the bathtub and vice versa. He will have to cope with you.
So I say, go forward. And you say you can bend, so I would exploit this talent by bending over backwards to expose this man to as much of the real you as possible. In other words, lose the girdle. Tell him, “I am this fat, I smoke this many cigarettes, I binge on ice cream, I gamble…” and whatever else you may not be reporting. Encourage him to do the same and good luck!