I imagine it’s nice to be vindicated. I can’t say I have ever thought about this before in my life but the other night I realized, it’s a safe bet there will vindication for me on a variety of fronts. I was shocked when this came to me, but only briefly. I started to consider what it means to live without being vindicated. This seemed a big question to me.
About 20 years ago, I found out that justice is not always served. You can get away with murder, for example; I know this for a fact. I called up the memory of when I realized this to see if I could relate it to this new revelation and it did help with perspective. I had a hard time reconciling these facts of life at that time. I thought if I could do it then, this should be a walk in the park.
Prior to this weekend, I was not even aware I was waiting to be vindicated, or that I even had the desire for this. But obviously I did because when I realized it wasn’t going to happen; right away I had a frown-y face on. Fine. So I would like to have some vindication, and I will not be getting it. What does that mean?
I quickly decided it meant nothing at all. This could be a defense mechanism, but I don’t think so. I think I have come to a point in my life (or an age in my life) where public opinion is nearly irrelevant. This may be because I don’t think much of the public (sorry), or it may be that as I wrap up my time on Earth, I realize the public is not judge.
I know I am not the only one who wants to be right. I want to be right, and I want to be proven right. I want my right-ness recognized, and I see now, I am not going to get this. The surprising thing is that it’s a relief!
It’s a relief, because I have been waiting for and wanting vindication, whether I realized it or not. Now that I know will die without being vindicated, am liberated from these desires and I now feel I am hurtling towards the future, unburdened.
How do you feel about being (or never being) vindicated?