The Peculiar Newcomer

apple treeMy son and my husband will fly back to Denver tomorrow for school/work.  I’ll be here alone, for the most part until the end of May. I think it will be interesting.

I’ve not been alone since 1995, when my daughter was born. Twenty years! I told my husband I would not have anyone to blame anything on. He said, “You don’t do that, anyway.”

What I meant, is that I’m a caretaker kind of person.  If you take care of others, it can be used as an excuse for not taking care of yourself!

Two months is long enough to come up with some new habits. I am contemplating this deeply.

I’ve long said a woman dies to give birth. You have a baby – that’s the end of your independence, selfishness, etc.  For women who take parenting seriously, this is true.   So what about when your kids are gone?

My son will be back, but not for long. He’s most likely going to live on campus when he goes to college. I think it would be smart to see him as a transient. He’s passing through. I don’t want him worried about me, that’s for sure. He’s earned his freedom.

Part of me looks forward to having time to myself. I wonder if I should feel guilty about this. What I don’t worry about is being lonely. And I’m grateful for this, because I think that’s one of the more awful feelings to endure.

My progressed chart (in this location) is quite Virgoan and Uranian.  Not surprisingly, I’ve decided to walk to do most errands. I’ll be seen as eccentric or health conscious or flat out crazy, who knows?  The same way my grandfather and my mother were seen. It’s the apple/tree thing, what can I say?

I may also be seen a poor…I can’t afford a car? Neptune conjunct my midheaven.

I feel a bit a peculiar. I’m not sure it will last so I plan to enjoy it while it does.

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The Peculiar Newcomer — 23 Comments

  1. Youre in great foraging country. Pine needle iced tea anybody? Also, KY and TN are making some of the best yarn in the country right now, if you’re into knitting. National Quilt museum is in Paducah, KY. (Not sure how close you are to these places). I’m sure you’ll find some thing to get your fingers into…

  2. Is it beautiful there? I wonder what the scenery is like…
    I’m happy you’re happy. Your experience atm is pretty captivating…such a major life transition with your son leaving and you settling into a completely different culture and with everything you’ve all endured so far and your strength/optimism through it all is quite inspirational.

    • I haven’t assimilated the least little bit. I haven’t thought about if it is pretty or not. I just know we’re going to live here…my son for the next seven years – my husband and I for the rest of our lives, we hope.

      It is soooooooo different. People are much nicer. Waaaaay nicer. It may be surface, I don’t know. Maybe they hate you when you leave, but they definitely chat and I like it a lot. I opened a checking account today…and talked to the whole bank, telling jokes and stuff. I enjoy this!

      If I ask for help, help is given. “Do I stand in line here, or go around?” I asked at the burger joint. People extend themselves.

      Then there is the church. Our old parish has 5000 families…our new parish has 149…people or families, I don’t know which. I did let them know we were coming…I was greeted by name when I walked in. I expected this, somewhat, but they also greeted my husband and my son by name and immediately hijacked my husband.

      After mass, we sat and chatted for a solid hour…maybe an hour and a half. The priest approached my son to tell him we were taking too long…I didn’t even notice.

      Anyway, people are super friendly. I enjoy them. I’ve had some looks, but I expect that. It’s like not renting to people with three dogs. Of course you’re not going to rent to people with three dogs!

      I asked a gal where she got her hair done…she had a card in purse – went over to a copy machine and made me a copy. 🙂

      it’s like that here…and people pay their bills in person. They go to the water company, see? And I saw a guy paying his son’s ticket. The gal told him that now his son could show the receipt and get his license back.
      The father explained this is not how the story would unfold, at all…
      🙂

      So it’s interesting.

      The values here are a lot more in line with mine. I am really tired of living with liars, thieves and cheats. Flexible rules. People here know what’s right…and if you do what’s wrong, I think it could be quite punishing. Where I am from, doing right is punished. I’m obviously sick of that.

      I have not locked my car since I got here…and we’re not checking the doors at night either…and this is a bad neighborhood. But I just don’t think people go walking in other people’s houses around here, which is nice.

  3. Interesting, Elsa. My Sun is in Cancer but it progressed into Virgo nearly 5 yrs ago and that’s when my status stooped to an impoverished level literally unable to generate or hardly earn any income anymore. My love life and sex life literally ended (died) when Saturn entered Scorpio. Although, I don’t understand much about progressed charts, in my natal chart I have Jupiter in Virgo 4 degrees 11H, Pluto in Virgo 20 degrees & Uranus in Virgo at 25 degrees 12H, respectively. What does this all mean? Does it mean I will be alone and broke for the rest of my till I die? I probably won’t live long enough to see my Sun progress into Libra (the marriage/love sign). Sigh.

  4. Changes, pretty exciting! Until last week, when my adult son, his wife & their two cats moved back home after his long illness, I had never been totally on my own. Now, no kids, no pets, just me. Nobody cares if I get home on time or if I get home at all. A very weird feeling, but I’m just soaking it in. (My kids have a pool going to see how long until I get a couple of cats.). T. Pluto conj n. sun & T. Saturn conj n. Venus. I’m ok with it for now, let’s see how I feel after the eclipse, which is conj n.Saturn 🙂

  5. Some of the locals considered my parents pecular. I never understood why. Wonder what that says about me! My dad carried a cane bottomed straight back chair on the top of his pickup truck cab. It was upside down, legs sticking up. It was his Aqua self wanting something to talk about.

  6. I grew up in the south east, and had culture shock when we moved to the midwest. Life is slower paced in the Southeast people literally meander it can be awesome or nerve wracking depending on your prespective. People are always nice even when they are not being nice you will learn to decifer the difference, but people are most often corigal and polite regardless, which lend towards passive agressive tendancies. This may sound bad but it’s not it’s just different and when you know that is the culture its easy to navigate. I am excited for you to experience gardening it will be a whole new and wonderful experience for you I can’t help but smile at the thouht of the red clay dirt. Enjoy the local food, and know if you order iced tea it’s going to be sweet.

    • I really enjoy social skills of this type. I figure my feelings will guide me. If I feel bad after spending time with you, even I sugar pours from your mouth, then that will be one thing. But 80% of what I’ve encountered has been really pleasant. I just enjoy it, period!

  7. How I connected to this post…a little different from others perhaps. First I grew up in the south, people are different…I think its the heat and humidity but also the slow change in a culture handed down to them. Its not easy to say my parents or grandparents (or those even before) were wrong but it so easier to say I want my children to be better.

    After that, it is what you said about being alone and your son growing up. My youngest child will be 20 in less than three weeks. My oldest child is graduating with his Masters Degree in less than 2 months and has been offered a position far away from me but at a salary I never could have dreamed of. My children are open minded and accepting of people racially, sexually, culturally, religiously, humorously…so many things my grandparents could not have dreamed of. I am satisfied and happy with this.
    I am headed for old age, 63. So I work everyday on me. My body (exercise), my mind (reading and writing), my faith(not religion but faith) and my dreams.

    Time alone is a rarity and a gift. Being seen as different in a community can provoke change in those who aren’t expecting it. You and them.

    I hope so,anyway.

    • I have no misgivings at all. I’m highly adaptable for one thing. I go native, FAST.

      I did the same thing in Colorado. I just think I am closer aligned with the way things are here then the way things are there.

      Arizona is friendly as well, or at least it was when I lived there. 🙂

  8. Yes, Elsa you are correct. I am a native Californian, grew up in So. Cal and attended college in Northern California. Lived in Colorado afterwards. People in California are alot friendlier and social, even around newcomers. It is a cultural norm. When I left I found out other states are not so welcoming.

    My son was born in 1995 as well. He is 5 hours away in college and I cannot visit him as often as I would like as of late. I am having a very difficult time adjusting to being an empty nester. I feel like a fish out of water, not having a house full of teenagers eating all my food and sleeping on my couch. It has been a very lonely and quiet time.

    I am waiting to hear if I am preapproved for a mortgage for the first time in my life. For some reason, my landlord seems hostile towards me and is extremely intimidating. I pay much more in rent than I will pay for a mortgage, so I am holding a grudge for paying so much to live where I am obviously not wanted. Uranus is about to conjunct my Aries Jupiter, and Neptune is about to conjunct my Pisces Moon so I am full of fear and loathing.

    Wish I was there to show you around some of my favorite Northern California spots! The Redwoods in Santa Cruz, the Chinese supermarkets, there is so much to see and do in that area!

  9. My son can’t wait to live on campus…and he’s 15 at the moment. But I understand. I wanted to go out and live at 15 as well. We have that mars mercury / Jupiter thing. In a hurry to hit the big(ger) world! 🙂

  10. That’s awesome! 15… Omg, my son will be 15 in 3 years! To me my son doesn’t seem that old…seems like yesterday he was starting kindergarten. I hope I can cope when my son leaves, I may freak out and get paranoid something would happen to him.

    In my other comments I was trying to tell you about people down south but for some reason comment just woulnt work..maybe a blocked word. Have no idea.

    • It was probably there…it’s just I’ve not been on the job, properly. So there were 660 spam and I have a phone as a tool, lol. 🙂

      Sorry! But these are going through, so you’re probably right. It’s not your ip. I don’t know what words askimet uses.

  11. When my oldest left home it was hard. Very quiet. My youngest son is 7 years younger and still at home but it was pretty quiet.

    When my youngest son decided he was going to go live with his dad (at 17) because he was not going to abide by my rules (curfew, no drinking) I no longer had anyone to take care of and in my world that is devastating.

    I had to figure out what I was going to do with myself. I mean, I had a job outside my home and I was with my current husband but the house was so quiet. The silence was deafening. My life was defined by motherhood. It was always first. I was a mother first before I was anything else and this goes back years to when I raised my sisters for my mother.

    When my youngest decided to get his girlfriend pregnant before he could take care of himself and the girlfriend wasn’t ready to be a mother I took on a new role… I was a grandmother for the first time but really became a mother all over again for another 4 plus years.

    I don’t see my grandchildren like I did when they first came along. I took care of Scorpio moon all the time, the second g-baby just here and there and the youngest even less as things had changed for all of them.

    Here I am again…. another empty nest. When I got up this morning I looked at the blog and the first thing that stood out (like it was speaking to me) was ——> If you take care of others, it can be used as an excuse for not taking care of yourself! Talk about ringing a bell in my head!

    I haven’t been taking care of myself. Not at all. In fact I take the worst care of myself that I ever have in my life. I don’t exercise like I should. I don’t read like I want to. I don’t go to the hairdresser like I used to. I am a mess by comparison to the way I took care of myself once. And when I think hard about this I have probably always cared for other people before myself. (stupid Cancer Asc!)

    This really hits home for me right now. My husband and I have been talking about it a lot over the last month. He has graciously helped me take care of my kids and their lives and has been waiting for me to be done with it.

    With what is going on right now within my family (them not letting us see Scorpio Moon for her Birthday) (of course we are good enough to have paid over 6 thousand dollars for her education so far and she is only in 1st grade but use the kid as a pawn to manipulate us) We have really decided that we need to move on and look at the next chapter for ‘us’ …. (I cant express how painful this whole experience has been for me, her and my husband ~ gut-wrenching)

    My nest is empty right now. I no longer have children. The people I gave birth to are adults. They have their own journey to tend to. They need to buck up and do it without us. I had a contractor in here today to re-do a bathroom so we too can sell our house. We are looking around at options. We want to be free of stuff. I have a dumpster being delivered here on the 10th. We are hauling all the nonsense out of our home. Stuff the kids wont come and get out of here. Stuff that we have accumulated for years. I don’t even want to think about moving while all this stuff is here. We are no where near hoarders but we have things here we will absolutely never ever use. Just sitting. Like we are some sort of storage for people. And, I have way too much sentimental attachment to 3 different grandmothers belongings. I have carried them on my back for years. On the 10th, I am releasing it all. I am not even going to try to sell this stuff….its all going ….

    This is going to be a huge change for us. But, mostly me. My identity is going to change profoundly when I finally put my foot down. It’s gone on long enough. Who am I if I am not their mother? Who am I if I am not their soft place to fall (take from and give nothing in return)

    If you take care of others, it can be used as an excuse for not taking care of yourself! … This was some statement to see this morning. I thought about it all day. I am going to have to take care of myself. The good news is, I am an outstanding caretaker. I ought to be doing well in no time at all 🙂

  12. You remind me of my mom sometimes. She takes care of everyone and completely forgets to take care of herself. 5 planets in libra anyone?

    When I went to college, she went NUTS! She had no husband to be on her side, she was alone after work. I REALLY encouraged her to do something abt herself during her free time, go to dance lessons, crochet club or whatever. Nothing ever worked, she feels guilty when she does something abt herself, she feels like she doesnt deserve it. I got 2 cats for her and she hates the cats.

    I’m back home after graduation, and I already plan to move away. I can’t handle her, it doesnt feel the same anymore after you’ve had your taste of freedom (and I’m taking the cats).

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