With Pluto conjunct my Capricorn ascendant – I know death is real. I’m headed towards this surgery, or rather two surgeries in two days. I have no fear whatsoever.
I would have a lot of fear if they were cutting through my front. I would be petrified right now. Horrified. I don’t even think I could (psychologically) bear it. But as it is, they are going through my side, the first day and my back the next. Hey! Out of sight, out of mind! It’s so easy to ignore. For me, it is. Neptune.
I know surgery is dangerous. I know I can’t take things for granted. But I also can’t pretend I feel things I don’t. I expect to be back on this blog after surgery… as opposed to being dead (or paralyzed or whatever). But I might be dead! So it’s interesting how people talk to me. It’s just as interesting how I talk to them.
I have noticed myself interacting with people in a slightly different way. Well, it’s deeply different, but you can’t necessarily tell on the surface. Pluto in Capricorn conjunct my ascendant impacts my feelings (4th house), my relationships (7th) and my public image (10th) – no kidding, look at this blog. Point is, the small change is actually large.
While this has always been the case anyway, when I send an email today, I am very aware it might be the last contact I have with someone. I have been blogging for nearly 20 years. I have known some of you all the way back to the beginning. I don’t want my last communication to be crappy!
Many of you know, I recently lost my friend, Mary. She was an old lady, dying of cancer, alone. I kept her company for her last year of life.
Mary’s name comes up on my phone, pretty frequently. What am I supposed to do? Delete her? I can’t do that. But I see her name and think of the conversations we had. They left such a mark on me and outside of that, she’s just gone.
So I’m noticing this. I can feel it. I don’t want to leave someone with a bad “last contact”.
I am enjoying consulting right now. Whatever card I may hold, it may as well be placed on the table, face up. I had a hilarious consult this morning, at six am or so.
The man told me he was greatly, prolifically, masterful.
I told him, not so much, because he failed to slay his target.
After that we laughed and laughed.
That’s a good last convo, right there.
Do you recall your last conversation with someone who then up and died? How do you feel about it?
ps – I was initially afraid to post my actual spine. I thought it was so gross, it would be bad for business! I don’t mean to be Capricorn-ed out, but I do have responsibilities and bills to pay.
But now that I’ve put it out there, I feel okay about it. It’s not hurt business at all. Pluto crossing my ascendant, is revealing my secret burden, so it’s right. And let me tell you; there is more to come. Oh yes. There is a lot more to come.