The Day Some Men Decided To Discuss My Body Parts…

bartenderI wrote this after a conflict erupted on this blog some months ago but this story is relevant always.

I have always been upset by one person’s critical comments of another person’s body or appearance and have confronted it since I was a teenager.

I am 18 years old in that picture, I was a bartender. I was pretty cute little victim, you think? NOT.

I used to work in this old man’s bar (Saturn). It was a small place, most the customers were regulars but the bar was on one of the major arteries in the city and occasionally someone new would stop in.

One day this these two guys came in. They were younger than what was usual for the place, maybe 30 or 31. Remember I’m a teenager.

I got them their drinks and I can’t recall specifics but they started to piss me off right away. They just irked me with some kind of lecherous thing said under the breath or so I thought. I couldn’t be sure it had actually happened.

Based on that and the fact I was a TOTAL professional, I left it go. After all these were paying customers and I work for the boss, always.  So I ignored the thing and went back down the bar to where some of the regulars were… aka friendlier territory.

The two men had a another drink and perhaps another, each time I served them there was some kind of subtle exchange I didn’t like and each time I ignored it. Instead I offered them a nice smile, very hostess-y. I was pretty sure the whole bar was oblivious to what was going on but then it happened.

“Yeah, her breasts okay, I guess. They’ve got a nice shape but they could be a little bigger,” one of the men said as if he were whispering.

Well I’ll be fucking damned.

I was facing the cash register at the time and I spun around, slammed my hand down on the bar (Mars Mercury) – BAM!

“You don’t like my breasts? How about you put your dick and the bar and I’ll tell you what I think of it, son-of-a-bitch!”

The whole bar went silent. No one could believe what I said so I repeated it. “Right here”, I bellowed, cute face and all, again banging my hand in the spot where I thought the dick should go. “Let’s see the dick, you bastard!

Total silence, though by now the whole bar was staring at these two. The men squirmed for about 4 seconds, muttered something unintelligible and then got up and left and you see nothing has changed.

I have a pretty good bar here and I am in service but I have my limits. I think my limits are in reasonable places but if you think otherwise there are other bars.

People were appalled in the bar that day. The bar was full of men, I was the only women and each of them had a dick. You can just imagine the un-comfort.

My customers had to decide if I was an insane hothead or what. They might have thought so in the moment but fact is I’d been serving them all for a year or more and on a deeper level they knew better.

Do you defend yourself? If not, why not?

 

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Comments

The Day Some Men Decided To Discuss My Body Parts… — 82 Comments

  1. This is still so badass, Elsa!
    You are better looking than Ashley Judd.
    Del is also a badass.
    kashmiri-what is this stereotype, dykes chewing ice cubes?
    I’ve heard the one about them wearing comfortable shoes.

  2. Good for you Elsa, you sure are quick, I love this story! I’m trying to learn to defend myself that well, I usually only think of a good comeback to rude comments well after the ‘event’.

  3. Hats of to you Elsa, I hope i will have such courage someday, i have always avoided such situations.I am learning how to defend myself assertively.

  4. I do defend myself now, but I didn’t used to;
    the reason is because I’m not good at arguing with someone: I’ll just kill the conversation (scorpio mars).
    My angry mars does not come out often, but when it does there’s no reply to that.

  5. Oh Elsa I love this story! I was a bartender for many years, and wholeheartedly approve of your handling of those nincompoops.

    It reminds me of a time I was working at a busy bar in SF… my co-worker, also my friend, was busy and had some exchange with two guys sitting in front of the well. I was mixing a drink (an Absolut cosmo, I remember), and as she walked away, one said to the other, loudly, “What a f***ing bitch”. Well… suddenly the shaker in my hand was flinging that cosmo right in his face. Oops. He was mad, but his friend was rightly afraid and got him to high-tail it out of there, stat.

    Not proud, but still somehow glad I did it. I guess the Aries warrior in me will always defend those I love, ferociously.

  6. this story is AWESOME Elsa! I think I don’t defend myself as much as I should b/c I would never think twice to speak back to others since I’ve had a lot of limitations growing up. Mom (Cap) was tough and at times a totalitarian… I went to catholic school (grammar & high) where a endless number of restrictions applied and it is only now that I’ve learned to break out of that shell. I think of things to say AFTER the fact but in the heat of the moment I become like a deer in headlights & try to run away after being hit. I’m looking forward to the day I can let loose and open a can of whip ass on someone who dares to tread on me!

  7. I never defended myself.. up til about six months ago, but I’m nowhere near witty enough to say something like that. Feels good to have some balls growing though, but someday I’ll have some like you Elsa; right on!

  8. I think your response was great!
    I have always defended myself. However, sometimes it has gotten me in trouble. I have a 26 year old daughter who always defends herself, but sometimes it tends to get her in trouble.

  9. Cancer sun in the 12th and like spacerockz, catholic school raised, still can’t contain mars conjunct mercury & asc in the cardinal 1st house sextile by pluto. I’m wondering if this is because of my cappy moon, as I will stand up for myself, for kids, and for women or men that can’t seem to do it for themselves. Seems like a father figure/authority kind of thing brought on by my emotions (moon in capricorn)

    LOL at the hand slam! I do that all the time, when things are ready to come out, I’ll get their attention and they WILL hear me (I’m normally soft spoken), except I’ve learned not to use my hand-it hurts- use a nice hard/loud object to make the noise/ get the attention. LOL!
    Angie

    • Mar/Uranus conjunction in Cancer, Cancer sun in the 3rd house. Cap moon in the 8th. Anger flies out of my mouth and in their face before I have a chance to edit. I have thrown coffee in a misogynistic neighbor’s face as he was mouthing off about me in the safety of his car. Happened so fast, not the whole cup, just a bit to let him know I meant business and to knock it off. He was flabbergasted! Gave him the finger as he drove off. Maybe Cancer over-reacting, but everytime I think about it, I smile. 🙂 He’s moved out of the neighborhood since 😉

  10. Well, I haven’t had too many occasions where I’ve had to defend myself… or rather.. most of the time… if something has bothered me.. I typically let it go, IF it’s someone or something I’m not going to see much or again. I’m pretty much like.. “whatever” lol.
    There have been occasions where I’ve had to defend myself with ferocity… and I have done so, with good effect. Thankfully that has only happened a few times in my life.
    My favorite defense to this day is turning the tables in a sorta fun, light hearted manner, but in which they still get the clue…. I have used this in situations, like at a workplace, where I know I’m going to see someone day after day. lol.
    Case in point.. I used to work in the school cafeteria in college.. there was this dude there.. we were friendly enough, talking and joking.. well ok.. He took to calling me Hooters (yeah that’s right I have big boobs.. lol big deal) ANYWAY…for a while I’m laughing it off, big deal right? It’s just a stupid nickname and well.. it IS descriptive yeah? lol After a while though and he’s calling me this in front of my other co-workers.. he has officially crossed the line.. lol.. so.. one day I go in… there’s a group of workers around and this guy… he of course says “Hi Hooters” or whatever… I whip back “Well Hi There Scrotum!, How’s it going?” LOLOL nice and loud so everyone can hear. Ummmmm Yeah, he never called me Hooters again. 😉

  11. Elsa,

    When I was 15 there was this good looking guy named Joey who was always picking on smaller kids in school. One kid he picked up and put him in a trash can during lunch and teachers did nothing about it. He was a menace to everyone including teachers.

    Anyway one day, during Study Hall, he started his usual picking on the other kids routine and again the teacher just left the room so they could ignore the behavior and not address it. And Joey decided to pick on me.

    I did not do anything to provoke him, he was bigger than me and I didn’t want trouble. I was sitting at a table with 5 other boys sitting at the same table when Joey decided since he couldn’t get a rise out of me then he would start to pick on the other boys. The other boys were even smaller than me.

    I finally decided I had enough and I got soooo mad I stood up real fast (just as the teacher walked back in the door) and hauled off and socked Joey with everything I had. Joey didn’t move. It was like hitting a brick wall. And I knew I was in deep trouble and waited for the return blow. But it never came. Joey just stood there with shock and disbelief on his face. The teacher just smiled and turned right back around and walked out the door again.

    Joey never picked on anyone ever again. I was a hero to many and I couldn’t believe what I did myself.

    Just thought you’d enjoy this story.

    Be Blessed!!

  12. Yes I will. I have Mercury in Sag conj. Saturn and Square Pluto so if I get angry enough…and with semi-sextil to my Mars in Scorpio I see it as I will use some serious words to blow you away and I will use them with the aim of my stinger to go exactly where I want to them to be effective to not only wake you up but to make sure you never do that again.

  13. @Mark – good for you!!

    @Elsa, When I was bartending/cocktailing, guys would sometimes say things under their breath too- but, what really crossed the line, was if they actually touched me. I had a standard comeback that worked every time… (In an Irish brogue) “Try that again, and you’ll be pull’n back a bloody stump, ya will!”

  14. @Carrie… I’ve been to Ireland and some of my best moments were in pubs, at the twilight of the day. Loved the warm spirit of those places. If I could wish for a great comeback it would employ humor and shock, as yours above did.

    Kudos to you Mark… that was awesome.

  15. This is a very funny story! l try to defend myself and others. l have no problem with strangers…
    but people l know or some relatives can block me sometimes and it hits me later.
    Depends on the situation and people…

  16. So many comments! Seems it´s been miles i´ve scrolled down now 😉

    GREAT ONE, Elsa! Mars-Mercury…*smile*

    Just one more story from me: i was working in a bar in the Hamburg red light district off Reeperbahn when i was 23. The place was called “London Pub”, very small, very red light still, so it attracted all kinds of english speaking people.
    One day a bunch of American army soldiers came in on their day off – highest grade and the one in charge was a sergeant, i remember. He desperately tried to get the guys to behave, but to no avail really, so i had to take over and manage the crowd (about ten of them). As i was alone behind the bar and we had two rooms for people to get served, i had to be here AND there. So one of the guys speeded behind the bar and stole the glasses, one by one. Put them in his crotch… When i finally saw him do that (i would have to pay for all that was missing), the sergeant whispered to me to just let him, he (sergeant) would give me the stolen items´worth back. Of course i charged him doubly…;-) But – i´m not good at playing dumb and i never was, so finally i grabbed the thief -to his surprise! – pushed him against the wall, reached down into his pants, pulled the glass out and said VERY loudly: ” I figured yours wasn´t THAT big!!”

    Spoiled the fun for him, but sure raised it way up high for his comrades!

  17. I’m a long time lurker and first time poster. All I can say BRAVO!!! I would do the same, I have Natal Pluto in 12th house. I’ve been taught since I was young to never start a fight but never back down either. I will definitely tell your story this Thanksgiving to relatives (in-laws) and BFF (best FREMIES forever). This will be my ICEBREAKER after a cocktail of KLONOPIN:-) Wish me luck.

    p.s. I love your pix

  18. As someone who’s been in the restaurant biz, that was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!! Your response was completely appropriate start to finish.

    Once when I was waiting tables, a loud man was bragging about the size of his penis as I was walking up to the table. He turned and asked me if the restaurant had a ruler and I quickly said, “No, but we do have a flashlight.” The ladies howled and he sat down and shut up. Ha!

  19. I personally think that this is a great story. I also see why you would go off on those two jerks. I have never cared for conversation about a persons body parts no matter what their gender. Other than saying wow that person has a beautiful smile weather they are male or female is one thing but discussing some one as if they were up for sale or something that should never be done. It is beyond rude in my opinion. Rudeness should not be tolerated ever especially after a point. There is always a point of no return and once past that the person in question should defend themselves or they will be run over always. At least that is the way I see it.

    Oh and by the way great picture if you were 18/19 years old in that picture then you have not aged much at all same beautiful lady now as you were back then.

  20. Gorgeous then and gorgeous now! I applaud you for what you did because they needed to know it wasn’t acceptable to treat you the way they did. There’s a certain point at which you can’t allow others to walk all over you.

    I’m a Libra (obvs), but my rising sign is Scorpio, so I think it makes up for the so-called wishy-washiness others seem to think Librans have. Like anyone else, I don’t like confrontations, but when necessary, I will step up to the plate. And when I do, watch out, because that Scorpionic sting will come out when needed. I don’t use it willy-nilly, but neither will I be pushed into a corner to tolerate the intolerable.

  21. This is great food for thought. I’m pretty flat chested so I don’t get much in the way of leering about my body parts. I would have said that I let most things go, but Mark’s post just reminded me of something that I haven’t thought about in probably two decades.

    In junior high we had two class bullies. They were girls, they were twins and they were merciless – I got a lot of flack from them both. I was a bookish, pretty awkward kid. One day, in woodwork, twin number one announced to the class that I had started my period. She started pretty quiet, then got a little louder, then louder – and I finally snapped. Was holding a woodwork mallet and clocked her on the shoulder.

    I was a) in total shock at what I’d done and b) expecting to be sent to the principal. Whole class went silent and she started wailing. The teacher came over, she told him I had hit her and he said I probably didn’t mean it (I really did, even though it was wildly out of character – I was on the debate team) and that maybe she should move to another bench.

    Neither she nor her sister ever bothered me again. So I guess I do have boundaries.

  22. BRAVO, Elsa. Men need to learn that it’s NOT ok to judge a woman by her body parts, nor is it acceptable to make comments like that in public. Also – WOMEN need to stop judging other women by their shape, weight, clothes, haircut and accessories!

  23. OMG that has to be one of the most brilliant comebacks EVER Lmao!!!!! Elsa, youre amazing. Seriously. I would have never thought to say that, and if I did, I dont know that I’d have your guts at 18!

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