The Best Relationship Advice I’ve Ever Given

There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.”
              –Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I am a Pisces, and boy can I spot bad Pisces. I’m not saying I’m good Pisces all the time. Those Pisces are so rare that they have whole religions devoted to them. But everyone has Pisces in their chart somewhere, in some house at least, as well as a Neptune somewhere. So in some regard, we all deal with Pisces (Neptune) in ourselves and with each other. I think I just had a revelation (Pisces Mercury) about how to deal.

These three rules if implemented regularly will save you a world of confusion (Neptune!):

1. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. This comes from Gavin de Becker, a security specialist and author of several books on maximizing intuition and creating personal safety. People give you some very strong “tells” both in their actions and their communications.

2. Look for a person’s actions to reflect their stated intentions. If they do not, it is a red flag for not using their energy to its higher purpose.

3. Look for reciprocity. If you compliment them, do they compliment you back? Maybe not right away, but over time? If you give them a gift, do they give you a gift? Perhaps they don’t have money to spend, but do they give you an intangible gift in return, over time? Is the energy exchange balanced?

What do you think of my rules?

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Comments

The Best Relationship Advice I’ve Ever Given — 31 Comments

  1. Very good advice. I especially like #3. Whenever somebody does something nice for me I always enjoy returning the favor. My Libra loves balance.

  2. I did #1 with my daughter’s father and I cannot begin to tell what level of grief that brought me. Once somebody has profoundly lied to you about who they are, it is very difficult to regain trust with any man you try to enter into an intimate relationship with in the future.

    Our relationship ended about 10 years ago because I found out who he really was. And because of the truth coming out, my ability to trust anyone was shattered. I got to a point where I would take what later man said to me with a grain of salt. (this is largely only in a dating context though). So for example, if they said “Hi my name is X and my occupation is Y”. I go into a state of “suspended disbelief”. What that means is that I will mistrust that information until I get corroborating evidence that they really are X and have Y as an occupation.

    I cannot watch movies like “Matchstick Men” without breaking out into a sweat.

    I have spent years in therapy trying to “erase” and “undo” the damage to my psyche that was caused by his heartlessness but sorry to report that it’s still there.

    I agree that as a general rule your rules make sense for the average person but someone like me whose ability to trust has been severely warped, rule #1 is of no use. I do continue to employ #2 and #3.

  3. mahchi, #1 is complicated. it includes such things as using the phrase (or phrases like it), “I’m not gonna lie.” If someone has to tell you they’re not lying… in this instance… it usually means they’re willing to lie. reading between the lines of what someone tells you about who they are… invaluable.

    I highly suggest reading Gavin de Becker. HIGHLY.

  4. I like your rules! Actions always speak louder than words in my book and reciprocity is essential in a relationship especially since I’m a strong Libra. I think men often give you what one of the matchmakers calls ‘lemon drops’ on the very first date about why they may not make a great boyfriend if we listen closely enough to what he’s sharing and not let our attraction distract us. An example would be talking bad about his ex (you’ll be next) or admitting that he’s never been in love (intimacy issues).

  5. Bravo Satori! Everything you said is true. I have gotten into relationships because of this or that reason, and then when something weird was presented to me, I basically pretended it was not there, to keep the peace. I was so stupid!!! In the future, I am really going to watch for red flags. I think when you get into your 40’s, hopefully by then you know yourself and what is acceptable to put up with. At least I sure hope so!

  6. Sounds very much like what my Capricorn Moon tells to my Pisces Descendant about dealing with other people. 😉 I’ve learned I have to be very frank and straight forward with people as well, not letting there to be any ground for misunderstandings, due to this and Neptune squaring, thank goodness loosely, my Ascendant. People will see what ever they want to see in me, if I let them.

  7. This stuff is sooooo good ! I’m just thinking about your girls, satori, and how damned lucky they are to have a wise mama to tell them what’s up. I could’ve avoided a lot of pitfalls, had I a caring Mom to give me the low-down ! Instead, I stepped ‘in it’ — A LOT !

  8. Hmmm love 2 and 3 but I’d have to argue 1 over time, people are dynamic and change, circumstances can dictate behaviour despite their core values-I know this from my own persona. Unless of course it was just about “who” they are and “what” they do

  9. I could have shaved some years off my last relationship and saved some time – if not heartbreak – if I’d just taken him seriously when he said he’d never fall in love again. I wonder if his current squeeze knows that…

  10. So just blindly accept people are who they say they are? I’m not a naturally suspicious person but age and experience tells me I should question number 1 unless of course I misinterpreted it

  11. I remember Maya Angelou saying the same thing regarding #1. I definitely agree. Sometimes it’s hints, sometimes it’s between the lines, but sometimes they actually clearly and literally tell you who they are.

    One guy once said to me, in jest, “I’m a jerk.” And he was in the end!
    Another guy said to me, “I know, I’m an asshole.” when he was making fun of other people. And you know, he really was.

    Both times, I stayed longer than I should have.

    Thanks Satori for a great post!

  12. I’m beginning to see now that satori was speaking metaphorically about Rule #1. I was being literal. My ex said “my name is X, my occupation is Y and I am from Z”. None of this was true. There were inklings that some of his statements might not be true but when someone says “hi my name is X” you tend to believe them. It is hard to imagine – as it was for me that there are people out there, and he was one of them that lived under a false identity.

    I have great difficulty now believing what people tell me, particularly men. Identity is more fluid than most people realize.

  13. I used to think how people treated me was about ME. Great advice Satori!! If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck… it’s probably a duck. Or if he talks like a jerk and acts like a jerk.. well, you get the idea!

    Now I look for intentionality all the time. If I say I’m going to run I run, or call I call, or quit smoking I do. I’m tired of listening to other peoples’ excuses. Put your money where your mouth is.

  14. oh and on the flipside, I started looking at myself in these three ways too. I used to say “i’m not really good at relationships” right out loud to potential suitors without realizing it. And I wasn’t very good at 2 or 3 either. Once you recognize this in yourself and strive to change it you will attract a partner who is also in a better place energetically.

  15. Your posts are so sweet. I was watching some older Lily Tomlin interviews and thinking she is just so so so so sweet. And wise!
    I think the rules are awesome. I have a Piscean in my life now who just rocks my world. I think she would laugh at these rules though, with Gemini Mars. Then she would realize (Mercury Pisces) how damn wise they are.

  16. Actions are where the action is.

    I’ve had some “bad runs” with Pisces south nodes. They know all the right words, but sometimes little of the right action. When that kicks in, chaos rules more readily.

    I’d add one to your list. Do I feel drained around this person at all? If yes, get away!

  17. On my first date with a particular man I saw that not only was he dishonest, but he was dishonest about his dishonesty. He got a phone call as we were driving, did not answer it and then checked the message. Then he said, “I’ll wait to pass that light because then I can call her back and tell her that I am out of town and I won’t be lying.” The particular light was at the city line. An alarm went off in my head at this blatant rationalization of an untruth that did not have to be told. All he had to say was, “I can’t make it”. and leave it at that. Over the next 2.5 years, I have seen him rationalize his penchant for lying over and over again. His reasoning is always, “I didn’t want to hurt you.” But he never seems to get that his lack of integrity is the most hurtful thing of all. He has Mars in Cancer trine Neptune in Scorpio, and Moon at the end of Cancer squared Neptune. I have a strong Neptune too.

  18. On my first date with a particular man I saw that not only was he dishonest, but he was dishonest about his dishonesty. He got a phone call as we were driving, did not answer it and then checked the message. Then he said, “I’ll wait to pass that light because then I can call her back and tell her that I am out of town and I won’t be lying.” The particular light was at the city line. An alarm went off in my head at this blatant rationalization of an untruth that did not have to be told. All he had to say was, “I can’t make it”. and leave it at that. Over the next 2.5 years, I have seen him rationalize his penchant for lying over and over again. His reasoning is always, “I didn’t want to hurt you.” But he never seems to get that his lack of integrity is the most hurtful thing of all. He has Mars in Cancer trine Neptune in Scorpio, and Moon at the end of Cancer squared Neptune. I have a strong Neptune too.

  19. Number 2 is THE rule to live by. When someone tells you they love you, but then treats you like shit, backstabs you, ignores your feelings, whatnot – run like hell.

  20. Actually, Gavin DeBecker got that from Dr. Maya Angelou. 🙂

    Still great advice, though – especially since I’m struggling with the communications of a man whose Venus is conjunct my Neptune.

    Again.

    *sigh*

  21. With Venus square Pluto and Neptune in Scorpio (8th house), my common sense used to fly out of the window. Now with Saturn in Libra (7th house) I’ve been focusing on these same issues. I’m determined to find a healthy relationship. Thanks for reminding me of my goal for the New Year!

  22. “Over the next 2.5 years, I have seen him rationalize his penchant for lying over and over again. His reasoning is always, “I didn’t want to hurt you.” But he never seems to get that his lack of integrity is the most hurtful thing of all. He has Mars in Cancer trine Neptune in Scorpio, and Moon at the end of Cancer squared Neptune. ”

    Yep. My ex.

  23. In fact come to think of it if I had to do it over again, if I had heard that only once I would have said okay, let me out of the car. Right now.

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