When Ben told me he was uncomfortable due my lack of homophobia… and further that he had been for 10 years, he pushed me into my own un-comfort zone. Because I have Capricorn. And Capricorn likes to control things, particularly how they are viewed by the public.
So if you understand this kind of sensitivity, maybe you can see how disconcerting it was for me to find out a friend had been utterly bothered by something I would never have considered bothersome. I mean, who would think that being un-homophobic would cause their gay friend grief?
And what came across from my perspective was the fact that for 10 years he was thinking all these things he is thinking and whatever they may be, they are completely out of my control. Get it? I can’t control your comfort level with me! Duh!
But it was unnerving for me to discover this. I had an impulse to ask him what else was bothering him. You know. Grill him! Dig it out and then maybe I could spin it, or defend myself! But that would have been stupid of course. I was not being attacked.
So I had to become comfortable with the fact I made him uncomfortable without reacting or trying to change my behavior. I also had to become comfortable understanding that when we would connect, there would be no telling how he was feeling or what he was thinking considering he concealed this thing for 10 years! Which is a challenge for Capricorn.
Because what if he’s thinking, “This gal sucks. I am sick of her.”
And that may sound incredible to some, but this is a very normal frightened Capricorn thing to think! Capricorn is plagued with fears of this type. So you can see where the growth occurs. I’ve got to keep showing up with these potential warts I cannot hide since I have no idea where they are! Comfortable? I don’t think so! ::smirks::
But a dozen years have passed since then. Ben and I have been friends for going on 25 years even though I make him uncomfortable and he disturbs me! And it is one of the most profound and profoundly productive relationships I’ve ever been part of. So that’s the pay off. But what about you?
If you have these type fears, how do you deal with them? Do you have planets in Capricorn?