Synastry: My Planets Fall In His 12th House

dream frida and globeHi Elsa,

How does it affect synastry when one partner’s personal planets land in the other’s 12th house? What does it mean, and how does it affect things? For instance, my Sun and Venus land in the 12th house of my ex/long term best friend. I’ve always been madly in love with him, and he claims he isn’t…but his actions speak otherwise. Can he just not see it because of this placement? What’s the deal?

Heather in Boulder CO

Hi, Heather.  I don’t think I can give a uniform answer as to how planets behave in the other person’s 12th house.  I also can’t tell you, definitively, how they’re experienced by the person who has their twelfth house activated. This is because there are endless ways these things can play.  The twelfth house by it’s nature is diffuse and undefined.  That said, I do know something about this.

Most sources will tell you that the twelfth house overlay is not good for relationships. The general claim is that it disturbs the person whose twelfth house is activated. I understand this. Some would be uncomfortable with someone seeping into their dreams or communicating with them in the ethereal realm.  It might be like having an itch you can’t scratch.

However, I have a group of planets that fall my husband’s twelfth house and he’s had no complaint with it. In fact, I was his spiritual company for more than the twenty years we spent apart.  If a person is open to the supernatural, this would be a positive thing to see in an overlay.

Specific to you, the overlay situation might have some play here, but my guess is that there’s more to this story.  Someone may be misinterpreting something. Or someone is misleading someone (deliberately or otherwise).  It’s possible the blind spot is yours, not his.

It’s difficult to tell what’s going on here. You say he’s your EX-best friend.
He told you that he is not in love with you.
These are “actions” of some type.

Without knowing of his opposite actions that indicate his interest in you, it’s hard to weigh this and determine what the deal is.  Feel free to elaborate in the comments. We may still be able to figure it out.

Good luck!

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Synastry: My Planets Fall In His 12th House — 36 Comments

  1. In the synastry between my husband and myself, my Mars and Saturn lands in his 12th house.

    And yes, it plays out just you would think it does. More so after 15 years. And it is hard and painful for a… physical… person like me. I know I can read him more accurately than anyone else in his life and it scares him sometimes. Conversely, he denies my physical needs. It’s unbelievably painful.

    We have other aspects in synastry that are more positive, but the Mars issues come up a lot.

    I wish I could see your charts so I could have a better picture of this. That 12th house is a tricky one, and both charts would be helpful in sorting through all that.

  2. If his actions speak (this would be something your pick up on intuitively) that he loves you, but his words don’t. It means he has an inner conflict going on that is psychological in nature. It means he needs to work through then and the only way to do this is to, effectively lie to you, so he can havevtgecspace he needs to work through his issues. It is sometimes necessary to give people the spacevthey need, even if it hurts. If he truely loves you, he will sooner or later find his way back to you. Everything has a timing. If you Love this person, let destiny take it’s course and have faith in divine/universal timing. It’s like the saying…’if you Love someone let them go. If they are yours they’ll come back and if they don’t they never were.’

  3. I can vouch for this too. I either lied to myself or the other was lying to me and it was very difficult and painful to deal with. I felt I was “led” to believe they cared for me, and while showering me with attention, long distance no less, never told me they had feelings for someone else they were trying to avoid. When they found out about him talking to me they were furious that he never told me about THEM! He enjoyed the attention and games for sure and he had a Gemini ruled 12th house. It just went down a long and winding road until it got out of control. Elsa tried to warn me, but I couldn’t hear. I still dream about them and I wonder if I “bother” them in their dreams too…lol

  4. I have had a short lived adventure with a man back in 2013. He was a cancer rising, Scorpio moon, sun in Gemini in the 12th.
    As if it was not enough he has moon conjunct pluto in the 5th and Venus square Pluto and Venus trine Saturn.
    My Sun, Jupiter, and Mercury are in Gemini and fall in his 12th house.
    He seemed very interested at first but the moment he felt I was getting attached he used the ” I am not looking for a relationship” card. It felt a bit cruel because he acted as if he was so I felt led on as he observed me slowly falling in love… Anyway
    With my heavy Saturn influence ( Venus in cancer in 10th opposite Saturn + stellium in 4th house) I don’t do well with non committed relationships and I felt what he did lacked integrity so I just left it there as I would not have been fulfilled.
    However I have to say until now he has been writing twice a year sending me wishes bday and Xmas. He never forgot and it almost feels like he is watching me closely on social media. I always wonder whether he has feelings for me or not. But I guess with the 12th house influence I may never know…

    I can confirm that he appears in my dreams often and usually these are precognitive dreams. No idea if I appear in his?!

    He s got a new girl in his life and I wish him well!

    It’s surprising how much love I have for him but it all seems so complicated in his head/heart that I choose not to act on my feelings and just let time do its job. I trust everything happens for a reason!

    Love and luck to you all!

    • Lol. I have something of a business relationship with someone. His sun falls in my 8th and his moon in my 12th where my sun is. I am very partnered elsewhere in my life but looked up his chart because he feels like family or someone i knew in a past life or something. We work well together and it is always professional. But it just feels like i knew him before. And it is an easy relationship. Very easy. I dont have other words for that. Now i know why. Lol.

  5. 12th house synastry is way too murky for me to tangle with. As somebody with a 10th house stellium, including Mars, Moon, & Venus with Aries on the midheaven–if somebody fails to openly display their feelings for me, I’m gone. I’m not about mind-games or double messages or emotional landmines waiting in the trenches. Either come correct or go away.

    As for this guy, he’s telling you all you need to know. He doesn’t want a relationship but he wants you to feed some unstated emotional void so he keeps you strung along with longing stares and subtle flirtations. Let me you –move along. He’s a vampire and he’s not worth it. Take the love goggles off. I promise you –a guy who pursues you is a far, far better fit. 😉

  6. I have my Venus in my would-be partner’s 12th House conjunct his Moon along with my Sun on the cusp of his 12th, his Sun is partially in my 12th House, his Neptune is in my 5th House conjunct my Mercury, and my Moon is in his 4th House conjunct his Mercury, Mars, and Jupiter. There are other harsh aspects between our charts, but overall the more connective and important synastry points overrule the bad. I am so swamped with feelings for him all the time, am pretty much obsessed, really, but there are no real connections between us except for ‘in the air’. Yet and still I have been in love with him for going on over 2 years. I feel lost a lot of the time, but feel even more lost and dead inside whenever I walk away from him, but I never stay gone for too long, even though I claim I will never come back. I just can’t seem to walk away from him or ‘shut down’ on him totally. I leave, but I always come back after a while. It’s really … SOMETHING, and at times it’s like being on a roller coaster ride. OH! And there is a very strong square between his Mars and my own, which creates a lot of stress between us at times, and his Saturn is square my Venus. What do you think? Thank you for any input/comments. 🙂

  7. Hey I would like to know more about the 12th house synastry I have my bfs Venus Jupiter and I think another place landing in my 12th house but my sun sign, Mercury, and Jupiter are all in the 12th house so idk if that has a lot to do with why it’s so easy to connect with him because I read and obsessed over a secret relationship but it’s way out in the open all over social media on both side and his family knows all about me and my family knows all about him I’m just so confused like yea sometimes I’m thinking he’s not telling me all his feelings but I feel like I know him on a deep level and then I feel like I don’t like he seems too good to be true it makes me automatically not want to trust him .. hmmm

  8. Okay, this advice is not even remotely astrological, but take it from a person who dated a lot, and always with an intention to settle in a committed relationship. I jokingly used to call myself serial monogamist. Here is a formula: Unless a guy acknowledges his feelings for you within a month, maybe 2 months (or 10+ dates) of serious dating… openly, plainly, simply, without subtext, without mindgames or alternate plan Bs in his head,drop him. Without remorse, without emotional pain, without what ifs. You will not regret it.
    Men take longer to grow up emotionally. Some don’t want to, ever. Some are evil and just want to get in your pants. Some are just hung up on their exes.
    You WILL find an emotionally available, decent man if you don’t settle on lesser models. Just give it time and have moderately high standards for yourself.

  9. I often attract men who has Leo personal planets which falls in my 12th house. The last one who was a crush had his Leo sun in my 12th. I really like the Leo energy. Having someones sun in your 12th though, I don’t believe it is a nice experience for the planet person, especially a fire sun. I believe it caused a lot of confusing both for him n I. But how can I be sure.. its the 12th house..

    • Hi everyone (waving)!! Long time away for me. In re: to the 12th House attractions, not surprisingly, I always attract Gemini natives – mostly Lunar Geminis, or those with Gemini strongly paced in their chart; i.e., Mercury, Venus or Mars. Sadly to say those attractions/connections do NOT work out well and the relationships are of short duration, for the most part. Two+ years in most cases (which makes me want to just go HIDE in my bed under the covers, lol!) – and in only one instance where the connection has lasted throughout many years with us now being friends, of sorts. But that energy is always in the background waiting for a chance to re-ignite.

      Just can’t get past my Gemini obsessions, I guess. Lifelong, apparently – Dad was a Sun/Gemini, Mom was a Sun/Scorpio – the WORST connective relationship ever!

      Thanks for reading my post!

      Much Love & Light,

      • Oh … one more thing:
        I am a Sun, Venus & Jupiter/Sag native and my Venus is opposite to my 12th House Gemini placement (Uranus-RETRO). No WONDER I ‘can’t get it on’ for long with my Gemini partners …. but I must admit … they FASCINATE me!!

        Love & Light,
        ~Trish 😉

  10. Hey! I’m more of a silent reader but this one hit home, so I’ ll share my two cents.
    My ex and I had our suns in each other’s 12th. It was a relationship that brought up many subconscious issues for both, but also very intimate, we shared a lot of stuff we’d never shared with anyone before.
    It lasted for a year and we functioned well in the one-on-one, but had trouble integrating it with our lives. It never went fully public (as in, while everyone knew we were together, we never met our friends or family). It ended when I invited him to my father’s birthday and he just couldnt do it (insert childhood issue here). I wouldn’t say it’s a bad experience but I’d personally avoid 12th house placements

  11. The 12th House!! Brrrrrrr …. SPOOKY!! I had a very strong, sexy, DARK, dangerous and tumoultous ‘tete-a-tete’ with a Sun/Gem Moon/Sag guy which put my Venus/Sag SMACK in his 12th House! I have to admit that I, with my usual 3/Sag and 3/Leo stelliums went after HIM because I was ‘so sure’ he was my soul mate. It turned into something of a horror show, and although I made the decision to cut all ties, every time I would weaken and ‘go back’ I would get BLUDGEONED emotionally and psychically. GOD-awful!! Guess that his Sun/Gem didn’t like me pursuing him, but he toyed with me from time to time as he was, natch, curious about how I ‘worked’. He was and is also a very adroit liar, and even though there was very great chemistry and connectedness between us, I had to end it. Sorry, Mr. Gemini …. just keep on going in the OPPOSITE direction away from me as FAR AS YOU CAN!! Lesson learned: let the men pick ME instead of the other way around.

    But what made it all so compelling, is that I REMEMBERED HIM FROM TWO PAST LIVES when we were mates!! Told him, but am sure he did not get it, but I’m sure it made for interesting playback. Oh …. and NO MORE 12TH HOUSE PARTNERS FOR ME!!

    • Trish how did you get over it!?! I’m stuck. It’s been a year since we last saw each other and 5 months since we last spoke. I don’t want him anymore as he rejected me but I can’t help but stop thinking about him. Will this ever end!?!?? I am an independent person and this is killing me emotionally, physically and psychologically! I’ve cut our contact channels. Thinking this would help. Oh lord:

      • Hi, Steph – sorry for the long delay in responding. Right up to this year I have still been battling my feelings in re: to the guy I was totally swept away by. It is a hard process …. you just have to separate your spirit from them somehow, as that seems to be the deepest connection between you and them. You have to distract yourself in as many ways as possible, do other things, meet other people. Even PRAY, and pray hard for them to LEAVE you, your sector, your spirit. For someone who may be married to a 12th Houser and are tanking under their emotional and spiritual holds, just try to find ways to LEAVE them, leave the house you share with them, and move far away. Leave no traces where you can be found, as these BAD 12th-Housers seem to be emotional vampires, and thus really get off on feeding off of YOU, your fears and trepidation. I would even go so far to say that they may be SP’s (sociopaths); these people seem to have a DEVIL deep inside of them …. like a Gemini (no offense meant) they are both good and evil, but THEIR Evil Twin often does the acting out. And if they are thus planted in your 12th House, soon ‘the fun’ begins with you feeling like you were run over by a truck or a fast-moving train.

        Yah, that 12th House synastry …. it be TROUBLE at times, and very hard. I’m all thumbs up, though, for those who do not nave the bad effects of a 12th House synastry. You are BLESSED!!

  12. i do notice that if someone has 12th house moon and im also 12th moon, we mirror eachother. What he/she hates in something, i can see that they do the same thing, but they can’t “see” it. so i point it out, and im more aware. which is terribly disturbing for anyone who doesnt want to face things. because it hurts to know this about yourself, or just accept it. Its like that alcoholics anonymous quote of acceptance of who you are …thats why its not good for people to judge other people because they are not and never understand how to live in their shoes. and weirdly 12th house does later show the othher person to live in those shoes. i’ve seen it many times in others too. so the judging becomes like, omg i am judging myself kind of thing lol I beleive this is mostly for those aware and can face truth/accept themselves however greatly flawed and love themselves.

    • Hi, Elsa!! (Waving). My 12th Houser actually taught and showed me the GEMINI IN ME that I was in denial of. Not too hard for me to figure out, even though for years I was dodging it. My own Dad was a Sun/Gemini native who made TWIN SIGN siblings (he was a ‘classic’ Gemini man with multiple ‘marriages’ and households, lol!) thus I didn’t want to ‘be like him’. But I was raised by a Sun/Scorpio mother (with her Moon in Sagittarius) and Virgo ASC. Boy did WE clash, but seemingly there were no 12th House synastries between us. My 12th-Houser Sun/Gem Moon/Sag BROUGHT OUT MY OWN GEMINI COMPORTMENT, and then I also remembered that I had started out as Twins but that my Twin didn’t make it in the womb. But all of my life I have been in the habit of TWOISMS …. that is my unrecognized trait of doing and having doubles … 2 of this, 2 of that … 2 of the same clothes articles, 2 of the same type of lifestyles, apartments …. DUBLIGATO all OVAH the place, lol!!! I only noticed it after my 12th-Houser came into my life and affected me deeply – that is when my own natal Gemini placement came out in me full and strong.

      HOWEVER, with that ‘new Gemini’ in me birthing, I also recognized very deep and troubling things within HIM that were NOT in me (thank the LORD!!), but at the same time on his POSITIVE/GOOD TWIN sign I recognized parts of myself that were. It’s a bit of a puzzle, really, and I may not be explaining it clearly, but I do see what you mean, Elsa, in mirroring tendencies. I really felt that I WAS him … that is, until he started bashing me mentally and spiritually. THAT is a swift ender for my 3-placement Leo (read: ‘THE QUEEN’) who became TOTALLY OFFENDED by his antics. He could not and cannot change …. but I CAN (4-Sag placement, counting the PF), and thus I DID. I no longer see ‘our reflection’ of each other … I only see himself popping up in my mind here and there, but he now seems dark, untrustworthy, and truly not worth my time.

      Am THANKFUL that it finally ended, but at the same time I value the lessons learned from ‘our dance’. My TWIN SIDE also is grateful, but is now more ‘underground’, and that may actually be a blessing, as I also began to mirror his BAD actions and ill temperaments. Blessings come in MANY modes and appearances!

      Love you, Elsa – many thanks for this wonderful forum!

  13. So I’m confused about being confused lol I’m dating someone all of our planets are 12th house but my natal chart is 12th house filled already.. everyone in his family knows about me and everyone in my family knows about him they know we’re also expecting a baby and so does social media lol .. I feel like we are very secretive together though like we are very codependent on one another and that’s really it far .. I keep reading stuff about 12th house and it’s scary I already have issues but like I said my natal chart is already filled with 12 house placements like sun, mercury, Jupiter, and something else … and now my relationship?! Hmm idk all of this is confusing.. now I will admit we do mirror each other a lot and both get mad at each other for things that we both do because we both know what the other one is actually doing it’s kinda annoying I see a lot of things about myself in him .. we have a baby on the way we both work super hard and always together I had an astrologer tell me I probably won’t ever meet his family and I met them all and also in another state same for him so I’m confused with this

    • Sometimes 12th house synastry is easier if you have strong Neptune placements or 12th house placements because your more familiar with it. 12th house isn’t only secrecy and I rarely see it that way 12th house synastry is beyond limits. Pisces is the sign without boundaries. This could be the unconditional kind of love people look for, it’s about whether or not you can handle it. People who are willing to fully trust can let themselves loose in the 12th house if you show hesitation than it can make a big difference. The sign over the 12th house also is a big signifier

  14. I started seeing a guy whose Venus is in my 12th house as well as his Mercury in my 12th house.
    Him: Cancer sun/moon, Libra rising, Gemini Venus
    Me: Libra sun, leo moon, Gemini rising , Scorpio Venus.

    I’m so obsessed with him. I love him so much, I don’t even know what to do with myself. I never know what he’s thinking, which is rare for me. I find myself questioning him all the time, whether or not I believe him or believe what he says. He told me he loved me so many times and then took it back, and he told me there are things he needs to work through. When we are together it’s like time is nothing. I’ll blink and it’s 1am. I just want to kiss his cheek and heal his wounds. When I’m with him it’s like everything else in the world just melts away. I don’t know if he really loves me but I’ve never felt this connected with someone before.

    • He acts like he’s in love with me, he acts like he cares deeply for me, he’s there for me and has even held me while I cried. I really have no idea what’s going on but we have crazy placements, if anyone wants to discuss further please let me know!!

    • Hi, Feeling. Well, your handle actually matches his Cancer placements, as the Keywords for Cancer is “I FEEL”, and that is the key to him. If he has Moon/Cancer, just know that you are dealing with an emotional and sensitive soul, which of course will make him insecure in his dealings with you. I have friends and one niece with Moon/Cancer who are entirely emotional and often easily bruised, though they hide it well under their hard, decorative shells. My ex-12th Houser has Venus/Cancer which made it difficult for him to open up, unless it was totally on HIS terms. So, know that their insecurities and feelings may get in the way of connective relationships. You might also note that he has Venus/Gemini – very problematic, IMO! There will defo be issues and concerns regarding faithlessness, as Gemini males are often butterflies flitting from flower to flower chasing that ‘honey’, lol!!! If he is also your 12th Houser, please know that anything with him will be brief, for the most part, or there will be a series of back-and-forth connections with intervals of his ‘ghosting’ you for long periods.

      Ironically, your experience sounds much like my own, excepting my 12th Houser turned mean and abusive, even though I was ‘ARMS OPEN’ to him at all times. I wish you luck in dealing with your guy; maybe it will turn out sweeter than what I went through. All 12th House relationships are not bad; mine was.

      Love and NAMASTE

  15. His mars is in my 12th house. On top of this, his Pluto is either square or conjunction my NN, I’m pretty sure it’s the square. I love him, he opens me up to questions I would never put a name to but a part of me just wants to run away where he can’t find me. He scares me sometimes because he has a violent tendency and I think he activated my 12th house because all of a sudden I’m afraid to be with him for the rest of my life even though I know we were made for each other. I’m afraid he would stifle me and “kill my spirit from the inside out”. I’m going through a bunch of Uranus and Pluto square transits right now and I have a very strong feeling this will not survive. Only because I feel his Mars in my subconscious,yelling at me to do better and not understanding that I don’t respond well to that. I’m also worried he is using me on many levels and though his words and actions say otherwise, I feel that this is at least partially true. Mars in 12th house plus all the unease I’m feeling is scary and terrifying. And the worst part is I can’t tell if he’s going to be my salvation or my greatest self sabotage and final, complete ruination of my life.

    • It’s a 99% chance that he’ll hurt you, but what makes it bad is that the Mars person doesn’t really know that they are. That’s an aspect of a battle between the Mars person & the 12th house person. The 12th house person can annoy Mars because of the lack of immediate action. Unless he is catering to the spiritual side of you, it’s just not a good place for Mars to be in.

  16. Wow …. this also sounds a bit like my own synastry with a crazy Sun/Gem Moon/Sag man. His Moon is in my 12th House, and my Venus is in HIS 12th House, thus I felt captured by him. His Mars is conjunct my Moon and North Lunar Node which made it all the more compelling; his Neptune/Scorpio (which is Retrograde) is conjunct my 5th House Venus, and his Uranus and Pluto fall in my 3rd House where my IC is. Long story short … I am finally over MY 12th House ‘love’ for many of the reasons posted by Morag. I felt this awful DREAD of him mixed in with the deep love longings that I held in my heart, and would just burst out CRYING whenever I felt his spirit coming near me. I still don’t know WHY that occurred …. maybe it was some inner knowledge of how he is deep inside. I finally got totally turned off from him and just decided to forget him and put as much distance I could between us, physically, mentally and spiritually. Am thankful that noting bad occurred from him, but there was the feeling that he could and would hurt me. Maybe we should all listen to our ‘inner voices’; intuitively we always KNOW who is bad or good.

  17. Someone help I’ve done so much research on this but I was with this guy for like a year and then he ghosted me, disappeared deleted all social media, but I still dream about him and think about him frequently and it’s been 3 years. I ran into him the other day out of the blue and he said hi but it was too painful for me to even confront him and I was so mad for so long. We have our moons in each others first houses which for my cancer stellium does a lot, and he has mars and venus in my 7th house. I have Jupiter sun and mars in his 12th house in cancer and I really hope I didn’t hurt him. I cared abt him so much but I read that the mars person is the antagonist. I knew he got around a lot so I was always afraid of letting him in but I’m afraid I caused all the distance. I never even considered he could’ve liked me because everyone liked him and every time I think he tried to tell me I shut him down cause I didn’t want to be one of his conquests. I act so stupid around him and he makes it hard for me to think properly at all. Every synastry aspect I’ve read into says that he should have felt more for me and I just don’t know if that could be possible. I forgot to say my venus is in his first house and when we met it was like that scene from twilight where Edward walks into the cafeteria in slow motion, the wind was blowing (indoors!) and it was unreal and he sat down at our table and I felt like my entire body was on fire.

      • I don’t think it was his fault he told me he was going through a lot and I know he was but he asked me be friends which I thought was friend zoning me but he has aquarius descendant and he told me to watch this movie afyer he asked to be fruends where the opening line was friends can’t be friends and have sex and he said he wasn’t done having sex. And that’s when he disappeared. I don’t know despite how he treats me I just always want to help him and at the time I thought if needing space was what would help him fine but I can never seem to tell him that. It’s like the subconscious need to help him grow as a person. Idk if it’s cause it’s cancer in that house or my super exhausted Jupiter giving me a savior complex but it’s kinda like familial love like no matter what he always has a place in my heart.

        • Hi, Name Again. That’s so commendable of you to always have a welcome for him in your heart. I can only state that my 12th Houser ended up pretty much devastating me – perhaps it was because of his Sun/Gemini in my 12th House and my Vwnus/Sag in his 12th House. I was more into him from the very beginning – I went after HIM and found out that he really resented it. He turned out to be one dark character and a real piece of work, and it took me nearly 3 years – with all SORTS of ups and downs, bumps and bruises, to get over him so that I could outs him from my spirit. But as his Sun is ‘caught up’ in my 12th House, he now and then tries to make an ‘appearance’. NO THANKS!!! Once around, up and down was TOO much for that villian! I wish you lick with your 12th Houser, but there is a saying that 12th House connections are doomed to fail – at least at one point. As he has moved on, you must do also. Hanging onto him and wishing for ‘return engagements’ may bring you much heartache, and even loss – he might be a sociopath and if that is how ‘he rolls’ you could lose much in the ways of material goods. Just count your blessings for the ‘dance’ you experienced, and move on to someone/something new.

          Love and NAMASTE!

    • Wow! You got bit BAD by the oh-so charismatic, elusive 12th Houser! Maybe it’s fortuitous that it ended early for you, sweetie. Mine lasted for nearly 3 years amid a ton of torment, aching for his love, trying to understand the hostility, the mental/spiritual abuse, trying to help him ….. all SORTS of ‘goodies’/1 In the end, it was me that ‘jumped ship’; who needs that kind of nonsense in one’s life? His acts of ghosting you and shutting you down via social media makes me think that he might also be a tad sociopathic – that’s a common trait. In hindsight, I now believe that my 12th Houser is just that. Glad that it’s OVER!!

      Love and MANASTE!!

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