Surviving Your Relationship With (Or As) A Sensitive Type

A lot of people clicked back to read the year ago post about the 8th house and the shadow today.  They made remarks which prompted me to go back and read it myself. satori does the year ago posts now so I have no idea what is coming up on those but I saw that I wrote for whoever might understand what I was talking about understanding that not might be everyone so I’ve decided to try this again.

Pluto in Capricorn is almost exactly square Saturn in  Libra and will be in the last 2 weeks of January.  Some people are seeing drastic effects.  If you’re not, then you’re not so don’t get scared.  The people who are getting crushed know who they are so this is for them.

Some in relationships have felt the need to amputate or temporarily block access to their partner and I can tell you firsthand that what is driving this in most cases is a fear of survival.  One partner feels so incredibly drained by the other, or triggered or whatever, they simply have to break off.

This happened to me a few days ago with the soldier.  The interaction became so intense I just had to isolate which I did.

I did it in mature fashion. i told him I was going to withdraw and why and once I did, the relief was enormous.

On the second day of very limited contact I realized I was experiencing the same feelings I did when I was a teenager and I would throw him out of the house (he had somewhere to go – the barracks).

I never missed him after I did that. I never did it in a fit of anger either. It was not like I was throwing things and stomping around after he was gone, muttering, “that bastard”. No, I just felt totally relieved as if I was going to be able to survive after all.

I never did not love him during these periods. I don’t think I have ever not loved him since the day I met him but that does not mean I can stand what he is capable of putting a person through and get this: totally unintentionally and unbeknownst to him.

Fact is, it is not in the soldier’s nature or character to torture his girlfriend. He doesn’t have so much as one hair like that on his head but this does not mean it is not torturous to be around him at times.

So this is just a heads up or some information for those of you who have seen or are seeing your partner beat feet.  Chances are very good they have sensitivities you can’t see and they are doing it because you’ve pushed them to a point where they are going to break if they don’t escape you.

Just so people ’round here don’t worry about me, the soldier and I recovered and it’s all been interesting because it shed a lot of light on this ritual throwing out thing we has when we were young.  I was able to tell him how I felt both then and now (the same) and let him know what goes on when he’s not around.

He need not worry for example. It has nothing to do with loss or lack of love. It has nothing to do with power plays or manipulation. People like me simply have to isolate to recollect ourselves and while we are in our process, out of pocket, the other might think about the things they do that send a person they love ’round the bend.

People like me absorb and contain energy. We’re pretty damn good at it but there is a saturation point and if you push us to it too frequently, the leaving will be permanent or very long lasting and that’s not a threat, it’s a fact.  You can lose very valuable people this way and I know because I’ve been on both ends of the equation.

I quit talking to my sister; eight years passed before I spoke to her again. The reason was because I was dying and she couldn’t see it.  I had a Scorpio withdraw from me once for the same reason. He stayed gone just about as long. He still limits his contact with me.

Live and learn, ya know?

 

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Surviving Your Relationship With (Or As) A Sensitive Type — 25 Comments

  1. I have a friend that went to a very difficult time and I was her shoulder to cry and lean on… I didn’t mind one bit until not too long ago! She was in a very depressed mood and it was affecting because I started to feel depressed myself and totally drained of energy whenever I talk to her or near her… I felt really bad because I didn’t want to cause more harm to her then necessary. I haven’t really talk to her for about a year now and I still feel moderately drain and also a bit guilty.
    Her life is better now and she’s happier but still dealing with her issues. I would like to tell her that I don’t hate her but that I need a break but I’m afraid of her reaction. If I’m not telling her how I feel, I feel like I’m controlling her reaction. So I told her that I’m busy (and it’s true!) but it’s only a partly truth. I’ve been thinking about a way to tell her without too much hurt feelings…
    I’m like the soldier in that sense (8th mercury square saturn-pluto in my case) I take a long time to make a decision but when it’s done it’s done (fixed!)
    I’m learning to deal with my sensitivity and knowing when someone is draining my energy and when I need to recharge to feel normal again.. I’m not used to this yet.. (moon-mars-venus in pisces square neptune..)

  2. Well it all makes sense now. I’d collect myself after the soldier would be gone a week or so and we’d take off again, great guns. It’s pretty satisfying to grow old enough to consciously understand what is going on. It was pretty funny to remember how I felt after he left. “Whew! West and wee-weif at wong wast!”

    I mean you can love someone to the bone but if you don’t think you can survive, that Scorpio or that 8th house kicks in and that’s it.

    People have NO CLUE what they put people like me through. And then we hate them and they’re all mystified.

  3. Yeah, I understand. It’s happening to me – on both ends. I feel reassured that love still can and does exist while this is happening..

  4. wow this post is insanely timely, as I was just reading through the ‘de-friending’ people on facebook posts. I de-friended then re-friended this Scorpio guy a few times. I don’t think he ever got over the initial de-friending or the fact that I tried to “break-up” with him and get back together. He never stopped talking to me but basically stopped initiating contact until I stopped chasing him. Then he said I was neglecting him, and I told him to fuck off and he acted all innocent like “but I’m just now opening up the lines of communication between us”. It wasn’t until then that I realized that I had been talking AT him not TO him all that time and that he was just letting me hang myself with my own rope. I wish he understood that I don’t do that stuff to manipulate him but to protect myself from his very intense energy. He has moon in Taurus opposite Pluto so I don’t think he even realizes how intense he is, since he basically projects it all outward.

    But then sometimes I wonder if I don’t do it to manipulate? I’m less inclined to think so because I don’t only do this with him but just kinda disappear and withdraw for long period of time from the internet (and real life) because I find it all so overwhelming sometimes.

    I thought I was the only person who did stuff like this. How does one communicate this to their loved ones so that they don’t take it personal? And how can you know for sure whether you’re being manipulative or not?

  5. These aspects can intensify a person’s energy to the point where it is literally painful to be near them. Especially if you are sensitive and already overloaded. I wish more people understood this. But the more it is explained, hopefully the more people will.

  6. BTW, I don’t mean that their energy is good or bad, its just that it gets intensified, and it is the intensity that is difficult to process.

  7. This mystifies me.

    I am one of those people who need to take breaks and recharge. I go into my cave, “periscope down” so to speak, and I let everyone know it. “Hey, I need me time! I’m recharging, be back later!” So I completely understand other people wanting to do this.
    What I don’t understand is other people not being comfortable with telling me they need down-time. That’s ridiculous. If you need down-time, then say something and you’ll get your down-time! No questions, no hard feelings. Take your break and come back when you feel like it. It’s not going to ruffle my feathers! But instead they just disappear and stay disappeared because it’s all my fault they can’t tell me they need a break.

    Pluto, Pluto all over the place. Anything it doesn’t hit directly (three planets and my nodal/MC axes conjunction), it hits via stellium. But I love the cranky bastard, so I suppose it’s all good (Sorry, E, but it is! 😀 ).

  8. “And how can you know for sure whether you’re being manipulative or not?”

    I’d say if you’re manipulative, they’ll be a pattern of that.

    “What I don’t understand is other people not being comfortable with telling me they need down-time. That’s ridiculous. If you need down-time, then say something and you’ll get your down-time! ”

    Sorry, SaD, but you are exactly the kind of person I want to get away. Someone who can’t figure out why I’m not them.

    This is exactly what the soldier does – he has an expectation I behave like I spent my life in Special Forces which not only is unreasonable but completely diminishes (denies) what I actually am.

    After awhile it becomes fine with me he go off and live in his superiority… and inability to see his own shortcomings. I can’t tell you the relief to not have someone telling you what or how, you should think and feel, what you should do etc. while complete denying what you are trying to tell you.

    After awhile you want to just go lie by a pool and let the mighty go anything as long as they do it far away from you.

  9. My husband always needs to walk away first – in the very beginnings of our relationship I would panic and think this meant we were done. I have learned over a very long time, it’s just what he needs to do, and he has always come back.

  10. I…yeah. This is why I’m glad I’m in a long distance relationship. I often wonder if there’s something wrong with me and I do try to be less sensitive, but it’s still there.

    Elsa: “After awhile it becomes fine with me he go off and live in his superiority… and inability to see his own shortcomings. I can’t tell you the relief to not have someone telling you what or how, you should think and feel, what you should do etc. while complete denying what you are trying to tell you.”

    YES, THIS. Even when the other person doesn’t do it a lot.

  11. I’m going through something very similiar, a situation that was very long lasting and is ending in divorce.

    I am really surprised at how much negative energy I have absorbed over the years, both from my ex, from my mother, and from others around me. I’m seeing that I’ve really been a negative energy sponge, shielding others simply because I COULD take it and they couldn’t! Yikes.

    In regards to my ex, once I moved out all that negative energy fell to my eldest daughter… who was, at first, angry with me for leaving, but then moved out herself a few months later because she couldn’t take it! Clearly I was a buffer for her.

    All his negativity was literally and physically making me sick. It is such a relief to finally see the dymanic. My mother does the same thing and I can only take her in small doses.

  12. I’ve written about ten comments and deleted them all because I can’t get what I want to say down in a way that makes sense.

    The basic gist of it is, I don’t understand how wanting other people to tell me what they want or need from me makes me unreasonable and a person to flee from.
    I’m perfectly willing to let people be who they are, exactly as they are. I don’t try to run other people’s lives or tell them what to do. I don’t even give advice unless someone asks for it.
    All I ask is that you let me know what you need so I can give it to you if it’s in my power to give. I’m not you and I don’t know what you need. I’m also not a mind reader, so I have to rely on you to tell me.

    It seems to me that most people are extremely uncomfortable with asking for what they want, though. They’ll do this, that, and the other and expect someone to figure it out instead of outright saying it, not realizing that to the other person x, y, and z might mean something totally different.
    If that’s what’s going on, then it’s not my fault that your needs aren’t getting met. I’m not the bad guy for not being able to read your clues. It’s your responsibility to yourself to let other people know what you need to be happy. That’s why communication is the cornerstone of any relationship.

    If asking others to man up and make their wishes known is such a bad thing, though, I suppose I can be the villain. But I’d much rather have a dialogue with someone, no matter how unpleasant, than have them shut me out of their life for their martyrdom.

  13. SaDiablo, we may very well be talking about different things. All I know is I am not a green beret so I do not act like a green beret but I am something and it is pretty damned special.

  14. Crap I just wrote a post but it didn’t post.

    I wanted to respond to SaD..

    “I don’t understand how wanting other people to tell me what they want or need from me makes me unreasonable and a person to flee from..”

    Thing is is that it’s not about you. 🙂 So it’s not because you do or do not do something etc.
    Sounds libra to want them to do something that will make you able to respond better.. And I soo understand this and have tried it but have learned that I sooo don’t want this. I want them to be conscious in order to actually be a better partner.

    For example I’m sensative to moods and food.. saturn in cancer.. when i tell my libran mother this she doesn’t understand and thinks it needs a solution other than eating.. like going to the doctor etc.. because SHE doesn’t have the same sensativities.. (or at least isn’t conscious of it.. she still doesn’t see how she ALWAYS gets tired after drinking cola or booze.) So I usually mention that I need to eat and then she reacts but it isn’t about her.

    I end up shutting up when it’s too much. Thing is it has NOTHING to do with her as a mother or in any way needing to provide suggestions.. I know the solution and will take action on it. But in the moment she is bouncing off me like a ping pong ball and saying/thinking it’s all me. She used to tell me that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed .. well at 35 there is no wrong side of the bed.. so it’s a we dynamic not a parenting one and some things just are different between 2 people.

  15. Not sure if you people are talking about overt behavior, or more of a leaky vibe type of thing. Maybe it’s both.

    To the extent that you are sensitive to their energy, and that’s what you want to flee–what advice can you give us leaky vibe types? How can we better polish and contain our presence?

  16. This is so right on Elsa!! I am going thru this exact scenario right now…and its coming from both sides. In fact i am seeing several people around me dealing with this…isolating, people being at their saturation point, hiding out, being temporarily cut off, etc. Things are certainly intense nowadays…and in the middle of the eclipses…and merc. retro…GEEZ!! Interesting times for sure!!

  17. Scorp – apparently this topic is too broad or I have communicated poorly or I am just misunderstood. liz is on the same beam I am.

    I don’t see the soldier as leaky and the other relationship I had in mind when I wrote this is this is the same situation I am in. That is, the partner with the packed 8th house took off, Friday I think, with this, “See you Tuesday”.

    This was after months and months and months of repeated pleas for mercy so the situation(s) I am talking about are very distinct.

    One person refuses to see they are devastating the other despite their heroic attempts to break through and/or communicate and eventually the bough breaks.

  18. excessionista–that’s good. I have a hard time with that (Neptune conjunct Jupiter) frequently, especially if there is a lot going on.

  19. Elsa, I totally understand this. I am a very sensitive type (12th house sun, Cancer moon in 4th), so if anything, I feel this.

    It’s come to the point recently that I had to withdraw – from EVERYONE! I see my boyfriend only on weekends and I haven’t gone out with family and friends either. I think I came to a point where I really DO need to be alone because I need to limit this… emotional absorption. Like you I can absorb anything that sometimes I get into some weird mini identity crisis about it. Time will tell when I can resurface again.

    Thanks for this again.

  20. I definitely get this and have had to take such measures a few times in my life with people I loved dearly. I am a Scorpio and don’t let people close often, when I do I am loyal and will pour all of my energy into the relationship and give that friend (or lover) everything I have. Unfortunately the people I have allowed the closest in my life have also wounded me the deepest and I reached a point in several relationships where I felt like my energy was being siphoned because I felt so deeply for that person that their pain was tangible. Retreating or amputating was self-defense because over time it felt like they were killing me. Once I reach that point however, I don’t allow that person close again. I give fair warning when I know I am headed in that direction. I am currently going through just such a struggle with an Aries friend. She is going through a divorce and while I love her and cannot imagine my life without her, she is draining me right now. I have told her a few times I am reaching my limit, to which she accused me of making threats. It’s not a threat, I just don’t want to do it and I am giving her the chance to prevent it before it is too late. I hope she takes it. I need her.

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