Dear Elsa,
I fantasize about belonging to someone (an extremely dominant and possessive Scorpio type guy, to be specific), but at the same time there are few things I hate more than having my independence stifled. Intellectual and emotional compatibility are absolute requirements – but granted those, if there’s not also an intense—and I do mean INTENSE—sexual chemistry, I’m not interested in being anything more than good friends. I also don’t do casual sex, as it has only ever left me feeling like crap.
My standards are very high, I admit, and my needs can be contradictory but I have never ever demanded anyone else to conform to any of them. I’ve just said “Well, we’re obviously not compatible, that’s all” and moved on.
Do you think I should just get comfortable with the fact that I might not be cut out for long-term romantic partnerships (and the sex that goes with them)? That situation wouldn’t be so terrible as I could probably be pretty satisfied staying celibate the rest of my days—there are bigger and more important things in life to be concerned about, it seems to me—but I really don’t want to…
Submissive Taurus
Canada
Dear Taurus,
You’re pretty demanding for a submissive type. ::smiles::
Your requirements are exacting and you don’t demand anyone conform to your standards, you just leave them when they fail to conform to your standards!
What you have is a chart full of oppositions. You have Venus opposite Neptune, various other sundries that all combine to create a hall of mirrors where the thing you are looking for is what you are and the thing that repels you is also what you are.
Does this preclude you from having a sex life? I doubt it. A relationship? No.
Does it preclude you from being a successful submissive? Yeah probably, seeing as you are as dominant as you are submissive… dang!
There is nothing to do but explore this your whole life.
Good luck.
I disagree in that I think Submissive Taurus has the potential to make an excellent sub. Empathy for the other is key in a dominant-submissive relationship. I’d recommend ST explore her local bdsm community for tips. They appreciate someone who is clear w/their boundaries and if she likes, could help her have fun with them, to play with the contradictions she puts forth so clearly. Also, contrary to popular belief, it’s not necessary to be into pain, leather, etc.
In the BDSM world, there is such thing as topping from the bottom. It’s a dominant person with submissive tendencies. So you can have both worlds, as long as you and your partner have a clear understanding of yours/their boundaries.
Also, as long as your high standards are not just masks for personal fears, there’s nothing wrong with looking for someone that fits your criteria. Just make sure the lines of communication are clear.
Good luck!
She could also try being a switch. Although it does involve non-standard relating, having one submissive partner and one dominant partner might balance those urges for her… if she sets guidelines with the dominant partner that he does not control her relationship with her submissive.
I have many squares and oppositions. The simple Moon in Taurus 11H square Sun in Aquarius 9H is really difficult to live with – it’s taken me years and years to only understand what they both wanted individually. I love to travel (Sun/9H) – so when I travel (Sun 9H), I do good food, comfy places (Moon Taurus), meet good friends (Moon 11H Sun Aqu) and so forth. And compromise! There are still stuff I’m not entirely sure how I could compromise but I’m getting there. Took me years, though. So, I believe that exploring life as Elsa says is the right option.
let her explore her own destiny
Taurus women are very complex beings. Ambiguous thoughts. Contradictive personalities. Introverted. Conservative and guarded with our emotions, but liberal in views and expression. Due to the ability for a Taurus woman to have a passive-aggresive personality, she can be BOTH dominant and submissive. She would not have to compromise either trait. There are men who can compliment those traits. Scorpio men want control…but not absolute control. They really need reassurance. They have very little respect for weak women. Taurus women are not weak! A Scorpio will allow you your freedom as long as you make him feel like he’s King. I am a Taurus woman. I was with my Scorpio man for 3 three yrs. He was very possessive in the beginning. When he learned that it was driving me away. He changed. I did, however give him reassurance, and total honesty. Being with an intense Scorpio, sexually is worth it. He wants a woman who has a high sexual libido…but does not want a woman who’s a quick lay. A Taurus woman such as yourself fits this category perfectly!
As a Taurus woman… and besides with a Scorpio bf… Aphrodite Bull, I totally agree with you!
🙂