Stricken…By Whatever (Uranus Square Pluto)

pillsYesterday I got a letter from one of my doctors. He said he’s quitting his practice for seven months, so he can take medical treatment.  I was shocked.

I thought back to the last time I saw him. I can’t say that he looked well. I’m not sure he ever looked well but he’s an excellent doctor.

I was not going to be seeing him again since I’m moving. But I emailed him to wish him well with his treatment and to thank him for his good work over the years.

I thought about how a person can be just going along and then something like this happens. You get some kind of diagnosis. It happened to me, didn’t it?  And so you deal.

Lupus is not the end of the world. It’s not the end of my world. Barring some extraordinary happening, I’ve decided to treat this with Plaquenil and nothing more. I have no side effects from this drug and I just don’t want to complicate things and risk getting lost in a world of drug side effects, clashes or complications.

From what I can tell, this means I am going to have sores on my face, mild to moderate, maybe half the time. After living with severe sores for five years, this seems a pretty good compromise.

I will probably continue to be cold. I’ll have to watch my stress level and most definitely avoid direct sunlight, especially to my face. I’ll need a lot of sunscreen and this is the worst part – I will probably have to wear hats and mess up my hair! That’s the worst of it right there!

On the upside, I’ll avoid is endless trips to the doctor. I’ll avoid experimenting with powerful drugs which may do me more harm then good. I will being frustrated, asking questions that have no answers. I can just go on with my life/

I know our culture wants to be perfect. Lose that last ten pounds, right? I’ve gone beyond that now. Once you’re stricken, it puts things in perspective.

Think about my doctor. He’s not that old. In his forties, maybe? He aspired to be a doctor at one time. Now he aspires to survive. It’s a big shift.

I read a story recently, about a couple in their 80’s who have been married 62 years. They have six kids, but they lost one of their sons to a sudden heart attack when he was sixteen years old.  This would have happened decades ago but it was mentioned in the article because they were stricken at that time and it changed their life.

People who survive something like that typically want to find meaning and purpose in life, since the pain is often unending.

Have you ever been stricken by something, suddenly, that hit you so hard that it changed you forever?

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Comments

Stricken…By Whatever (Uranus Square Pluto) — 18 Comments

  1. Oh yes. This may seem banal, but my Ex leaving me definitely changed me forever. It was sudden, once I uttered the words “Do you want to end this?” and he said yes, he was gone the next day, and I’ve only seen him twice (!) after that. I’d had an inkling things weren’t right for about month before, but I never realized how wrong exactly they were.

    That killed any illusion I’d ever had about controlling much anything in my life.

    This was brought up yesterday on Doctor’s appointment, too.

  2. Yes. I have a congenital heart condition and 7 years ago I had massive heart failure that without surgery I was sure to die. The operation was also very serious and chances not good. Alas, I pulled through but it does put things in perspective. It changed me in the fact that life is too short. After a good year recovering I went to study music, something I put off because of family responsibilities. I now I have a degree in music and teaching and just started learning harp.

    I do still get more physically tired than most people and have chest pains but hey I’m alive! There are road blocks still, recently I was discriminated against because of my condition in gaining employment teaching, and I found out I probably won’t be able to have children, which is heartbreaking to hear but honestly I’ve been through worse, and it could be worse. Events like this shake you but I’ve gained so much too. If you told me ten years ago I would be playing harp and have a music degree I would have never have believed it! If anything I’m more appreciative and grateful as cliche as that sounds 🙂

      • Aww thanks Raven, lol it is heaven, even when you play badly you sound good. P.S great screen name. Have always loved that name, and love the birds as well.

  3. I feel like there was before uranus conjunct IC and after (about 5 years ago) I’m a different person I’m not sure who I am yet and often feel it’s all a dream …I’m trying to formulate what my life and who I will be now …

  4. sure. end of a long term relationship at 40 felt like I was crossing over a high wire bridge into another country. Been alone since then in the land of single, middle-aged women. Death of my brother, when he was 40, moved my entire family into another time zone of grief and “if onlys”, where the landscape trembles and nothing is what it seems.

  5. Nah, not really. . . I can’t really say I’ve ever been through anything truly traumatic. Throughout my life, my lot has actually been pretty decent and my growth has been slow and steady and not jolting. I should be a lot more grateful than i am.

  6. Divorce hit me so hard I was never the same. More than once. I hurt deeply. It was pathetic the amount of pain I felt over the loss, and I was the one that left. I had no choice, I had to do it, but it was horribly painful.

    When I was a child my grandmother told me the worst pain I would ever feel in my life would be heartache. She lost three children. Daughters. The first at about 8 months old. The next were twins, she lost both girls within a month of their birth. My grandfather hurt her too. She never had what one would consider a good life. I didn’t know what to make of it when she told me, I was young. But, she was correct.

    Relationship failure of any kind has always been deeply painful for me. What I didn’t realize at the time was my role in it. Today I know, and take responsibility for my part.

    After my first deeply painful experience I haven’t let many in. I swim in a very small pond. A Scorpio trait, I know. But, I probably take it farther than most. I would rather be alone than have that kind of pain again. It took a very long time to recover from it. It made me wary of people. I trust very few people. I couldn’t even trust my parents.

    If you don’t know me and looked in on my life you would think I have a thousand friends. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I know a lot of people because I have lived here all my life, but they are not close. Just the folks I wave HI to when I am out. I don’t invite them over. I don’t tell them anything deep or important.

    If I hadn’t married the Pisces (because we started as friends and I had known him for years) I would have never married again.

  7. Yes…And the pain is unending. Or more accurately I should say, it resurfaces from time to time. Going on 15 years now and I still have not found any meaning or purpose to my life. I keep searching…and drifting. It’s occurred to me recently that perhaps the search *IS* the purpose. That just seems ultimately, deeply unsatisfying though. I don’t know, maybe not everyone has a purpose in life.

  8. I was looking at your life upheaval post and thought about my mother. Into the 60s conjunction I was born, it was a really happy time for her, maybe the happiest time in her life. 2 days ago she got word about a major surgery on her spine, in 3 weeks. A battle she has had for 20 years continues. She is scared but stoic. my stepfather will have to go into care, he won’t come out again. So her whole life will be turned upside down and mine too, probably, as a knock on. I think ultimately it will be a good thing and will lead to freedom, finally from caring for others for years. I realised her Sun is on my IC and it makes me feel rock solid and secure. I am staying positive.

  9. I had a bad car accident at 28 years old and it changed how I looked at myself, my looks, my body, my dreams, my life. I would never wish to have that car accident again but the insights that I have gained from it, I’m not sure I would have found otherwise. At least not in my late 20’s. That said, it put a lot of things I wanted in life “on hold” and shortly thereafter goals were either delayed or disappeared. I often wonder what life would be like now had I just not gone to work that day.

  10. I found the absolute Love of MY Life at 26 years old. I’d never felt anything like that before or since. I knew. the first time when I spooned with him and I felt an electric charge jolt through my body and light up my heart/chest with a powerful beaming sun of Love that he was The One. Two years later he said he wanted to marry me, but in two or three years,he wasn’t ready yet. he had found a local floozy bar fly kind of girl, who’d been having an affair with his friend. she was ok with an open relationship, which he needed,to get to know himself. he really loved me he said,and he’d come back to me, he just needed some time. he didn’t call or text anymore, so I moved on. after two years of being a waiting miserable mess,sobbing heartily through many a lunch break and evening. awakening to bitterly cry some more,for two years and I said, you know what fuck him. I can’t be so sad anymore I thought one day while I was crying so hard I couldn’t drive. I told myself to just close my heart. I could no longer bear to feel my broken heart anymore, so I closed it, I didn’t want to feel my heart anymore. I have a baby daughter that I can give a convincing smile to, but I can’t give anything close to a convincing smile to anyone else. because my heart is dead. my joy is dead. he died of a brain aneurysm two years ago.

  11. I should add that my life is good now, I have a baby and a decent man, a home,job and car. but my heart, I try to open it, but it’s locked.it’s like once I made that push to close it and shutdown, its never been the same. I believe we would be together if he was alive, but that doesn’t stop the pain. it’s never-ending. truly.I was devastated and never truly recovered. I go through the motions fine, but that’s all it is, life is meaningless without him. it’s like walking in a black and white world, only able to taste ash. I know what to say and how to act, but I’m really just running down the clock. I’m a Scorpio so please forgive the gloom.

    • Katherine I could really relate to your story. When you lose a soul mate it is devastating. But when you do some inner healing and release the anger bitterness pain then you will be free. True love does not die. It lives inside of us! I felt I would die and now I am free. I wish you the best in life…

      p.s. His Sun conjunct my Moon and north Node, He was my destiny… till he wasnt. PLuto crossing over killed that possibility. (for this lifetime…)

      • Thanks Raven! I should have pointed out that I do feel him with me and that I believe true love never dies also. Each day it gets a little better and a little easier. I try like all get out to be positive,upbeat, grateful because I believe my thinking and mindset can have a lot to do with my life experience.

        • I also relate. I believe this stuff spans lifetimes. If you think of it that way, there’s still hope. So try to make the best of everything and feel him in your heart and soul. It’s not crazy to talk to a person who has died. We’re connected in this life and beyond. Another thing. . . I hope you haven’t settled for this oppressed feeling. Maybe ask yourself what kind of things you can do to get the good feelings back in your heart. You could be resisting change.

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