I’m in a relationship mess. I moved to a new country about 8 months ago, for work. I love the work I do, it’s amazing experience, and the country is great, although it’s developing and it shows (electricity problems, bad roads, etc.). The problem is that this is not where I’m going to find the man I will be with; at least I’ve pretty much set my mind on it, I guess.
First, I think the men here are so unattractive, I mean really. I find it hard to find any that I think are even a bit cute! So that has made it difficult to find anyone to even flirt with a little to take my mind off of… well that will come, and therefore to start a new relationship with someone I would actually have a future with.
The big whamo problem is that I’m in love with a married man who is also my boss. He’s not that much older than me, about 8 years, he’s been married for only one year (although with this woman for about 10), doesn’t have any kids, and his wife lives in a different country, and since I’ve lived here has only visited once (although they see each other when he’s traveling).
I had already known him for about two months before he told me he was married, that definitely didn’t help. Since then I’ve been torn and angry and sad and frustrated and all sorts of emotions. I’ve tried to deny to myself that I had fallen in love with him. I know we should end this, I really do, I’m a smart girl and I know this is stupid. But I’m in love with him and I’m closer to him than anyone else and this entire country making breaking up harder since I won’t have the support of friends like I would back home.
When I need a hug for support, the only one who can comfort me is him. So the fact that I see him almost every day is what makes it even harder… he’s there, so if we break up (and we’ve tried and are currently trying but it never seems to work), we still see each other, we’re still around each other, we still want to spend time with each other and do other things to each other.
How can I resurrect my love life without sacrificing my professional life?
I don’t think you can. When you sleep with your married boss, you pretty much kill your opportunities at work right there. Even if you wind up married to the guy (and this will never happen), you will still be the talk of office, shunned and so forth. In other words, if you play you lose. You’ve played so all you can do at this point is cut your losses, which look to be significant.
Now you may love this guy but he definitely does not love you. He is using you. He initiated the affair with a lie and is exploiting your need for a “hug” and a father figure to get what he wants: sex.
Meanwhile you seem to be completely oblivious around what is moral… and arrogant beyond belief to call an entire country of people “unattractive”. It’s mind-boggling actually. What is unattractive is your boss’s lack of integrity. What is unattractive is your mindless justification of your behavior and the idea you would ask me how to come out of this situation on top, as if you deserve that.
Now you may think I am being mean but I’ll tell you something. As long as you remain this shallow, you’re going to be ripe for the picking for men like your boss who wish to manipulate and control you. Considering the hard aspects from Saturn and Pluto in your chart, if you want to progress, you are simply going to have to look at your own face in the mirror and ask yourself, “Just what am I doing here?” And then take steps to make things right and get your power back.
Beyond that, I would say you are 25 years old and you can come out of this okay. But only by paying the price and learning your lesson big time.
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