Single? Where Do You Go To Meet A Potential Partner in 2020?

the disillusioned medea paulus borI wrote this in 2011 – 100 Dates – All Leading Nowhere.

I don’t really hear about dating sites anymore, outside of the fact that people are utterly disillusioned with them.  I have some questions.

  • Do you still use dating sites? If so, what site(s) do you use.
  • Do you meet people on Facebook? Put you picture(s) and Instagram and hope to be seen?
  • What about meeting via your intellect or your interests?  Like on a forum or Reddit.
  • Do you conduct your search offline, going to concerts and other events where you might meet someone?
  • Do you meet potential partners at work?
  • Do you rely on friends or family to set you up?

Please let us know and if you can mention your Venus and Mars signs, that would be great!

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Single? Where Do You Go To Meet A Potential Partner in 2020? — 27 Comments

  1. I have 7th house Venus in Cap sextile Scorpio Mars, also opposing ascendant.

    I carefully search but women tend to just pop up. I prefer something slow, proper yet unique, romantic. I can fall hard but due to my awareness of this I take it slow due to the types I can attract which are either innocent women or bizarre as hell.

    I’ve tried POF in the past but no good. I want a traveled, educated woman. No degree necessary but smart. I stopped looking and have decided since 2015 to be single. Since then I’ve been slowing grinding in school, standup and making great friendships along the way.

    • Funny – I’m not single, but if I were, this is exactly what I’d say, and I have the same exact Mars/Venus placements.

  2. * I don’t want to use dating sites. I am not looking for someone to “date.” I don’t “have a good time hanging out with a (strange) man.” I don’t want to meet men in the context of “will I let this one fuck me,” because I am the pickiest person on the planet and it’s extremely terrifying to put myself out there, say no to everyone and then well, you know how some men get when rejected. Not worth it.
    * I avoid social media because it’s dangerous.
    * I would MUCH rather meet people via my interests, online or IRL, but somehow I am never attracted to anyone I meet. Which is on me and is my fault, really. I have girly interests most of the time and that’s also my fault, but even the more gender-equal ones, somehow nobody’s ever into me and/or I’m not into them.
    * I wouldn’t date someone at work, bad idea!
    * Nobody I know knows anyone dateable and there is nobody to “set me up” with. Also, see “too picky” above.

    Anyway. I’ve always known it’s not going to happen and nobody in this wide world is ever going to match with me. It’s just how it is and thankfully, I stopped caring years ago. I no longer want to try to look any more for what doesn’t exist and can’t be found. It’s tiring and I can think of a billion more fun things to do than date strange men, which is not even a tiny bit fun or not awful. The possible prize isn’t worth digging through tons of poop indefinitely. Not everyone is meant to have love in their life and that’s just how it is.

  3. I go on and off with it, but I do use online dating and have done so for a long time. It can be frustrating but it’s always worked best for me overall. I recently got a paid Tinder account which has been a much better experience than the default account since I can see everyone who likes me in advance. I can easily get overloaded with matches and conversations, but finding something that substantially works in the real world is hard. But I do try.

    I like to go out into the world, but hitting on strangers in that context is just not something that I’m comfortable with. I’m bi, and with other men of course you can’t always tell if it’s a good idea, and with women there is an overwhelming cultural message that men approaching women in public is creepy. I know it’s not universally true, but I’m not willing to be the creep who bothers a woman when she just wants to enjoy the show or the group hike or whatever else. Conversation in meetups tends to be light and surface-level and usually the attendees aren’t even single or anywhere near my age group. I did recently join a group for vegetarian/vegan singles, I hope they put on an event soon because that describes me and I think that could be interesting.

    I really wish friends and family would try to set me up with people, haha.

    Overall I’m willing to approach, but I would rather be approached first. I have Venus and Mars in Leo, conjunct. I will put effort in, but my ego is too strong to want to chase after someone who doesn’t seem totally interested. I actually attribute my bisexuality to that conjunction, I don’t know if that’s a connection others have ever noticed (not saying it’s always the case, don’t get it twisted!).

  4. Do you still use dating sites? If so, what site(s) do you use.
    This January I finally started doing that. Parship and Happn.I fled Tinder and Fifty Plus Dating because of the high level of sex-addicts there.
    Do you meet people on Facebook? Put you picture(s) and Instagram and hope to be seen?
    On Facebook I get requests from guys who already have girlfriends. Not on Instagram.
    What about meeting via your intellect or your interests? Like on a forum or Reddit. Not on Reddit. One time I started talking via an astrology website but the guy turned weird and started scaring me.
    Do you conduct your search offline, going to concerts and other events where you might meet someone?
    Yes. Guys stare at me but never approach me.Apart from the occasional drunken lush.
    Do you meet potential partners at work?
    One time in 9 years.
    Do you rely on friends or family to set you up?
    Nobody sets their friends up with an astrologer/vegan/fibromyalgia patient who suffered from depression for 6 years.

  5. I got catfished on Happn.

    And the one date I got from meeting a guy in a bar he became so forceful I fled the scene.

  6. I have had short-term (7H Uranus and 7H Pluto) dating successes on and I like reading a completed member’s profile before responding; lots of pertinent information can be gleaned. There has to be an intellectual and social connection. I have an 8H Libra Sun (committed partnering); Aquarius ASC (relationship breathing space is a must!); 7H Virgo Venus (intellectual and practical love); 4H Gemini Mars (let’s go and do! Now!!).

  7. Venus conj Vesta conj Mercury Taurus 3rd house
    Mars conjunct DSC (7thH)exact in Leo square Uranus.
    I attract instantly abusers, men with power, older men I try to avoid and I am surrounded by friends and acquaintances who are sort of waiting in line…
    No internet. No need for it in love department. Constantly in red hot tumultous relationship from 20 years with very strong willed Leo. 2 little kids no wedding (that URANUS trait..)

  8. Mars in 11 H virgo and Venus 3 H Sagittarius here.
    I’m married but if I were single I would probably only date Aquarian guys as they’re the only ones I get on with (read: will put up with me)! I would aim to meet someone in real time. I would worry that if I met someone on the internet they’d be worse than how they present themselves in their profile. When I meet a guy I can’t stand the veil of ‘nice behaviour’. I want to see the truth right from the start, warts and all (I don’t mind metaphorical warts if I can have my freedom and be friends with whom ever I chose while in a relationship – nothing sexual though).

  9. I’m out of the dating game, but here are some suggestions (beware of the stereotyping):

    Work – that’s how we met. I figured I’d let my employer do the background checks, drug testing and selection of people whom I know I at least have something in common with – work, it worked.

    Supermarket on a Friday night – don’t forget to check what’s in the basket. Alcohol (party animal), vegetables (health nut), shopping list (very controlled), tampons (if male, he has a significant woman at home) etc….

    The gym on a Friday night – newly single.

    Long haul flights – get talking to your neighbor while knitting, it’s weirdly a man magnet … talking from experience.

    Join a social club – maybe something obscure like the Astronomy Association ….. and be awesome at events with an astrological take on everything astronomy.

    Get a dog – dog parks….

  10. 1. Dating sites?
    Only tried one–eHarmony, several years ago. A few guys were interested in my profile but moved on when I didn’t post a picture. Men are VISUAL, d’oh!
    2. Facebook, Instagram?
    Nope. Never occurred to me. I used to have a MySpace page and got a lot of guys hitting on me, but shut it down after some guy made a booty call.
    3. Meeting on forums or Reddit using my intellect or interests?
    No man has ever shown attraction to me on a forum. Here or anywhere else. Toastmasters? Nope. Every guy is either married or too young for me.
    4. Offline?
    I only attract creepers. Shiny Taurus was the one exception. Chiron in 5th house, need I say more?
    5. At work?
    They’re all married.
    6. Being set up by family or friends?
    Happened twice, never again. Either they put me in the friend zone or they tried to get in my pants as quick as possible (one of them turned out to be a felon hiding out in plain sight). As for finding someone at church, most of the single guys there had zero interest in me (makes it hard to look at someone romantically when you’re all brothers and sisters in the Lord!)

    Mars in Cancer, 7th house–square Pluto, trine Moon
    Venus in Virgo, 9th house–square Neptune, trine Moon and Chiron

  11. Between 2017 and 2018 I dated a lot. Like… A LOT of men. 2 every month or so. I needed to do it, I was in need of the experience after several long term relationships that started from ordinary dating sites.

    Then last summer I met a guy on Tinder, we matched and went on a 10 hour long date. Talked and held hands. Long story short, I ended up dating him for 7 months, which broke in February.

    All the while I was talking/chatting/tweeting to this guy on Twitter. He is clever, quirky, fun, nerdy… Like I like them. We had great conversations and connection. We still have. I met with him once, this April, but I wasn’t ready that early. Now, however, I think I might be. A lot of releasing this April. I told him that I was not ready for things to escalate between us then, but I would perhaps feel better in the future.

    That’s where I am right now. I have met 2 guys on Twitter now. Good people. Nice guys. Decent guys. You can not guarantee anything on a social media, but you have the chance to observe how people act over time, if they are consistent. That is a plus.

  12. My Venus is in Aquarius in the 8th house my Mars in Taurus in the 11th house
    Date site for about 10 hrs. Unbelievable comments gave it 2 year break tried again for about a week again , Craaaazy comments
    Hopped out however let 1 dude have
    Email was on sister island seemed safe on occasion he would shoot
    Pictures and emails
    Said he was strong swimmer
    Into native women who were
    Not this that and the other thing
    Kept inviting me to see his sailboat he was building
    He intended to circumnavigate the
    World. I visited OMG
    Dude could barely walk had a 200 pound dog I swear he lived in his truck tried to deliberately make
    Me miss small plane that I had arranged I lied said it was coming 3hrs earlier OMG
    So not a way for me?Bluk
    My work has crazy hours
    My current heartbeat happened
    Because of a coffee shop
    Me starting my day him between his
    Nite job and morning work
    It’s casual waiting for Santa to fill my socks as 2020 approaches
    This summer need to make beacoup

  13. Venus in Capricorn (5th) sextile Mars in Scorpio (3rd)
    I am single and not actively dating, (single mother of two, ages 6 & 9) but hoping to get to that point sometime soon. I have never actually “dated” in the sense of going out with a stranger with the intention of getting to know them and forming a potential relationship… if I do go out with someone, it’s because we’ve met in some social setting and I’ve decided I like them and would like to spend time with them again.
    I’ve never dated from an App. I created a profile on Hinge and it didn’t last more than 16 hours.
    I’m 31 years old and would love to get out there. You might think that with Mars in my 3rd house I’d be making quick mental exchanges left and right online, or chatting/juggling multiple connections at once, but that’s never really been my style. Must be the Scorpio…
    I’m one of those who could see relationships developing in the workplace, it has happened once in the past. I meet many new people at work daily, too, and do get hit on or at least complemented often in that setting.
    I post selfies and such on Instagram occasionally, but don’t use Facebook much.
    Anyone who’s pursued me or shown interest in the past 2 1/2 years has been politely denied. Scorpio & Capricorn don’t bullsh*t and my heart just has not been in it. Mostly because I’ve had an attachment to someone who is unavailable emotionally (yes he’s an artist) did I mention my Venus is conjunct Neptune..? Sigh. Working on letting this go for good. It’s been a process.

  14. Ha! Ha! Ha! I have never, ever used a dating site or whatever. If I sit in a dark corner and not say a word, some man would seek me out. Or THAT man every other woman wanted. I wasn’t even ‘looking’. This is exactly what happened at a party in our London flat way back when. Venus and Mars conjunct Capricorn 7th house!

  15. – In the past I used OKCupid mainly. Totally disillusioned indeed, it’s full of weirdos and players. I quit after a year’s effort. Three of my best friends have used Tinder, Happn and some other apps, for years, with the same results as me.
    – I don’t have Facebook or Instagram, as I don’t feel inclined to and not enough free time.
    – I’ve never met anyone on a forum I’ve been a very active member of for over a decade.
    – I love going out, to events, concerts, exhibitions, gatherings, and I do so regularly. It never happened there either.
    – I would have no objections to meet someone through work, but it never happened there either.
    – I would love to meet someone through friends/family, but it never happened there either.

    I believe it’s a matter of pure dumb luck. Of course we need to put in some effort, look good, be pleasant etc. But actually meeting a compatible person is pure luck. I’ve got both Venus and Mars in Taurus. All previous relationships I had (lasting between 3 and 5 years each), I met them at bars when I was out with friends.

    They say that if you stop looking someone will turn up, but I found this to be totally untrue in my case. I did stop looking at points, for more than a year at a time – zero happened. Now I’ve stopped looking altogether as it’s obvious this is not on the cards for me.

  16. Hiya,

    Although I’m happily married (with challenges and hiccups, of course) I’d like to chip in the conversation as it’s so important.

    Regarding the 100 Dates post referred to at the top of this post, I agree with Del’s comment “They’ll show their true colors by the third date. By this time, if they haven’t drunk-texted a booty call, canceled a date at the last minute or been caught in a lie, they’re generally ok to proceed.”

    Except with people with huge shame issues (where they hide their real self with a different personality), those who are feeling they won’t be accepted as good enough (so they hide key information till months into the relationship like it’s happened to a friend), those who are pathological liars (shame-based, narcissistic issues, etc.) or those who are sociopathic (they want something out of you, they have their own agendas on how to use the other)…in general the above point by Del is spot on. So if they are consistently showing up and being okay, it’s a good sign.

    Del in the 100 Dates post also mentions the version for online dating of The Rules book, and I also agree that it’s super helpful. I have all The Rules books, and I found particularly helpful the books The Rules for Online Dating and the book The New Rules for Dating for the DigitalGeneration (social media, for example.)

    The books really help with creating effective and honest profiles; distinguishing what a wink is and what an email is if compared to a bar situation; spotting timewasters/people who are happy to simply email and email forever and have a phantasy relationship without never meeting you; spotting people who simply use templates to write to people and only change the name they adress these templates too; spotting men who are angry with women via the vibes in their emails/messages and the intrusiveness of some questions/confronting comments; spotting those who are shady/could be married…

    Anyhoo, I met my husband on 6 years ago so I am a supporter of online dating, especially as one gets older as opportunities to meet lots of new people dwindle in one’s 30s and 40s as lots of people settle down/work longer hours, etc.

    I think it helps to know the problems around dating/relationships that the chart points to as well as knowing one’s attachment style (secure; insecure anxious/ambivalent; insecure avoidant; disorganised) as these point to potential challenges during online dating and meeting others.

    I have neptune squaring my sun in pisces and neptune opposite my moon so attracting elusive partners, drinkers, liars or cheaters, and spaced-out men happened a bit too often if I wasn’t paying a lot of attention (I encountered the negative neptune/pisces traits of the astrology.)

    So after many years of heartache in the end I kept a dating journal where I’d write what the men told me in the first dates (key info is shared super early if one pays attention to words and actions and body language) and how I felt in their company so that I could read my notes once I felt centred and objective (saturn trine sun.)

    I would google a bit the names of the men I was thinking of meeting to do a bit of safety research, and I would date in the next town or neighbourhood to my home, not 100% locally, to keep myself safe and address-private till I knew the person more.

    I’ll answer the questions as I would if I was looking to date or partner. When I met my husband I was dating to partner, not to have casual fun (done that, been there) and Saturn in Libra really helped me make the shift to wanting to partner seriously – it took a few attempts and false starts.

    * Do you still use dating sites? If so, what site(s) do you use.

    In the UK and Eharmony I found to be good in terms of nice men in there. Some single friends use Tinder which in general doesn’t seem to point to long-term options (with some exceptions though when some do partner.)

    * Do you meet people on Facebook? Put you picture(s) and Instagram and hope to be seen?

    I’m not on facebook or instagram – find them too overstimulating for my introverted nature plus I don’t like the ‘Selfie’ or ‘fear of missing out’ vibes of some social media which I found, personally, not healthy 7+ years ago.

    Having two profiles online (match and eharmony) worked better for me and I dated once per week on average. Some weeks when I dated two or three times I spent more time at home recuperating from such extroverted action…so once per week was helpful.

    * What about meeting via your intellect or your interests? Tried that. My interests are more solitary so not much luck there.

    * Do you conduct your search offline, going to concerts and other events where you might meet someone?

    Yes, living the life one likes is helpful in terms of happiness or contentment or feeling alive, and there are chances of meeting people there. It didn’t work for me though as I got into my 30s.

    I have Venus in aquarius and Uranus rising so I always felt online worked for me when my friends’ friends stopped working for me (another 11th house-aquarius theme.)

    * Do you meet potential partners at work? I only met flirtatious interests when I was younger. Yet I didn’t like mixing business and pleasure (scorpio rising, mars in 8th, moon in 8th – intense) as I found it distracting, very distracting with regards to my performance and ease at work. So I never went further from platonic.

    * Do you rely on friends or family to set you up?
    The few times it happened it wasn’t the right fit or I wasn’t mature enough to appreciate the choices in front of me.

    • Forgot to say. Mars in Gemini trining my Venus in Aquarius so I did find it easy to find people to date although that reduces in numbers as one gets older.

      I have Venus inconjunct Saturn so I did feel that I had to work hard at dating to find love and take the search seriously so even when I was discouraged I kept going after short breaks of not dating. It worked.

      Letting love appear didn’t work that well for me (the typical men who I always attracted would appear.) I met better and more suitable men when I was working (saturn) at my love life (venus), lol.

      • Thank you CrisLondon! Both your posts are so well written and spot on. I loved the practical tips and the points about narcissistic/sociopathic exceptions.

        • Glad that you find bits in my comments helpful.

          Another practical tip: I had the same outfit for first and second dates so I could keep things simple for me. As dating became a part-time job I simplified things big time.

          No one knew I had the same dress/look for all first dates – ah!!

  17. I’m with Jennifer. I live with my ex and it’s just how things are right now and not looking for anyone. When I had separated from him and moved out, I had a time slip with someone I met or he emailed me accidentally from a Yahoo Group I had joined and things got out of control. I met him and thought I had fallen in love, but I must have been caught up in his Neptune/5th house. Anyway after that whole snafu, I decided to never go on line for social media sites at all, and never a dating site, though my roommate urged me to try Okay Cupid once. I did but I got so creeped out I got off it the next day. I’m happy alone, though I am not entirely alone.

  18. In 2005 I was with somebody, then 2007 someone else came along. Not only I broke up with my ex, I also broke a cycle.. This cycle”s end would be in 2020.
    Funny to think off …

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