Should You Use Astrology To Screen People You Date?

My sister and I have studied astrology since we were kids. She told me that she hated people with Saturn in Sagittarius. I looked at her and laughed.  “Could it be because you’re a Pisces with a Sagittarius Moon?”

She raised her eyebrow because this had not occurred to her. Classic Pisces oblivion.

See, people who have Saturn in Sagittarius are going to hit my sister’s chart HARD. Not to mention, her Sun and Moon are part of a Grand Cross.

Who needs it?  She has a Grand Cross in her chart. She has enough trouble!

I am in similar circumstance. People with Saturn in a certain sign jack up both my Sun and Moon so think about this…

Say I’m going to get on a dating site. And say I know that everyone born in 19** has Saturn slamming my Sun and Moon. Should I pass those profiles up? I think so!

What’s the point? To find a partner, right?

Do I want a partner who constantly tells me I suck? Probably not! And this is how it is when someone’s Saturn is leaning on your Sun. You try to shine (Sun) and they tamp you down out of fear (Saturn).

So what about the Moon? Well, that’s even worse. I say I feel bad and what’s Saturn say? “Grow up, you baby!” Greeeaaaaaat! That’ll help my low mood!

Saturn moves slow. If you want to filter like this, well for my purposes, I am only going to date in about a ten-year age range anyway. Saturn has a twenty-eight year cycle so that means I am only going to box out the people born during one particular year.

Astrology aside, if you’re smart, you filter people anyway. Life is too short to spend it around people who make you feel lousy, don’t you think?

Of course if you are a masochist then you should reverse all this!

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Should You Use Astrology To Screen People You Date? — 70 Comments

  1. How do you figure out who’s signs are incompatible with yours to begin with?

    Do you think there are any exceptions to this at all?

  2. Cool explanation. So, anyone whose Saturn aspects your personal planets should be avoided? Even the “good” aspects such as sextiles or trines? Also, what about people whose Saturn falls on your 5th, 7th or 11th house?

  3. This is very, very interesting, both in terms of filtering out and filtering ~in~. All my life, I have unconsciously filled my life with people born in a certain year range. Over and over, I have attracted and been attracted to these people. Most of the ‘exceptionally good’ people in my life are in that age bracket. I’m gonna have a closer look at the astrology of that. I’m also gonna see if I can pinpoint my ‘baddies’ — what ~they~ have in common, using your leads as clues. Thank you.

  4. I have to pipe in and say I agree filtering is a smart idea, but I think it’s more complicated than just cutting out certain years to avoid bad aspects. Example:

    Natally, I’ve got Saturn square sun so this energy is going to be with me always. And over the years, I’ve learned on my own how to get what’s good out of the square and not to put up with the crap that comes with it. I’ve had serious relationships with people my age (so their Saturn also squares my sun) and have I let any of them put me down or tell me I suck? No way. And hey, if they want to tell me to grow up, that’s what I want. With a natal Saturn square sun, I don’t want a shoulder to cry on when my chips are down, I don’t want to be coddled. I want those around me to be tough and tell me to step up to the plate because it makes me feel stronger.

    It all depends on what you want out of a relationship and what you want to give.

  5. Hahaha. I just drew up a synastry chart on astro.com for my boyfriend and I. We have Mars sq Mars and his Saturn/Moon is conjunct my Moon – He’s always telling me to “Grow Up” or “Get over it” when I feel sad. You are so right! :X

  6. I totally agree – best for me to stay away from late degrees of gemini or sag — my virgo moon don’t like it

    And yet the person in my life does have a sag saturn squaring that moon…

  7. : ))))) I love how you say this, to just “box out 1 year of people”. Gladly, I box out that same tribe as your sis.

  8. “And yet the person in my life does have a sag saturn squaring that moon…”

    Well, if you aren’t supposed to avoid then you’re not going to avoid… this is the beauty I suppose. 🙂

  9. I wonder if I’m “teaching” him to be more compassionate. Maybe he’s teaching me not to flood all the time.

    (In regards to his saturn squaring my moon pluto)

    Funny how they want the energy but they don’t want the energy. I don’t want to be squashed but I do want some boundaries.

  10. people with mid degrees of gemini/sadge set off my shit. I like how this filtering focuses on the “for me” part of this as opposed to supporting a propensity to demonize a whole segment of people when it’s just me that doesn’t relate well with them.

  11. “You try to shine (Sun) and they tamp you down out of fear (Saturn).”

    Why/what do they fear? I went through this as the Sun person and it was awful.

  12. I’m attracted/attract people born in ’79. Looking at the synastry charts:
    #1 – my saturn square his sun
    #2 – his saturn square my moon, my saturn conjunct his sun, mercury,venus
    #3- his saturn square my moon, opposite my mercury, my saturn square his venus

    I’ll have to think about how these aspects actually played out…

  13. oh ouch. Advice not taken from Elsa. Sorry, chemistry, choices and other stuff must have overrulled this one. His saturn is the same sign as my sun. My saturn is the same sign as his moon. So we do it to eachother. Ouch. No exact conjunctions but I don’t have birthtime for specifics. Most of the time it seems as if we’ve “got eachother’s back” and are basically there for eachother. And yes, we do flip roles as to who is the adult/parent. It can flip from minute to minute with us.

    Sorry Elsa, you are probably right but this one seems to have caught me good.It’s had it’s difficult moments, days, weeks, but boy have we both grown and have a wonderful time as friends and playmates now.

  14. mud – there is no need to apologize. If you are meant to be with someone, nothing is going to stop it. I am talking about date selection on match.com here.

    I am also talking about 2 Capricorn types (my sister and I) who are already burdened. For all I know, you could use a burden. 🙂

  15. I seem to have had lots of relationships with guys born in ’75. My daughters dad is 4/21/75, my husband is 3/21/75, and one of my best friends is 2/1/75.

    I also used to really but heads with Aries women, not so much anymore. My Saturn is in Aries opposing my Mars in Libra.

  16. but my little leo kiddo _is_ a sunny child, and why should i expect him to be anything else?

    my saturn’s 5 degrees away from his sun…

    oh, yeah, and he’s a moon/saturn cancer kiddo. can’t imagine where that comes from… (*sarcasm*)

    *sigh* i just try to be good saturn. it’s tricky. particularly since i don’t get along with saturn well, considering his starring role in my own natal t square… this past year has been quite a lesson in the need to do saturn correctly.

    • @donederin, I hear ya! Saturn opposed my moon and square my sun!

      While not dating, this does explain some of my dynamic with my mom. I’m the Saturn on her Cancer Sun. She’s said for years it always seems like I’m the mom. But since she’s an alcoholic, I’ve felt like I had to be the parent since I was about 15.

      So I’m wondering, if you’re already kind of incompatible with the Saturn in your own chart, what then do you look for?

  17. My almost seven year old step son has Saturn conjunct his and my Gemini sun which triggers all the difficult things in my chart. My son is only six months older but the other aspects in his chart soften the effect of that Saturn.

    I know we’re talking about dating here but some of this kid stuff is tough! I think it has helped me knowing that there’s an explanation for why the child is so challenging for me.

  18. I think some of us are just going to end up doing it, even though we know we should avoid it. I think my psyche is attracted to those with karmic ties, or difficult Saturn (I’ve gone on about my Saturn/sun synastry ex before) or both, and I just plain won’t even notice guys who do not set me off in difficult places, apparently. I had one ex where Saturn wasn’t a factor (he was a Saturn in Virgo and I have no Virgo) and while that was my longest lasting relationship and there were other factors for the attraction in the first place, I pretty much got over it in an hour after he dumped me 😛

    I shouldn’t date guys my own age (Saturn in Leo) OR guys 8 years older (Saturn in Taurus), but that is what sets me off. I could probably avoid Saturn in Sadge folks but they’re too old for me to date anyway.

    For everyone else, here’s a list of Saturn placings that you might find useful:

  19. Elsa – funny but somehow I don’t think I need a burden 😉 There are other things that really make it all worthwhile and those things might just be more important – like he helps me play! and relax!

  20. Now that’s interesting. The last two guys I’ve dated have had Saturns that sit on my moon and mars. But I’ve actually enjoyed the containing effect it has on me, difficult though it has been to absorb at first. I have 4 planets in the fifth house, plus a Leo Rising, and having these men sit on my exuberance a little is causing me to manifest it more responsibly.

    I kicked the first one for lack of morals, but the current one seems pretty solid (5 planet stellium in Taurus!). I find I can channel the energy into artistic pursuits more easily now, while having Saturn give my moon and mars structure has peeled away a lot of my indecision by letting me know it’s okay to take my time before I leap.

  21. I love people born in 1963. Especially Geminis born in 1963. Two of my happiest relationships were very close in birthdays, so their Gemini conjoined my ascendant and mercury, and their venus conjoined my venus and sun. And their leo my uranus in leo, so it felt electric, and fated and fascinating…

  22. Generally a lurker here but just wanted to say that I’m more than loving your posts Elsa. Libra sun, Sage rising (and intercepted Cap) here. You just keep putting the finger on spots that need closer attention. 🙂

  23. I always loved this post. I already have Saturn squaring my Sun natally, so I can date people my own age without noticing. I’m already telling myself I suck so how can I hear them? 😉 But my Saturn squares my ex’s moon and I don’t think he liked that at all.

  24. Wow, I was just saying the same thing on the boards. I realize I may need to eliminate virgo saturn. My mom has saturn in virgo. No wonder. Sagitaruis Saturn for sure. Infact I have a friend with saturn in virgo and the square does not feel as bad as the conjunction. But I will still stay clear of them. I am old enough to realize I dont need my moon under all that stress. My sun either as both these have been ruffed up by pluto.

  25. And here’s another way it can work:
    My Moon sits on his Saturn
    – I understand his burdens
    – he grounds my emotions, makes me feel safe and secure

    My Saturn trines his Saturn so it all works – and has since 1982 ❤️
    -> Question: where is sillly in a chart? Because he has tons of that! And it is just as important in why we are so happy together –

    • Thanks for this. My Saturn is on his Moon but not wide (7 degrees) I think that helps that its not exact. I do sometimes think he acts childish but it also makes me feel lighter and happier to be around him. Him as moon is very compassionate and understanding towards me and my limitations.

      Personally I do not like anyone’s Saturn Mars or Pluto hard aspect my Moon because my Moon already receives

      • A lot of stress aspects. I try to be mindful with him to not crush his Saggo moon eternal optimism with my Saturn but thankfully I’ve also got a trine from Jupiter to his moon so it balances out a little.

        I have ended up working back to back now for people whose Saturn is right on my Sun in Virgo. Its excruciating sometimes as Virgo Saturn is super critical and picks apart every little flaw and my Virgo is hypersensitive to it and gets very hurt. I hope to never experience this again.

        Reminds me of my Mom who has her Saturn right smack on my Mars…. needless to say it hasn’t been the smoothest of rides.

    • My Moon opposing his Saturn helped him recognize that he wanted me closer, while Saturn was approaching his natal Saturn. For the reasons that aspire & strawb said. Saturn transits are about (either kind, to or from) regrouping to better work toward the goals that suit the structure we want for our life… My Gemini Moon wants to hear aaalll about it, and then remembers (Moon) what was said, and then asks “How does that fit, then? Or did I miss something?”
      How aspects play out in real life also depends on each person checking themselves about just what kind of person we want to be.

    • Oops – my Saturn trines his Sun, not his Saturn. So the support is nicely mutual.

      Also, my silliness question should have been asked elsewhere – it has zero to do with Saturn, that’s for sure. Still, it’s hard to know whether the Saturn or the silliness gets the credit for our long happy time together!

  26. well i’m married, but now that i know some stuff on astrology, if i were single back then, and knowing astro, i’d just look at their faces. lol i dont know why…but astrology kind of shows on faces.

  27. Haha, this post reminds me of a friend who won’t date anyone from a certain state, in the Midwest. She thinks they’re judgmental. She doesn’t want anything to do with anyone from that state. I guess God puts certain people together, and some apart.

  28. Well, I have a colleague and a friend, her Gemini Saturn squares my Pisces Sun. And her Moon sits on my Saturn. We are very different, but I feel karmic connection to her , we have each others back at work, and get along really well.

  29. Yes, use astrology to screen dates. Also helpful in work situations. Remember that YOU may be unbearable for someone. Set your boundaries, be civil, remember that not everyone else has a conscience and your good manners may be construed as weakness. I try to visit certain relatives at times THEY are well-aspected. They are generally happier.

    I used to schedule vacation days so that I would experience my rough aspects at home. Some of you have more pressure and cannot do that, but if you can, it’s nice.

  30. It does rule out alot of people for me, like Else’s sister, I have a T square involving my Saturn opp Moon. Blah. In addition, the baby boomers with Uranus & Pluto in late degrees of Leo, hits my Leo moon, ouch.

  31. Saturn, Moon thing too parental for me. It just seems to create more misery as time plays out. The inner planets are much more playful.

  32. Well the first thing that comes to my mind is that I was born with both parents’ Saturns on my Sun: one’s was Conjunct, the other’s was Opposite. Lots of other Saturn connections too. I was raised listening to how much I suck, and was and still am the family scapegoat. (New Moon before birth was conjunct Saturn.)

    I married someone whose Saturn is square my Mars/Venus/node conjunction so yeah, I took that childhood stuff right into a marriage. No wonder I’ve never remarried in 30 years. Heard enough bull—- to last a lifetime.

    The first thing I look for when I meet a new friend, or potential romantic interest is how our Saturns and Moons interact. Unfortunately I still pull them in like magnets, but I handle them far more effectively than I used to.

  33. So I put together an Excel spreadsheet (lol, I have Capricorn) ephemeris on birth years of others Saturn (& Uranus, Pluto) impacting my chart (Saturn Moon Tsquare). Found that I should avoid lover’s born between 1954-1961.
    Oh my, theyre all my peers! Go for someone younger than me is something I don’t normally do. I’m born in 1963. Very insightful exercise 🙂

  34. I feel your pain. I discovered that most of the kids in my high school class have Saturn square my Moon (within 0-3 degrees) so no way am I going to be able to have a relationship with someone my exact age. And crazily enough, there are AT LEAST 20 couples from my high school class who got married young and are STILL married. Go figure.

    • Wow, your poor moon starcrest. I figure you have worked out which years Saturn does not squish your moon? As for all those married couples…they can’t be happy tho.

  35. My second husband’s Saturn was on my Sun. We were together for about 10 years, and I enjoyed the relationship for about 7. That was enough of feeling quashed! Then I needed my freedom, as someone (me) with Moon in Sag. and Venus in Gemini would! I’d learned a lot from him, but it was time to go out on my own. He was a sweet Pisces Sun. My first husband had Uranus conjunct my Sun, and Saturn square my Venus. As well as Chiron/Mercury conjunct my Venus. He was constantly trying to manipulate and “gaslight” me. I lasted 2 and a half years with him, but it seemed like we were together for 20–he left me with debt and lasting scars.

  36. This makes a lot of sense! My stepdaughter and I have a number of planets in common, including her venus on my sun, mercurys conjunct, mars in leo, etc. but my saturn squares her sun/moon opposition, and somehow I do feel less attractive around her. Her sister’s saturn conjoins my saturn, and I think she feels the same way although she’s young and beautiful. In fact, both sisters’ saturns square their respective lights, and they seem to distrust each other.

  37. Last transit of Saturn conjunct my Sun I got a tooth extracted. So I wouldn’t want a Saturn conjunct my Sun. But this interaspect seems to be very popular among couples. I wonder why?

  38. My husbands Saturn is on my moon. I tell him how I feel. He totally disregards it. Then I shove it up his ass. He hears me the second time because I am not doing one thing until he actually hears it, and takes action.

    I told him for 3 years I could no longer do my work. He blew it off. He ate the building…. that’s how that works.

    How we have been together for so many years is beyond me.

  39. I am overwhelmed by all the Mars-Venus combinations in masculine signs of my closest family. My chart on the other hand is mostly feminine and my only two masculine placements are in the 6th/12th house axis.
    I haven’t had relationships so I looked for the synastry with my family but didn’t find Saturn plays an important role. It seems harsh aspects to my Jupiter or Sun are involved.

  40. My sun and moon are in signs next to each other.. what challenges (squares) my sun, supports (trines) my moon. I guess look for someone that doesn’t touch either might be an easier solution..

  41. I tend to find guys who are all at my age. That is one heck of a buster… They all have that Saturn-Pluto conjunction in their chart SOMEWHERE, if they are born in 1982 like me.
    That means, they can be a real buzzkill for my 8th house. And probably make me tick also, as Saturn rules my 12th house with Cap.

    I have tried 2 times to have a BF 6 years older than me. Their Saturn then squared my Sun-Venus-Jupiter conjunction. That bluidy hurt, because this stellium is opposite my Chiron, so they activate each other. On the other side, a BF with Taurus planets hit my Chiron as well.
    It’s not easy.

    I have had great experience with Sag people (at least they don’t touch my chart!) and Geminis, and Gemini is my cryptonite because it’s the 5th house and I am always carried away, and a quadrable Scorpio + 8th house type doesn’t like to loose their cool around them! Especially as Geminis can feel so fickle for deep and penetrating Scorpios… No, Sag is much better. Sag is my 10th house and 11th house. That should make for some power coupling, yes?! 😉

    Sometimes I have thought “I would really like to date a [insert sign] – and then, I do tend to meet these signs! I guess it’s that Venus-Jupiter conjunction… Be careful what you wish for! 😛

  42. Absolutely. There are certain signs, years of birth, and even aspects I avoid, to save myself grief downstream. I won’t even be friends with someone with say, Venus in Aries square my Capricorn Venus, because experience has shown they will want to compete with me, my lifestyle, and even my relationships! Mars in Aries the same. Yet, some of my best friends were Sun Aries.

  43. Not a fan of Sun in Aquarius, Sun in Pisces, Mars in Aquarius, Mars in Pisces, Sun in the 11th house, Sun in the 12th house, Mars in the 11th house, Mars in the 12th house, Sun/Uranus aspects, Sun/Neptune aspects, Mars/Uranus aspects, Mars/Neptune aspects when it comes to men.

  44. Well lets put it this way if i come across his Saturn conjunct my Sun, Venus, Mercury which is in my 11th house..using Synastry chart, I am not letting them in my door..experience of a man 16 yrs older and one 12 yrs younger than myself..because my business revolves around public they get all up my wazoo. and i cant peel them off of me. though in different ways it still throws a blanket on me and my finances..and of course none of my friends like them:-)

  45. But Elsa I thought, since for ex I myself have sagg saturn opposite my moon, I’m used to that energy already, and I won’t be affected that much wheninvolved with other saturns saggs? Thats what I’ve rad about synastry before atleast.

    But with that said, I totally agree with you!
    I have moon-saturn, and I certainly don’t need some more saturn energy straining on my moon :p

  46. I wonder why I have not seen a dating site that lets you set chart/plane placements?
    Seems like a much needed service.
    It would be like… looking for mars in Libra,Venus in Aquarius……
    Could save so much time, right?

    • Perhaps such a website might be created and become popular with Uranus in Taurus. I think it would be fine to filter out specific outer planet placements. But doing the opposite could make you miss out on some unexpected matches.

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