Should You Interact With People Who Disturb You?

There are people I interact with who routinely leave me deep disturbed. I am so disturbed I would quit interacting with them if not for the fact I like or love them. I have no idea why they disturb me so profoundly. It seems illogical. I always wonder if they are equally disturbed by me.

I have no way of knowing outside of asking them which I doubt I’ll ever do. It seems I would have to confide how disturbed I am by them (at various times). Since I like them (or love them) I would not want them to feel bad about this especially when I think the problem is mine!

I think I am reacting to stimulus that is imagined in large part. It would have to be because I don’t run with people who have ill intentions against me (or anyone else for that matter). This means I am disturbed and unnerved for no good reason though the depth and power of my feelings are out of this world.

When one person is feeling disturbed due an exchange, is it likely the other party is feeling something similar?  I’ve heard this is the case. If you’re thinking of them, they are probably thinking of you. But on the other hand I disturb people all the time by writing this blog and I am oblivious.

It may be that people who have planets messin’ with your 8th house (or your 12th) bug you out but if you’ve not planets there you are very likely to have no conscious knowledge. In contrast, I have spent my life in these type pools and I am sure I am super inclined to feeling creepy.

Also want to say (for people similar to me) I think it’s possible to ameliorate the effects a person has on you but at least for me it’s slow going and small progress. This is just not something you can resolve overnight.

Ideas on this topic?

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Comments

Should You Interact With People Who Disturb You? — 37 Comments

  1. This is a good topic because I have felt this often also. I am a pretty direct person and rarely do I say things that I don’t mean….I can’t even think of when I would do that or why, but I do have a friend whom I love….we have known each other for almost 20 years…her son and my youngest son are best friends and I live next door to her, believe it or not!. She is the triple aquarius….now I know that she would do anything for me and has helped me tremendously in crisis situations, cool and collect, and we have travelled together many times. But, I feel disturbed by her often, and I think it is because I am such an open person and what you see is what you get….and she is much more reserved and I never know what she is really thinking. She is very diplomatic with her opinions from politics to baby rearing, and rarely jumps off the fence on many issues and that bothers me to a large extent. I want to call her so many times and just ask her, what the hell she really thinks and please let me in, but I know I can’t because that would really disturbed her. I think I disturb her in many ways for opposite reasons…..I am too open and I have noticed when we are in group situations that she tends to emotionally withdraw from her closeness to me (like she doesn’t want others to know that we are best friends) just in case they might think I am weird, she won’t be painted with the same brush. Because let me tell you, here in the South, I am definitely an odd bird, or rather an exotic bird ( I like that better). But it is very important to her to be “in” and so I think this is the reason I feel this disturbance. I think I just answered my own questions about this…..thank you for that, Elsa!

    p.s. My husband last night said to me that sometimes I am too confrontational and I have a hard time “letting sleeping dogs lie”.

  2. It is complicared, you are right about that — if I get what you are saying.

    See, for me, if I felt disturbed by someone, by the interaction, I wouldn’t get close enough to even like them, much less love them.

    Or maybe I don’t know what you mean by disturbed.

    One of my best friends drives me up a wall at times but I think you speak of something much more primal than simple irritation

    So I guess I don’t know exactly what you mean but I feel the intensity of it–

    Can you give a particular example? Even making one up?

  3. I don’t know if you were talking to me Moonpluto, but it is a very subtle thing that occurs. One that you can’t quite put your finger on, but you know it’s there….I will have to think of an example and get back to you….it’s that subtle….

  4. Jilly – FYI I am not talking about you. Not that you thought I was, I’m just sayin’, in case.

    Moonpluto, it will take another post (or several) to address that. As it turns out I have a lot to say on this – big surprise there!

    On that note, as a matter of interest it is actually a relief when I run into something where I can honestly say, “I’ve got nothing to say about that…”

    Whew!

  5. Oh I’m sorry for not adding a name — I was talking to Elsa, with that post. But I love talking to you too, DM, and to mister paws there
    🙂

    Interesting though, DM, that something that bugs you abt your aqua friend is their mystery?

    For me this still hinges on the meaning of “disturb” — cuz irritation I get, being bothered or bugged or annoyed, I get. But the disturbance factor or being creeped out. That’s a whole other level of……repulsion? Almost disgust? I guess there’s a continuum to all our social interactions

    This topic makes me think of oppostions in the natal chart. Fewer opps equal fewer projections is my theory.

  6. What I am talking about has nothing to do with news or a person going through something. It is energy mixing with energy and would constellate regardless of current events.

  7. My 8th house stuff has been raging lately and I’m trying to stay with it. So anything you have to write about this, I would welcome..

  8. ditto what Maureen said. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. talked to a girlfriend last night about ‘disturbing’ people…
    off to work now but look forward to hearing/reading more~

  9. Ughhh, I’m working on my communication skills this lifetime! What I meant to imply is that there may be something in the life, lifestyle, physical presence, etc. of another than leaves us ‘disturbed’ and our subconscious works on solving or aligning the dissonance…I felt like that when I met my latest Gem friend. The differences between us disturbed me greatly until I was able to rectify them in my mind/soul, and that happened on getting better acquainted. The dissonance didn’t go away, per se, it’s still there, I just now understand they have a different reality than I do.

  10. Elsa:
    This is a fascinating topic. Rarely am I lukewarm about someone, and a lot of people affect me this way. I’ve sun/venus/merc/neptune in Scorpio, so I guess it’s a given I effect people this way, too. A lot of stuff is crammed into my 8th house, but I’d have to go check my chart to see what it all is.

    When I get this feeling (ambivalence – to be attracted and repelled by something at the same time) I try to look inside myself, with great objectivity, to see what the other is causing me to feel – maybe I’ve issues I’m not dealing with (could be anything, financial insecurity, arrogance, whatever). THis seems to help me, to look at the person as if they were holding up a mirror.

  11. The way I relate to what Elsa is saying (I think) is that there are people in our lives who we simply have to interact with. Relatives, in-laws or people so ingrained in your life that even while they’re not blood, they’re “family”. And you really want to get along because it simply makes life easier and much more pleasant. When two families come together through marriage, for example, well, it’s more likely than not that the relating patterns will not be the same, so a lot of adjusting has to happen. Sometimes it works out well, other times its “a process” — LOL! You wonder, does his aunt like me, or is she just being nice because she has to? You feel like she’s judging you about “something”, but have no clue…. You could come out and ask but on the other hand, by asking maybe you’re being presumptuous, and on and on and on. I really don’t have an answer here, but I think you just have to go with the flow and hope, as you say, the effects can be ameliorated. Time and patience does work wonders. Oh, and being genuinely nice and generous and treating them as you would want to be treated!

    And I do think this is definitely house-related, too. The same can go the other way. You like someone SOOO much, how could they not feel the same way? But quite often they don’t. And sure enough their planets fall in your fun/relating houses, but your’s are not….

    Ha ha, I’ve read the comments posted since I started writing mine, and I feel like my response is a little “basic”! But it’s just my 2 cents….

  12. Nice PinkMinxx. And not basic at all.

    I’ve seen this happen in fams. It may be as simple as you look like or remind them somehow of their Great Uncle Whozit whom they hated & detested because he abused them as a child!

    Interested to hear more of Elsa’s thoughts on what she was describing.

  13. Methinks it’s all about others tripping off our own shadow material (projections), which then becomes an opportunity for us to shine a light on it and process it out, so in the future such energy won’t disturb us.

    Energetically we may sense a loss of grounding, a feeling that our place in time is askew, that our coordinates are not right. These unsettling vibes can create fear–so we feel uncomfortable.

    One small match of awareness can enlighten a dark room.

  14. I can’t answer this stuff very readily because like I said, for me it is complicated. This much I can offer with clarity though:

    The cases I had in mind when I wrote this are not people I have to interact with, they are people I want to interact with. That doesn’t Pink is wrong, she is just talking about another scenario.

    In whatever case I have to mull this because it is SO HARD to write “clarity” on something like this because there are so many angles and depths.

    This is what happens when Jupiter mashes with the 8th house. Things that are super-concentrated go LARGE whether you like it or not.

    I could never be a poet you know. Not unless you call 11,000 pages a poem. ;-):-P

  15. Funny you should say that moonpluto – for me it was – I am a happily married lady – but this Gem fellow attracted me and not for the normal reasons, but because something was ‘off’ and I worked my stinger off to figure out what it was about. It came off to them and others as attraction because of course as a Scorp I couldn’t leave off until I understood what was causing the picture to go wonky on my ‘set’ of antennae! We are fast friends now with the ‘ain’t going to go THERE’ sex stuff worked out. His persona & actions were vastly different than his acclaimed lifestyle and the norms of other people of that career-set that made my self go, “What the hey is this???”. I was not satisfied until I poked and prodded and decoded the entire situation. Part of it had to do with that this person was going to be an authority figure in my children’s upbringing and I had to make sure they were on the level.

  16. …and you know what? To show the fierce determination of the Scorpion personality (much like Cancer’s claws) it took almost 8 or 9 years of inching closer and closer to this person to discover why things were off kilter & disturbing. (And I am no slow study, I am off charts on my analytical skills)

    And, it may probably also be attributed to Scorpionic influence that my skills at attaining that closness came off as having a seductive quality. Of course, it is a testament to Gem’s ability to keep someone at bay as well! Hip-hopping da*n butterfly won’t stand still to be examined!! A determined Scorp will keep focusing the microscope till they figure it out if it freaking kills them! We aren’t called tenacious for nothing.

  17. Know what you mean – Moon/Neptune in Scorpio. Actually feels like something rattling or shaking inside and makes communication sometimes really weird, because most of the time they aren’t feeling it, but sometimes they register the fact that YOU are rattled, then they get rattled….it’s like you can pick up vibrations that are nothing to do with you, and your systems have to try and locate them somehow so they can be processed, perhaps that is what causes the rattling. I’m still trying to work it out after years of trying.

  18. i’m drawn to people who hit the eighth or twelfth. there’s a certain appeal to people who can shake up your underpinnings. particularly if you have a yen towards metamorphosis like i do.
    but, eh, i think one needs to choose carefully. intentions are key…

  19. Yep, the pussyfooting around each other, walls going up and coming down (not at the same time, usually), the second-guessing, the analyzing, the angst, the tension, the fear — because do you REALLY want to know how they feel??? What if it’s not good???? Hahaha 8-D

  20. My mother’s Mercury conjunct Saturn in Leo square my Mars and Jupiter in Taurus, 5th house. Her Mercury and Saturn hit the middle of my 8th house. When I lived with her as a child, her voice sounded like nails scratching at my grave – there was no peace. I would climb out onto the roof for hours and lean against the chimney for support so I could honestly say I didn’t hear her when she called for me.

  21. “is it likely the other party is feeling something similar.” Absolutely I agree here. For the longest time I felt this but doubts held me back from believing it could be true. Now I am 100% certain it is the truth and know too many reasons for doubts to remain. However, their reaction or rather response –how they respond to this is another matter entirely. And btw I do have a busy 8th.

  22. HI just came into this post,got a five year old grandson overnighting in my office here so trying to type quietly, but.. been thinking about this. I think 8th house connections with others can stir. I was once really disturbed by someone who ended up being the catalyst for my going into properly studying astrology.Her Mars was over my Saturn Neptune. I thank her eternally, but can’t say we were ever that close. It’s wierd to feel that stuff though as it can feel so powerful, but anyone who’s unsettled me so far, has taught me a lot, whether intentional or otherwise. And I know in my heart that they never would have intended to have that effect. Maybe if someone disturbs you but your instinct is that actually you would like to interact with them, chances are that odd magnetism will dissipate, leaving some new awareness that enriches you. One thing that does seem clear is that there is the possibility that you are more cared about and appreciated than you realise, by a lot of good people, which hopefully will make up for the odd situation where there is unease.. which always passes. The vibe right now feels Chiron-ic..to me anyway. Unsettled stuff for many..but loaded with new potential. Go Elsa, and thanks for all your hard work! : )

  23. Lynn, what you wrote resonates with me.

    My mother is 90 years old this August and of the five adult children, I’m the one she’s closest to (in proximity). About 15 – 20 years ago, I consciously took on our relationship so I could practice acceptance and forgiveness. I owed it to my son. It was for selfish reasons, I admit, but I just didn’t want to use any more of my precious energy to block her energy; it took a lot of effort to keep barriers around my heart.

    Today we see and talk to each other weekly. My impatience is inevitably aroused at those times but I also smile easily and give her real hugs and support. Although Mom’s eighth house influence was unconscious on her part I felt it sharply. Even so, I ultimately gained strength to grow in ways that were much needed for my wholeness. I love her for who she is, not for how she does or doesn’t affect me.

    I went through other astrology charts to see where this 8th house/12th house came into play. I found the Saturn/8th house dynamic (their Saturn on my 8th) to be my most challenging relationships and also some of the deepest connections. I’ve learned a LOT about myself through knowing these people over time.

    Great topic. I’m still looking and learning.

  24. cherie I relate to your conscious choices to work with not against the contrasts in your bond with your mum and I so applaud you.. Well done you!

  25. I find quite a few people disturbing and find it very hard to deal with them, but that may well all be issues related to my handicap. It’s hard to separate what is die to that ‘psychic’ vibe and what’s due to their reactions to that aspect of me. I’ve quite often had problems with Scorpios in fact, but they have mostly been resolved over time. Mainly however I just avoid people who have that effect on me as I can’t spare the psychic energy it demands, to deal with them, however much I’d like to.

    I think I’m mainly disturbed by people who ‘get me all wrong’, esp if they attribute false motives to my behaviour.

    Conversely I definitely do disturb quite a lot of people and sometimes seriously so – lots of people just can’t deal with me at all. In a few cases it’s related to the handicap but def in not all cases – sometimes people flip who have known me (and I presume liked me) for a long time, and push me away. Some people have tried to explain this effect I have, but it’s hard for me to see!

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