Should I Search for My Birth Parents?

Hi Elsa,

I was adopted at a very young age. I’ve always known about my adoption, but recently I’ve begun to wonder if maybe I should search for my birth parents.

My relationship with my adoptive parents has seemed to cool over the past year or two. I don’t know if my urge to search for my birth parents is a response to that… or maybe there’s something else going on. I’m not sure why this has been on my mind.

Should I actively search for my birth parents?

Sign me,
Mulling it Over

Dear Mulling,

I think you should. People want to know where they came from! And I imagine once you get curious… well, I doubt this will dissipate.

As for your parents, I wouldn’t worry too much about them. I appreciate this is a complex and sensitive issue, but I think most adoptive parents in their situation expect this day to come.

It’s possible you’ve pulled away from your parents subconsciously, to give yourself the space to explore looking for your birth parents. It’s possible. And I’m thinking that like with a hydra, if you hold this whole thing up to the light… well, a lot of the angst and confusion will dissolve.

I’m talking about making this whole thing real and committing to yourself: “Yes, I am curious who my birth parents are. Yes, I curious enough to start this process. And yes, I am mature enough to separate this from my relationship with my parents.”

See? You can have your cake and eat it too. And no one is hurt unnecessarily. Good luck.

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