I have found myself in love with my gay friend. We have been friends for the past five years and about a year ago, I told him that I knew he was gay. He was devastated as he said he wanted to tell me on his own, as he had another agenda. You see, he too had fallen in love with me, but I did not know that. We spoke and I felt better after we did; however, he on the other hand was devastated
It is going to be two years since all this happened but lately I found myself falling for him. You see, he closed the door when I told him I knew and he just felt he had blew it. He said that he has been fighting a demon in him for years and when he realized how he felt towards me, he thought that was it. I loved him then but now I have fallen for him.
Everyone who knows us thinks we are a couple, as he is on the down low. We are complemented very well, we act like a married couple, he treats me like I’m his queen, he caters to my every needs and is there for me whenever. I believe he is my soul mate but now the shoe is on the other foot I don’t know what to do. We have discussed it but he keeps going in circles with the answers. I know he loves me a lot but he too is scared, as he has been hurt in the past.
He says he thinks it best not to ruin a great friendship, then he does the sweetest things. For instance, we recently stayed on the phone from 12:30 am to 5:30 am talking; when asked why did he stayed up so long with me as he is not a phone person, his response was because I love you and care for you. He even told his mom about I am the one he will grow old with but now that I am showing a little more interest in him, he is pushing me away. I am confused. Should I just let it takes it course and just enjoy what we have now. I am really confused, as I believe he is my soul mate.
I can see why you are confused. He is not offering you any clarity but I will. This man is gay. He may very well love you and in fact, I am sure he does but he is still gay. And if you love him you will accept this completely.
And the worst thing you can possibly do to a gay man is expect him to be in a romantic relationship with a woman. I am sorry, but the idea is absolutely ludicrous. Just stop and think about it. Think about a gay man lying in bed with a woman night after night after night. Talk about a living hell. He wants a man, not a woman. But this does not mean he does not want a friend.
And it does not mean he does not suffer angst around his sexual preference, because obviously he does. And as his friend, you could be helping him with this. You could be telling him you love him the way he is and always will. You could be telling him that you want him to be happy and you know that only a man can ever give him what he needs. And you could be supporting him as he fumbles around out there, letting him know you will always pick up the phone if he needs you. You have a stellium in Cancer! Nurture him for chrissakes! Give him some of the unconditional mother love you have reams of.
And meanwhile, with your friend on the right track, you could go look for a non-gay man. One that isn’t homophobic, okay! Because you have a gay pal! And after this, life goes on, everyone evolves and with a little bit of luck, nature takes its course and you and your friend both wind up happy, satisfied and friends for life.