She’s Had a Falling Out With Her Best Friend: Leo Sun, Venus in Virgo

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Dear Elsa,

My best friend isn’t my best friend anymore. Last spring while I was living with her, I got involved with a guy. She didn’t like the situation for some reason and when I protested her assessment, she pulled away from me. The guy and I have since moved in together and are planning for the long-term.

To complicate things, she also began having a long-distance relationship which broke up her marriage with her husband. She’s also had some health problems, trouble getting pregnant, as well as setbacks in her job.

The upshot is that although I am inclined to say this is more about her problems than mine, she will not speak to me or even tell me where she has moved to. She doesn’t act like my open, loving, encouraging friend anymore.

Is there any way I can reach her? Should I try to wait out the life-change and expect her to wash up on shore sometime, or just accept that she’s moved on and let it go?

Ex Best Friend

Dear Ex,

I am sorry to say it sounds as if a pretty severe chasm has formed between you and your friend. And I am not sure if you can salvage the relationship or if she will flow back to you at some point but I do think you should take some steps to get yourself clean in this. And I chose the word “clean” deliberately, because you have Venus (relationships) in Virgo and you will never feel right leaving the things mussed up and askew. So here’s a plan. Take a lesson from my Virgo editor, HQ:

Like you, HQ really values his relationships. And he’s lost a few friends along the way, a couple to sudden, unexpected suicide and this has led him to develop a philosophy around friendship.

These days he gives everything he has to his relationships and he considers himself to be a very good friend. However, if someone doesn’t want him for a friend, he accepts this and he copes with the loss by knowing that he did the best he could.

Not the superficial best. Not the pointing-fingers-at-the-other-person, best, but his authentic best. And if he’s done this – if he’s given his all – then he can move on peacefully knowing there was nothing more he could have done.

So in your situation, never mind your friend’s pathology. I would suggest you dig deep and make one final statement. You know. Communicate!! Let her know exactly how you feel and what she means to you, leaving out any comment about what you think her flaws may be. When you get it right, send it to her and then let it go.

She’ll either be back or she won’t and with time it will make sense. For example, if you do wind up with a best friend void, eventually the universe will fill it. And wait’ll you get a load of what the new gal brings!

Good luck.

 

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Comments

She’s Had a Falling Out With Her Best Friend: Leo Sun, Venus in Virgo — 1 Comment

  1. I had a friend breakup with me and I was heartbroken.
    I made a last statement, though, and it really helped me. All I said was:
    “If I had my way, you’d still be my friend. I love you.”

    It actually made me feel good. I didn’t want to break up, and I loved her. She continued on her path and moved away. I don’t miss her (I’ve moved on) but I miss how good we had it as friends.

    I, too, aim to be the best friend I can be. There’s no regrets this way.

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