Completely Unexpected Divorce: Uranus Transit

Pisces blue and white vintage paperweight

Dear Elsa,

After 20 years together, I am in the early process of a surprise divorce. I have 3 young children and want to try and work out any problems. My husband is unwilling and can’t get out of this marriage fast enough. He claims we have always been incompatible and he has been very unhappy a long time. He has been very hostile lately. He is not having an affair, he just wants to be alone without responsibility.

Because of financial reasons, we are trying to handle our own divorce. We are trying to be friendly for the kids sake, but I can hardly handle his hostility and the hatred he has going right now. He refuses to discuss any divorce issues and I am afraid he is going to continue to get more and more selfish and leave us with nothing.

I can’t seem to get over him even though he is treating me like crap. He has agreed to talk to me about this relationship in about 6 months. Meanwhile he has promised to take care of us… but how can I trust him when he seems to be out for his own interests only? I also can’t get over him, I seem to want to protect him, he and I were each other’s first loves. I even want him back and that will never happen.

Being Abandoned

Dear Abandoned,

I feel very sorry for you and wish I could make this all go away. However, the astrology is very clear. Your husband wants out. He is having a Uranus transit (so are you) and damn the torpedoes, he’s going to do what he’s going to do. However, I do think some of your fears are unfounded and I think I can see a way to ease your pain by offering you a detached perspective.

First regarding your security fears for you and your children: although it is perfectly understandable to have them, he is telling you that this is not what he is trying to do. And I don’t think your husband is a liar. So I think you should listen very carefully to what he is telling you, because there’s gobs of information there in the midst of this chaos.

See, you’re scared to death and it’s no wonder. You’ve been hit by a train. But listen to what he’s telling you. He is telling you he is having an extreme urge for freedom. And astrology supports this, believe me. He is having a ‘throw the baby out with the bathwater” sort of time, so just imagine being him. Imagine all the sudden being hit with an incredible sense of being restricted and finding it impossible to endure. Because this is where he is at. “I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE!” And he doesn’t even know what “IT” is. And further, I would bet that on some level he is as surprised as you are.

But he is also telling you he cares about his children. And you! He is also telling you he is willing (wants) to talk to your about your relationship in six months… and I believe him. I also think this is very telling.

See, I play cards. And sometimes… well, most times people give a “tell”. They tip their hand with a look or some kind of gesture and your husband has done this with you. I think he wants to go. He needs to go. But personally, I think odds are he will be back. But not if you don’t let him go! So this is my advice:

Open the door. Open it as wide as you can. Give him total freedom. You can do this. You love him, it’s obvious. And when you love someone, there is really nothing to do but give them whatever they want anyway.

And you have a Pisces Moon. So it’s not like you don’t understand this kind of thing. Faith, that is. You have a deep knowing that things work out best, which probably explains why you can’t get over him.

You can’t get over him because he’s not going anywhere. Where’s the other woman, huh? Where is the woman he prefers to you? There is no other woman! Your husband is basically going insane but it’s not permanent. And he is giving you clues all over the place if you will only pick up on them. So try this:

Transcend your fear and act in a way that is totally loving. Give him whatever he asks for. Give him all the space he needs.

Then ask the universe to give you the best outcome for all involved and I bet you get exactly that.

Much love and good luck.

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Comments

Completely Unexpected Divorce: Uranus Transit — 9 Comments

  1. Dear Abandoned,
    I’ve been there and had that done to me after 10 years of marriage. He wanted, no, INSISTED on a break (the usual incompatibility and ‘I’ve been so unhappy (sob) with you’ plea). At the same time, he had no desire to discuss divorce. The more I pleaded with him to change his mind, the more adamant he got. So I moved to another city, completely shattered and out of my mind. He said we’d review the situation in 3 months. It’s been almost 2 years now and you know what: we still haven’t got back together BUT we’re BEST FRIENDS again. Yippee! And who knows, we may just get back sometime, someday. But even if we don’t, we’ve still got the best part of our relationship back (so ya boo and sucks to all that bullshit about ‘incompatibility’). The bottomline of what I’m trying to say here is: Space does help. Big time. So don’t push the divorce thingie if he doesn’t want to discuss it yet. That’s a postive sign. And don’t pressurise him into sticking to his 6 month deadline. When he really is ready to talk, he will. I wish you all the strength in the world to cope with this. Believe me, you’ll need it. But also believe me when I tell you that you will survive beautifully. And, he may just come through for you too. Meanwhile, grit your teeth and bear it. This too shall pass.
    Take care.

  2. I’m dealing with something in my own life and this post made me go check the person’s chart and yep, sure enough, she’s going through a Uranus transit (‘urge to freedom’) in the very area where we are having a problem.

    On top of that, she is going through a Saturn transit (‘grow up’) to her natal Uranus (‘urge to freedom’).

    Double whammy for her (with me being a karmic player in this lesson).

    Seeing all this, and taking into account your advice, makes it clear how I need to handle my own end of this situation. Thank you.

  3. BEAUTIFUL, Elsa! Just BEAUTIFUL!

    “Open the door. Open it as wide as you can. Give him total freedom. You can do this. You love him, it’s obvious. And when you love someone, there is really nothing to do but give them whatever they want anyway.”

    THAT is love!

  4. Love is also not leaving your spouse of 20 years with no good reason.

    I’m sorry but it just really irks me. Sure, let him go, but you don’t have to be happy about it. I, for one, would be broken.

  5. Hi, Saggal. I totally get what you’re saying but think of it this way. If he stays with her out of obligation he will be miserable and eventually so will she. I can’t see the children faring any better from living a lie.
    Because he does love her, his children ,and, obviously himself he does not want to torment her with his presence all the while he is not really “present”.
    It is a very sad thing for the children ( mine went throught the same thing but , instead, my husband used my children to force me back into a relationship with him. Did not work) but from my experience my sons fared much better without him as an influence.
    I believe that people come and go in our lives at just the precise moment for our spiritual growth. When that relationship has outlived it’s purpose people naturally move on to the next chapter of their lives.
    It is the natural flow of life. I just do not believe in “forever” (as much as my Scorpio Moon would LOVE to possess someone for all eternity) because when someone leaves it means they are making room for something, (someone?) better and more rewarding for all concerned.
    It seems like this man does have a good reason for leaving….” He claims we have always been incompatible and he has been very unhappy a long time”….just not the one (((Dear))) Being wanted to hear.
    It really gets better. Really.

    I wish Being many,many blessings and love.

  6. I agree with Saggal. Meanwhile…

    01. Isn’t it considered lying when a person “claims we have always been incompatible and he has been very unhappy a long time.” Or at least – not communicating?

    How can a person trust this man (his promises, including his willingness to revisit and sort things out in 6 months) if he’s been living a lie for all of those unhappy years?

    02. re:He is not having an affair, he just wants to be alone without responsibility.

    Isn’t that considered acting immature and childish? What would happen if everyone who felt uncomfortable in their situation decided to just stop and start over? Life is not a game. It’s freakin’ LIFE – and at some point you either grow up – or you find someone else to act like your mommy and spoonfeed you.

    03. If she feels like she wants “to protect him” – even though he is the one who is causing her grief, then I would hope that she finds professional counseling. He is not her child who did a bad thing and needs to learn his lesson and deserves comforting. He is a grown man who needs to take ownership of his actions and responsibility for his family and the choices that he has made, thus far.

    04. re:I can’t seem to get over him even though he is treating me like crap.

    I hope that “Being Abandoned” realizes that there’s something odd about that statement. Why would anyone want to be with someone (or protect someone) who is being mean and is unhealthy for them?

    I hope that she was not emotionally abused by this man.

    Her letter is filled with what her husband wants or doesn’t want – there is very little about what she wants. He’s acting out and she’s left there to react to his “hostility and the hatred he has going right now.”

    05. re:Open the door. Open it as wide as you can. Give him total freedom.

    I agree. I think this woman is better off without this man in her life – no one needs to be hoodwinked about a serious relationship.

    But I think she should let him go out of love for herself – she should love herself enough to know that she deserves better.

    She deserves someone who loves her and wants to be with her (hopefully someone who is more mature than her husband is) – and if she was emotionally abused, I wouldn’t be surprised if she defends his actions against her. She may need professional help.

    As someone once said, “we accept the kind of love we think we deserve.”

    And she most definitely needs to get a lawyer, for sure. No one is watching out for her. She needs to do that for herself. This is time to get proactive and think about her and her children’s future.

    And yes, I am irked by this post – because treating humans like dirt (and getting sympathy for it) is not acceptable.

  7. IT IS A URANUS TRANSIT.

    We can talk for hours on what constitutes an asshole, but we can also look at what to watch out for during a Uranus transit!
    It makes no goddamn sense! I never knew what the fuck was wrong with me until I had one!
    Sorry for all the yelling but I am totally on Elsa with this one, basically that hubby is desperate to have freedom and doesn’t know what the fuck that even means. He’s a crazed person, and yes he’s being an ass but there is astrology to back this ass up! And isn’t that why we are all here on ElsaElsa? To learn about astrology?
    And for the record, I don’t think there’s anything weird about the statement that Abandoned loves her husband even though he’s treating her badly! They were together for 20 years and have built a life and family together. No doubt she loves him. I hope to god you love the person you chose to build a life with, even though it seems to have all gone to hell, temporarily or not.

    It’s too bad he is being hostile and not talking, awful painful behaviour to behold. Yes, she should get a lawyer but her letter states clearly they can’t afford it. And if there’s one thing that is amazing during this Uranus transit, is the Abandoned and her husband have managed to agree on that practical detail. I have faith there will be more agreements in the future.

    Here is from Robert Hand’s book “Planet in Transits:”

    “Uranus challenges the rigid structures in life that most people work so hard to build…But this kind of rigidity is ultimately destructive to life in it’s highest sense. Life is or should be a constant, ongoing confrontation between yourself and the world…The problem with this kind of confrontation, however, is that there is always the danger of losing, so most people avoid the confrontation if they can.”

    And wouldn’t the average person avoid it even more if they had a little family to take care of? I sure as hell would.

    Let ’em walk and love them anyway–that should be Uranus’s mantra.

  8. Although I understand what Elsa is saying, I agree with Pepper on principle.

    Uranus/Aquarius is also supposed to be humanistic if only on a group scale… well, breaking up a marriage and family because you’re suddenly unhappy might be astrologically understandable, but it’s incredibly selfish in reality. He’s blaming his own need(s) for freedom on her and their marriage, instead of at least sucking it up and saying, “I’m being a dickhead and making you miserable because I’m miserable and can’t find a constructive way to handle this energy without destroying your lives as well.”

    Ask the kids when they’re grown up what they remember of his Uranus transit.

    I don’t intend disrespect to you, Elsa; looking at things from a spiritual larger perspective there may very well be reasons of growth behind such astrological activity. But it’s as easy to grow into being an adult– finding ways to get our freedom that don’t forsake our loved ones’ security and happiness– as it is to be a gigantic ass during such a time. These are the tough things which reveal a person’s true character. And therefore, Abandoned, I recommend you look out for #1 (you and your kids), by getting a shark of a laywer– take out a loan from someone in the family if you can– and protect yourself, because just because it seems like he might come back someday is no guarantee that he ever will.

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