After 20 years together, I am in the early process of a surprise divorce. I have 3 young children and want to try and work out any problems. My husband is unwilling and can’t get out of this marriage fast enough. He claims we have always been incompatible and he has been very unhappy a long time. He has been very hostile lately. He is not having an affair, he just wants to be alone without responsibility.
Because of financial reasons, we are trying to handle our own divorce. We are trying to be friendly for the kids sake, but I can hardly handle his hostility and the hatred he has going right now. He refuses to discuss any divorce issues and I am afraid he is going to continue to get more and more selfish and leave us with nothing.
I can’t seem to get over him even though he is treating me like crap. He has agreed to talk to me about this relationship in about 6 months. Meanwhile he has promised to take care of us… but how can I trust him when he seems to be out for his own interests only? I also can’t get over him, I seem to want to protect him, he and I were each other’s first loves. I even want him back and that will never happen.
I feel very sorry for you and wish I could make this all go away. However, the astrology is very clear. Your husband wants out. He is having a Uranus transit (so are you) and damn the torpedoes, he’s going to do what he’s going to do. However, I do think some of your fears are unfounded and I think I can see a way to ease your pain by offering you a detached perspective.
First regarding your security fears for you and your children: although it is perfectly understandable to have them, he is telling you that this is not what he is trying to do. And I don’t think your husband is a liar. So I think you should listen very carefully to what he is telling you, because there’s gobs of information there in the midst of this chaos.
See, you’re scared to death and it’s no wonder. You’ve been hit by a train. But listen to what he’s telling you. He is telling you he is having an extreme urge for freedom. And astrology supports this, believe me. He is having a ‘throw the baby out with the bathwater” sort of time, so just imagine being him. Imagine all the sudden being hit with an incredible sense of being restricted and finding it impossible to endure. Because this is where he is at. “I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE!” And he doesn’t even know what “IT” is. And further, I would bet that on some level he is as surprised as you are.
But he is also telling you he cares about his children. And you! He is also telling you he is willing (wants) to talk to your about your relationship in six months… and I believe him. I also think this is very telling.
See, I play cards. And sometimes… well, most times people give a “tell”. They tip their hand with a look or some kind of gesture and your husband has done this with you. I think he wants to go. He needs to go. But personally, I think odds are he will be back. But not if you don’t let him go! So this is my advice:
Open the door. Open it as wide as you can. Give him total freedom. You can do this. You love him, it’s obvious. And when you love someone, there is really nothing to do but give them whatever they want anyway.
And you have a Pisces Moon. So it’s not like you don’t understand this kind of thing. Faith, that is. You have a deep knowing that things work out best, which probably explains why you can’t get over him.
You can’t get over him because he’s not going anywhere. Where’s the other woman, huh? Where is the woman he prefers to you? There is no other woman! Your husband is basically going insane but it’s not permanent. And he is giving you clues all over the place if you will only pick up on them. So try this:
Transcend your fear and act in a way that is totally loving. Give him whatever he asks for. Give him all the space he needs.
Then ask the universe to give you the best outcome for all involved and I bet you get exactly that.
Much love and good luck.