About six weeks ago, I was diagnosed with herpes simplex 1. My story’s almost embarrassing. My partner and I consider ourselves intelligent, informed people in our 40’s. I’m even in the medical field. We didn’t know his oral herpes could be transmitted during oral sex he performed on me… but it was. Now I have genital herpes and he doesn’t.
We’re not “the one” for each other. We had been seeing each other for four months, but knew right away that we weren’t each other’s life partner. We’re friends, we care about each other, but we’re not in love.
I went through a lot of feelings — from numbness all the way to anger. I felt like my partner, as a resourceful, intelligent man that had had this for 25 years, should know how it’s transmitted. The anger lasted about two weeks and I’m passed that now though, truly. I’ve since decided to finish my education and just this week moved to a new state to do so. He and I parted ways on a very, very kind note, wishing each other well in life.
So, the issue: I’m pretty sure my sex life is over. I won’t sleep with someone without telling them I have herpes, and I’m not really interested in sleeping with someone that’s willing to risk having a partner with herpes. Catch-22. I know people with herpes have sex, but HOW? Condoms don’t protect, and I don’t want to put anyone I care about at risk. Even without having an outbreak, sex with me is never 100% risk-free anymore. I’m a Scorpio. You KNOW how important sex is to me.
Any words of wisdom would be encouraged, because I’m not doing real well here. I KNOW a lot of people have this disease but that doesn’t make me feel any better. If I broke my leg, I wouldn’t feel better knowing people break legs all the time, you know?
I am very sorry for your loss and I don’t mean to minimize it any way. I understand you feel your most prized asset has been compromised. And you’ve given me one heck of a challenge if I am supposed to talk a Scorpio out of feeling whatever it is they feel. And I’m pretty sure you’ve researched this by now and accessed every bit of information available.
I also know (because you’ve written me before and because you have planets in Sagittarius) that you are a faith-based person who understands there is a grand design. So what I am going to do is take this as a Scorpio problem….
I believe you are in a Scorpio pit of self-loathing and thinking in extremes. “You can never have sex again!” You are intensifying everything. You are scraping the bottom of the well and you’re going to stay there until you’ve exhausted this, at which time you will surface. And when you do surface, you’ll have gathered your power and all your resources and you will be able to work this out. So all I can do is try to facilitate this happening. Your rebirth, that is. And the best way I know to do this is by offering the pointed truth.
The truth is, you will have sex again. You know you’ll have sex again. And you will like the sex you have, and so will your partner.
And herpes? Current mourning aside, ultimately it will not be the death of you. My advice?
I have the same advice I have given you before. Get out of the well (Scorpio) and back on the horse (Sagittarius) without delay. Because people with herpes have sex every day, as do people who are HIV+, women who have had mastectomies, men who have had heart attacks, etc. etc. etc. They have good sex. They have better than ever sex. They have sex that heals and makes them know they are still whole and in this world, perhaps even more beautiful then ever with their new vulnerability. Think of Leonard Cohen, “There’s a crack in everything… that’s how the light gets in.”
Much love and good luck.