How is it possible that I’m not able to develop and maintain a stable, long-term relationship?
This year I’m divorcing a man who I was sure I’d spend rest of my life with. I thought he was love of my life. After six great years, something happened – my love evaporated somewhere and suddenly I was seeing him just as a friend, not a husband, friend and lover in one. I’m desperate and very disappointed by myself, because with THIS ONE I was sure it wouldn’t happen. And it is always a shock after some time of mutual caring, loving etc on all levels.
I have had five long-term relationships so far and one marriage – they lasted from one year to five years. And they all ended like I describe above, so it must be a pattern. I thought theoretically that I could live with someone who is just a good friend, but because sex is involved between men and women in a relationship and I cannot have sex with someone whom I perceive just as my friend or brother. This idea will remain just a theory. Now I feel very bad that I broke hearts of a number of great men. Maybe I should give it up and live alone, because it always ends the same way.
Where will I find courage to meet someone new and fall in love again when I know where it will lead? Please help. Can you see something in my chart which could help me to live with my unpredictable love nature, where does this lead?
I’m giving up idea that I will have my own family, because me having a child sounds like a bad joke. Will I end as a lonely, unhappy old woman?
No, you will not end up as a lonely unhappy old woman! You are learning about yourself via your experience and you will make adjustments – subtly at some times, abruptly at others – that will allow you to live more in tune with your authentic self.
Now with Venus in the 12th house and Neptune in the 7th, your authentic self loves in a way that is probably very fetching but not necessarily so grounded. And what it sounds like what you’re doing is, you’re trying to fit in some kind of mold or apply some kind of framework that is simply not going to work!! The reason the love evaporates is because confinement does not fit your nature. And right now, this seems like a terrific deficit.
And I understand that. You feel for the men you’ve left behind and guess why that is? It’s because you still love them. You still feel compassion for them and I am sure you always will. Problem is, you just can’t be contained. Your love is very leaky!!
I have Venus Neptune and I’ll give you an example of how this works. I love my children, obviously. But you know what? I love other people’s children. As a matter of fact, I love all children! I can’t help it. I just love.
So what if you’re my kid? Does this suck, or what? Your mother loves the child standing next to you. Her love is not focused on you, exclusively! Her love goes all over the place! It’s universal!
And before I really understood and accepted this, I felt a lot like you do. I felt a lot of shame, really. But now I see that I am just one of the types of people in the world. Other people get devouring mothers, right? And people like you and I have fairy-love!!
Now I will never focus up and eat my children, any more than you will ever focus your love in an unwavering way, over time. But this does not mean you cannot grace the lives of your lovers. You just need to be conscious and honest about who you are. Quit promising to have feelings that are static when it’s not possible. Tell the next man you’re a flake if you have to. “I’m a little dreamy.” You’ll be amazed at what happens when you accept and embrace yourself as you are, authentically. Others fall right in line.
This is sort of like Oprah Winfrey saying years ago, she does not want to marry. At first people were appalled, but now? Well, we all know Oprah isn’t marrying Stedman and who cares!
Hang in, and good luck.