I’m engaged to a man with an ex-wife and two kids. When his kids came to my house to visit last summer, I made a request of him for the ex-wife not to come in my house. We agreed and everything was fine. When the kids arrived, we picked them up from the airport and brought them home. Per his court order, she had the right to “inspect” our house for the kids’ sake. I agreed and even gave her the tour. I told my fiance that from that point on, I was not going in her house and she was not to come back into mine. Again, he agreed.
She came to visit the kids while I’m at work and she comes in the house. He claims the kids invited her in but because he is the adult, he should have respected my wishes. Needless to say, when I found out I was pissed. I felt completely disrespected and ignored. So, we talked about it and he admitted that he didn’t think it was a reasonable request to begin with but said he would honor it in the future.
Then we go to visit his kids in their town. We go to pick the kids up at their house and the first thing he does is walk into her house because the kids invited him in. I purposely stayed by the car so that I didn’t have to put myself in the position to turn down an invitation into the house. He comes out and asks me to come in. I tell him flat out ‘NO’ but he treats me like I’m being unreasonable and I finally go inside.
Is my request unreasonable? I feel like I’m being completely disrespected and am ready to tell him to kiss off. When will he have the balls to stand up for what I want? Where does it end? I really need some unbiased advice.
I don’t think your request is necessarily unreasonable but I also don’t think it’s wise. And I’ll explain but before I do, I want to say I’m not sure my opinion should matter. Because fact is, this is your boundary and a person’s boundaries ought to be respected. So you’ve drawn this line and all I can advise is you might re-think it… in light of how things are going, and also because this is driving you crazy.
So considering that, you might ask yourself why you don’t want this woman in your house. Because she is not just “the ex-wife”. She your fiance’s children’s mother and she will never be anything less. And fact is, children do frequently invite the other parent into their home. Because from the kid’s perspective, they are living two places! And it’s not that they are trying to cause a problem. For example, sometimes they have something they are proud of at one house, and they want to share with the other parent. So what if you prevent this?
Well just think about it. Everyone has follow the rules. Your rules! Everyone has to conform to your standard, less you’re going to be pissed. Do you really want to come across this way? To be seen like this?