I’m Disinterested In Love Relationships, My Friends Are Disturbed

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Dear Elsa,

I don’t know what the matter is with me. I know I’m young (19) but I’m simply incapable of holding a relationship. That isn’t even a problem to me; I really don’t like them and I am just wondering if maybe any of this can be explained through astrology?

I’m an excellent friend. I invest much time and devotion to my platonic relationships with no question or bother. But when it comes to that very same devotion in the romantic sense, I’m turned off. In fact, it sickens me. I’m so disgusted by the idea of dependency, particularly in the boyfriend/girlfriend sense.

Whenever I find someone I like, as soon as I know I can have them I’m bored. Or if that’s not enough, I’m pursuing five people at once to keep me occupied.

I know it’s unfair to those I’m flirting and fooling around with, but I told them in plain language I am not interested in a relationship. Still, they become attached where I simply do not, so I up and leave. Some of my friends find this a bit disturbing. Is there anything the matter with me?

Non-Committal
United States

Dear Non-Committal,

No, there is nothing wrong with you as far I can see. What you are doing may be non-conforming but you are honest and moral so I don’t know what else people should expect from you.

With your Moon conjunct Pluto in Scorpio I would go as far as to say that people are projecting their shadow onto you. By that I mean, part of them would like to be just like you. But rather than accept the dichotomy in their own person, they hang the part that “disturbs” them on you and this is what you are feeling.

But I also think this is somewhat true in reverse. You are an Aquarian and you sound just like one. You want to be “friends” but you don’t want anyone to get too close! Problem with that is again your Moon Pluto, which yearns for a deep merge and exchange with another person.

This is in your chart, though apparently deeply subconscious at the moment – which I would not worry about if I were you. Because what you’re doing right now is exactly right. There is no reason to change one hair on your head. But don’t be surprised one day when you meet someone who knocks your socks off when they access you on this other level. Then you will discover you are deeper than you can possibly imagine.

But now? Now you’re living and you’re living well. It is okay to be a person who experiments and is easily bored. And I can tell you with near certainty, the people who find you “disturbing” are disturbed themselves. You sound like an inordinately “together” 19 year old to me, so don’t let people hang that crap on you. And be aware you are likely to fight this all your life so you may as well get good at it. Good at scraping the crap people put on you and throwing it back, that is. Or at least throwing it down. But whatever you do, don’t internalize it because it has nothing to do with you.

Good luck.

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I’m Disinterested In Love Relationships, My Friends Are Disturbed — 4 Comments

  1. What great advice Elsa! I never had a ‘real’ relationship until my 20s. When that ended, it was a few years before I met someone I was interested enough in to initiate another relationship.

    Non-commital, I totally hear you on feeling turned off in some way by relationships, although for me it is entirely related to gender-specific roles and a burning, burning desire to be free all the time. Don’t let your friends give you a hard time! Your attitude is refreshing, and flirting is not only legal, it is very fun.

  2. You seem perfectly normal to me, you sound like a stand up person.

    Being that you take a nontraditional approach to romance when you get intimately involved with another person “I am not interested in a relationship” may bear repeating so it sinks in with the other person.

    The problem isn’t with you it’s with how the dating game is generally done. At the beginning of relationships people tend to accentuate the positive while ommitting the negative about themselves, exaggerate their feelings, make false promises, be extra considerate and giving, etc.. I don’t agree with this and I avoid doing it myself, lies and flase impressions tend to compound into more lies and disappointment (I have a Neptune-AC aspect), I think most people want to make a good first impression and appearances certainly matter to the majority of people so you have to keep that in mind when you are trail blazing sister.

    What does this have to do with you and the grief people give you for the way you live your life? When you tell someone you are interested in that you are not interested in a relationship that person probably isn’t taking you seriously when he *should* be taking you seriously. I think this is for a lack of honesty and self-understanding in his life not yours. You seem to have your shit together very well.

    Also I don’t think you are non-committal, I think you just have high standards which is good because it is a reflection of healthy self-esteem and having your shit together – kind of amazing for your age. I also agree with Elsa that eventually you are going to meet someone who knocks your socks off. You should always remain comfortable with yourself and never take your ques from society because society is currently pretty fucked up.

  3. I have the same placements, double aquarian with moon in scorp conjunct pluto. This rings a loud bell…I think I can take this exact same advice for myself.

  4. BRILLIANT response Elsa!!!! 😀 I have the same Moon conjunct Pluto in Scorpio 8th… I find so many similarities… sometimes I wonder if I’ll be single and alone all my life because I get bored so quickly with someone who wants to commit and I’m just not all that into them… Thank you! (I’m at ease.)

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