Setting Your Life Up The Way You Want It

Scorpio necklaceOver the years, I’ve heard from more than one person, that people are right where they want to be. I got to thinking about it the other day.

My friend, Ben believes this or at least he did at one time, many years ago.  His life today is not as enjoyable as it once was.  I wondered if he’d changed his mind and scrapped his philosophy. Because I’m curious, I called him up to ask.

“Lemme ask you something,” I said.  “Years ago, you told me that you felt a person was right where they wanted to be. They set their life up the way they wanted it. Do you still believe this?”

“Yes, I believe that more than ever.”

“Whew!” I said. “I was kind of hoping you’d not renege on this. I thought you might since you don’t like your current circumstance so well.”

“No I don’t like it,” he said. “I don’t like my situation.”

“So how do your resolve this? How do you resolve the fact you don’t like the way it is, and you created it?”

“It’s set up this way, because the alternative is worse.”

“Hmm. Smart.”

I asked on the boards, Are You Right Where You Want To Be?

I got back a resounding, NO!

I’m sorry, but I don’t think that is a good way to see things. It’s like wearing a wet blanket all day.

When I find myself stuck in certain circumstances I ask myself, how did I get here and why did I get here. The answers are enlightening and allow me to get moving towards a better situation.

If you are not where you want to be, are you moving there?



Setting Your Life Up The Way You Want It — 37 Comments

  1. This is such an interesting topic. I think you are where you want to be. But what you think you want and the “want” you’re actually putting out there and actively going about getting may be two completely different things and if you don’t look at yourself honestly and see how and where you may be self-sabotaging, you may well say no, I’m not where I want to be.

  2. Oh yeah, also – where you want to be may not be what you imagine it to be. And once you get it, you may well find that you do not like it nearly as much as you thought you would.

  3. Yes, I do think I am where I want to be. Not long ago I would have felt differently about that though! I think a big part of Saturn in Scorpio for me has been about digging deep and finding the root problems that caused me to get stuck. I was in that place because I “wanted” to sort though those problems and deal with them. Over the past year or so I have been making lots of changes to my life and to my attitudes. I am happier now, but still believe the last few years were necessary, and “wanted” on a deeper level.

  4. I totally agree with Ben and you, Elsa. When we take an honest look at our choices and why, ‘good & bad’, it’s obvious we set up our own circumstances. Lessons, anyone? My life is not how I would like it to be at the moment and I found myself feeling sorry for myself because of it (oh,that dastardly universe is mucking with my life again). Then I got sick of my own pathetic crap and recognized the one thing that I could change that would allow things to flow again. Of course this one thing is the most painful and challenging thing to change hence the reason I put it off so long…but it just became impossible to ignore that my life could not move towards being what I want without my doing the dirty work and removing this obstacle.

  5. I agree with Ben. I am not where I want to be, but it’s better than any of my other options. I am always looking to make a step toward where I want to go though. I guess he is too.

    As an example, how many people do we know who WANT to be in a relationship, but can’t seem to find the right partner, no matter how hard they try?

    Sometimes, life just doesn’t offer up the opportunities you want/ need, to get you to where you want to go.

  6. I don’t like some aspects of my current situation, but then other aspects are a vast improvement from before and I feel incredibly blessed. Misfortune and blessings, all mixed up together.

    I believe I co-create my life. I play the hand I’m dealt. I don’t fold. I’d rather be in the game and fail miserably than just be a spectator.

  7. McKenna~ in regards to “life offering up opportunities” I get where you are coming from with that statement. I got stuck there in respect to the absence of opportunities for meeting someone to have a relationship with. Personally~ I took it as a sign that I needed to start hanging out in different circles…expand the playing field. On thursday nights, down at the yacht club they offer free sailing lessons; it’s something totally different than I’ve ever done. I figure that’s what it takes to get things moving again…do something different, get out of my comfort zone. Shake it up!

  8. I’m not sure I entirely believe in this though. It’s pretty easy for us to talk about it, given the fact that regardless of the little details of our lives, we all have the opportunity, time, and energy to discuss these things. We have it pretty good, relatively speaking, and we should want to be where we are. But lots of people experience really rotten circumstances in life, and I’m not sure they all wanted it, or that it’s the best option for them.

    I know I answered that we’re where we need to be in response to the original question, but I don’t know that I believe that either, the more I think about it.

    Some people have the privilege to take control of their circumstances, and it’s not something that should be taken lightly. But I don’t know how to account for all of the people who are suffering in the world then.

  9. I agree with Ben, though I admit to forgetting that outlook at times. But it’s a healthy way to see things, and empowering. Saturn in Scorpio is forcing me to see what I absolutely must do differently.

    In the past day or so, I’ve had two I Ching readings which seem to touch on what you’re talking about. Here’s one.

    “Hexagram 10- Treading (Conduct), line 6:
    Look to your conduct and weigh the favorable signs. When everything is fulfilled, supreme good fortune comes.

    The work is ended. If we want to know whether good fortune will follow, we
    must look back upon our conduct and its consequences. If the effects are good,
    then good fortune is certain. No one knows himself. It is only by the
    consequences of his actions, by the fruit of his labors, that a man can judge
    what he is to expect.”

  10. I’m totally where I want to be….enjoying my last month or so of living and being alone. By the fall I’ll be coupled up and living in my boyfriend…and most likely long term partner. It’s one of those moments in life where I might not be completely comfortable but I understand why I am experiencing this set-up and excited about the future. 🙂

  11. CMarie~ I’ve tried to reconcile that as well but now we’re going deep… Cruelty and suffering exist in this world and circumstances can be beyond our control. Is this where perception/faith can change those circumstances internally but not necessarily externally? Extreme examples, Think: Nelson Mandela. Think: holocaust survivors. Do you believe in karmic agreements and reincarnation? Is it possible that we all are living out our “karmic” lessons whether it is to learn something for ourselves or to be a lesson for someone else, no matter the depths of despair or depravity involved? But ultimately it does give one cause to be grateful for whatever we call problems and do our best to understand our place in them and to move through them, because we can.

  12. Very interesting topic/thoughts. I often take a deterministic view of life. If something is happening, then the reason for it is that it has to happen, period. I realize on some level that I enjoy my situation. I am being tested on many levels, but I need to be.

  13. Elsa: thanks for your ‘actually’ answer wrote to me 2 days ago. An answer in your natal Mercury – Mars conjunction style.
    By the way those who have it as a natal conjunction, are feeling it very SOLID these days.
    India is a very Leo country. The CNN TV Channel is full of news from Bangladesh, these last days.

    Soooo: Ben is right about the lacking of an alternative. I do not have this kind of conjunction between Mercury and Mars. It is possible that your friend, Ben not to have it, too.

    But for sure you have it. Voila!: ”The answers (your Mercury mind) allow me to get moving (very Mars) towards a better situation.

  14. In the sense that I’m not pampered in a castle after winning the lottery then no, I’m not where I want to be. But I do see how my current situation is the sum total of previous life choices.

    How people answer the question really indicates whether they think life is just something that happens to them.

  15. Personally, pretty much so, but still improving. I still cough up stuff I have to spit out.

    I like where I am now but know that I am moving to a future then. I try not to let the then distract me from now because it will evolve in its own time anyway. There’s a continual movement thing about me. I can’t relate to being stationary.

  16. I am where I am and thankful that I’m not where I was. Sooooo, my totem spirit comes to me and tells me to widen my horizons. I am in a good place, I am self realized which is a sweet place. I remember the old spelling adage, you can’t get there from here. I set daily goals so bit by bit and step by step. My situation and my world changes.

  17. I have been trying to figure out (a) what I SPECIFICALLY want, and (b) how to get it, for years now. I’m still stumped–I don’t think I know step B, much less step Z/the end. It’s hard to make what I nebulously want fit into how reality works–that’s where I have problems. You can’t have a fabulous life where things are interesting and creative AND still have stable 8-5 employment and regular paychecks and insurance. As a Taurus, I have Issues with giving those things up for the inner whee. I want to fit into “the box,” and yet not at the same time. It is an either-or choice as far as I can tell, especially since I am single and can’t live off someone else’s stable job and insurance.

    “As an example, how many people do we know who WANT to be in a relationship, but can’t seem to find the right partner, no matter how hard they try? Sometimes, life just doesn’t offer up the opportunities you want/ need, to get you to where you want to go.”

    Yes, exactly, some stuff like relationships is just not something under my control to make happen either. My shrink waited 13 years between her last boyfriend and her husband coming along, and I figure I’ll be similar if it ever happens.

    I spend a lot of time waiting in general. I am quite bored with it.

    I’d say that my daily life is set up approximately how I want it–a little less than it used to be, though. Aspirationally, no, but that’s harder.

  18. I think it’s my Capricorn Moon being realistic, but I think sometimes a person is just shit out of luck. Bad things happen, it doesn’t always have to do with the choices we made. I can’t control rain as much as any human can.

    As for a person with bad luck or in an unpleasant situation, they have my sympathies!

  19. there is collective (as well as individual) karma, but we can tweak our situations and be aware of the choices we are making and actions we are taking constantly. sometimes we’re at the right place at the right time.

  20. I’ve never heard it said like that. I’ve always heard that during difficult times (or perceived good times for that matter) that you are ‘right where you are supposed to be.’ Not necessarily where you want to be, but where you are supposed to be. Meaning that your higher self or “God” if you will, has placed you in this situation to learn something, change something, accept something, etc. etc. In the same vein as ‘nothing in God’s world happens by mistake.’

  21. I agree with Ben. I hate where my life is now, yet it is the least of the evils available. I would be happy to put in the work to make my life better, the universe just hasn’t given me the opportunity to yet. I’m being held against my will.

    Maybe I’m where I’m “supposed” to be, just not where I WANT to be.

  22. Joyce Meyer, like Elsa (& too many others) came from abject poverty and child abuse; of all sorts..physical, emotional, sexual abuse, at the hands of her father, who she ended up having to tend to, in his old age. She’s a study in overcoming resentment and rising above lousy circumstances.

    This book is her hallmark/trademark work, that’s helped so many, to overcome childhood & other trauma. I like what this says, abt it:

    Joyce Meyer Quotes (Author of Battlefield of the Mind) – Goodreads‎
    160 quotes from Joyce Meyer:
    ‘You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.’, ‘Courage …

    ~“I may not be where I need to be but I thank God I am not where I used to be.” … Every day I get better and better in every way.” …

    We all can, too..I’m living proof of it, myself.
    I lifted a line from Elsa’s ebook, & wrote it down, too; that she’s learned to trust the universe..& she’s “Pretty sure you’ll never miss the bus you’re supposed to be on.”

    The epitomy of turning her tests into a testamony, of overcoming an adverse life, she’d been dealt, is that she’s still here and still overcoming obstacles, as they present themselves.

    I also really like a quote of Paul Crouch, Sr.; the head of TBN..on having Faith:
    “Faith is walking to the edge, of all the light, we can see…and taking, one more, step.”

    Elsa did that too. The epitomy, of taking every day, one step at a time. A triumph of the human spirit, over adversity. A calling, maybe to show others, they can overcome and help others, by turning their messes into messages, too.

    Adversity is the way we build spiritual muscle.
    Elsa’s an illustration, of the indominable human spirit. There’s so many who need to see that it can be done, and be given the encouragement to persist; and even thrive, against all odds.

  23. I agree with Conoco, and I too am Capricorn Moon. Sometimes a person is shit out of luck. Even then, it’s a gift to know your limits.

  24. I believe this could also be taken as “blaming the victim”, too, and I try hard to avoid that. I only use this as a way to look at my own life, never to lecture anyone else about how they’ve fucked up their own. Sometimes crap happens that really is out of your control.

  25. This sort of wise pragmatism [coupled with your many stories about him] is a big reason I have a total school-girl crush on Ben.
    I “heart” him–bigtime.

  26. I am staying on the path of choice,getting out of debt,paying bills, staying home and going to boring work every day and talking myself into day by day, but man I want to rebel…get outta this boring way of life…but I know I would lose everything I’ve been freedom is the way to go.

  27. What a good and true topic Elsa about being happy or where you want to be.
    @McKenna, Elizabeth. Jennifer… I agree with what you say. No matter how much you want to change your life/meet someone new etc when there are very few men that you are attracted to its tuff. I don’t consider myself very pick but I am picky to the part CHEMISTRY is a must and I have standards. I am so frustrated with men 25+ years my senior or married making the moves ughhhh! I want a man that I am drawn to but keep getting hit on by losers or way to senior for me!
    I am so frustrated living in a small town and not being able to date a guy that I am attracted too!
    So HELL no I am not where I want to be! A love of my life/significant other is the only thing that is lacking! No FWB or such but a TRUE LOVE!

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