Dear Elsa Elsa,
I’m an Aries and a serial monogamist. I enter relationships with great enthusiasm only to leave with great enthusiasm, and the men that leave me are the ones I can’t get over. I’m not quite sure why things happen that way, or why I feel the way I do about things. While I really want love and to have someone close, I’m terrified of relationships. I’m always worrying or anxious about saying or doing the wrong thing, it seems. I build barriers and formulate emergency relationship back-up plans, leaving the “now” in disarray and ultimately annoying the object of my affection.
I’m with my new Taurus and he’s amazing. He’s dependable, he’s on time, he’s kind, considerate, and mature. He’s almost perfect, and it scares me to death. The only thing that bothers me is our difficulty in forming comfortable time and personal space boundaries. Otherwise, things are great. I don’t want to run this time, but I just feel so anxious and unsure.
Could you please give me some astrological insight as to why these thoughts and feelings keep plaguing me, how to cope with them, and how to better understand his needs? One of my doubts is the whole “we’re so different” excuse. Thank you so much!
Challenged in Relationships
Judging from your post, no one would guess you are nineteen years old. Your awareness and insight into your own behavior is nothing short of amazing so I am going to cast way out there because this is where I think your answers lie.
See, besides your Aries Sun, you have a Sagittarius Moon and you are always going to benefit by looking at the bigger picture. And right now you’re looking at your failure to sustain a relationship and responding by trying to nail this current one down, right now, this year.
And although I can appreciate the idea of “one step at a time” and the notion this is the next step, I don’t think it’s your best tack because it’s just too close in. As if you can nail this relationship and that’ll do it. Success! “I was nineteen and I landed this fish and that was that!”
But this is not how it works in real life. Relationships that last, travel. They morph. They go from this time to that time, through this era and on to the next. And it may be a stretch to see this when you are young. It’s obviously going to be hard to imagine a nineteen-year-long relationship when you’re nineteen years old. But I think you can do it and if you will it’ll help you. Because your chart is set up this way.
See, Sagittarius is on a journey through life. And you also have a Venus Saturn aspect in your chart which is where the fear (Saturn) around love (Venus) comes from. But if you can forget the minutiae and focus on the long term, I think this may relax you which is ultimately what you need to do to succeed.
In other words, quit focusing on your failures when you were 16 or 17 and instead, try to incorporate the fact that someday you will be 25 and 30 and 35. Changes everything, doesn’t it?
And this guy, if he is the right man… well today as in this one day is not all that critical in the scheme of things. Today is just one day of thousands that you will be relating to this man. And if you can start to think like this, you’ll stop invoking your fear and feelings of failure and consequently stop tripping over your own feet.
I advise you imagine a long a journey with a partner by your side and keep this up until it becomes a habit.
“…try to incorporate the fact that someday you will be 25 and 30 and 35. Changes everything, doesn’t it?”
Actually, yes it does! I guess I do have a hard time looking ahead and just letting things happen; it’s like I have to “ram” head-first into situations to fix things.
It really does help to think of this as a journey instead of a goal. Thanks a bunch, and I’ll have you know that I really do enjoy reading your blog. 🙂
I think you hit the nail on the head. I would only add that Venus-Saturn aspects can bring relationships that are “heavy,” or simply entail a lot of mutual responsibility. It depends on the strength or weakness of Saturn and/or Venus as to how well the person will handle it. The whole maturation process will be heavily tied to relationships, for sure.