I was wondering if you had any advice on how to deal with my Virgo ex-boyfriend. He was my first serious relationship, and keeps coming in and out of my life. I met him 4 years ago and we dated for one intense month.
Unfortunately, he let me give him my virginity before he decided to confess he was married (twice) and had 2 kids. He also gave me an STD I will have to live with for the rest of my life, and for which he tried to blame me. Nevertheless, he said he was getting separated from his second wife and even took me to meet his mother.
So he kept me hanging on for a year, calling every 5 weeks or so – sometimes drunk, sometimes not. He only saw me twice in that whole year. I never understood what I did wrong for him to not want to be with me, and I cried about it every day for a year (no joke).
Luckily, I met a wonderful Pisces after that year and have been with him since. But every six months or so, the Virgo would e-mail me. He would confess he still loved me, was so sorry for what he had done, and wanted me back. I told him I forgave him but I could not go back to him. Now, 4 years later, he’s e-mailing me every month to two weeks. He hasn’t been crossing the line, and has just chatted with me about what’s going on in our lives. I sense a huge loneliness and a lot of pain in him, and I would like to be his friend.
So my questions are: should I even try to be his friend? My Pisces says he doesn’t think the Virgo can be a good friend, and recommends cutting off communication with him before he becomes a stalker. Does the Virgo have ulterior motives? Am I doing him more harm than good by being so forgiving? I would really appreciate any thoughts, as I lost a lot of trust in my own instincts and feelings from my experience with the Virgo.
In Between Two Men
I doubt you’ll like this all that much, but I am trying to help you the only way I know how. First, this guy did not keep you hanging on for a year. You kept you hanging on for a year. Second, the Virgo’s motives are not what I would call “ulterior” – but yours are.
The Virgo is a drunken, self-centered, lying loser who feeds off anyone foolish enough to allow it. This is pretty straightforward. The Pisces is dialed in. And you?
Well you started out a victim when the Virgo lied about being married and gave you the STD, but you are now a willing participant. And if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to get caught and killed for sure and here’s what I mean by that:
The Virgo is a pure sink. What in the world can he possibly offer? Nothing. And if you engage with him, you will wind up leaning on the Pisces for support and sustenance, so you can continue to contribute energy to the black hole that is the Virgo. Is this fair? Probably not. And how long do you it can go on before tragedy, anyway? Before the Pisces dumps you, that is. And what’s the upside? There is no upside.
So look. The Virgo has problems and they’re his. But your problem is nearly as severe, in the fact you still want to tango with this guy after what he’s done to you… and never minding the fact you have a man in your bed already, one who walks and talks and cares and gives. So what to do?
Get a therapist. Ask them to help you figure out why you aren’t able to shut the door on such an obvious negative influence in your life. Because that is the question, and the rest of this is just chaos.