For the past several months, my husband (a Libra) has been having an affair with a woman he met at his former job. I have forgiven him and have tried to make it work, but he cannot or will not stop contact with her. He tells me he loves both of us and that he doesn’t want to lose me but that if it doesn’t work out with us, he wants to try with her.
My question is, how do I extricate myself from this situation? I have loved my husband for 17 years and it breaks my heart that this is how this is going to end. I do love this man very much and if there is a way I can keep my family together -we have a 12 year old daughter- then I want to find a way. But sharing him is not an option. If there is no way, then I would like your advice on the best way to get myself out of this situation. I will be eagerly awaiting your response.
I feel for you. This is about as clear as mud and your husband appears to have lost his mind. Here’s what I can tell you from astrology:
Your husband has five planets in Libra and apparently he really cannot decide. The funny part is that he’s not the one that is going to get to decide. Because he can’t decide, you are going to decide and it sounds as if you already have. You aren’t sharing him and I don’t blame you. So here’s the reality of the situation:
You husband is pinned to the pat. You can just imagine him tacked up on a dart board because that’s where he is. He’s impotent in the situation and his chart reflects this. Won’t or can’t, indeed. He is powerless and don’t you forget it.
You, on the other hand, are mobile. And it doesn’t matter if he is too disabled to figure out where the lines go and draw them; you are suffering no such impairment. And although I realize this is gross… I don’t think you have a choice but to send your husband to this other woman. Why? Because he won’t let her go! And that’s not okay with you, remember?
And I would also point out he is asking for this situation to occur. “If it doesn’t work out with you…” He is making sure it doesn’t work out with you by keeping the other woman in his life, wouldn’t you say? And can you stop that? You can’t. So it only leaves you this one option. Let him go try to “make it work” as he says. And you know what?
I bet it doesn’t work very well! Because your husband is generally very responsible as I am sure you know. And his daughter is going to be saying, “Hey dad, what the hell?” which is a very good question. So I think you’ve got a good chance to save your marriage but not unless you make a decision for him because remember? He can’t do it.
One more thing….
Your husband has no transits indicating divorce. He’s on the dartboard, remember? I’m not kidding about that. He is going nowhere. You on the other hand have all the energy. You are the one with the heavy duty transits and I’ll tell you what that means.
It means if you leave him, then he will be left – not the other way around. It means if he leaves you and goes to her, he will still be on the dart board. He will accomplish nothing, but you will be infused with energy.
I hope you get this and on the chance it helps let me spell it out one more time in the plainest language I know:
You – Hard on
Him – Flaccid
Please listen to Elsa. Astrology aside, your husband will no longer respect you if you don’t draw this line. Right now you do have the power – he knows he’s wrong. And as Elsa said, he’s already told you he’s not giving up the other woman. What choice do you have? My thought (based on advice from Homer McDonald author of “Stop your Divorce”) is if you step aside and say to him “Since you can’t decide, let me decide for you. I can not stay with you if you are seeing another woman. Since you will not give her up, I will help you pack your things so you can go live with her.” Then DO IT. Pack his things, not with anger but with firmness. Don’t argue with him about it. Don’t try to make him feel guilty – he will do that himself and he will not be able to blame you for it. After all, you gave him what he wanted, right? Let him think you just want him to be happy. Let him think you will be just fine without him. If there is any feeling in him towards you, and he says there is, he will be back with his tail between his legs begging you to take him back. You do have the power right now. Take control. Your husband will thank you for it someday.
Ugh, how awful for you! I’m so sorry, this must be really hard.
I hate to say it, but I agree with Elsa on what you have to do. It’s almost as though he knows what he wants, which is this other, husband-poaching woman, but doesn’t have the balls to make the move. So here you are saying, “Get rid of her or I’m leaving,” and he won’t tell either of you to go. He’s making you do the hard part, and I’m sure some of it has to do with wanting to be with this other woman, but not wanting to be the bad guy and leave his wife and child. Personally, I think it’s bad enough that he cheated and won’t send this woman away… To put you on the spot and make you make the call is even worse.
But that is what you’ve got to do… That he won’t send her away is outrageously insulting to you, your marriage, and your child. So you’ve got to be the tough one and leave him. I’m sorry.
Kathy, i agree with every thing you said, but to hell with her husband no longer respecting her… he already doesn’t, that’s clear from his behaviour. it’s more about self-respect at this point.
so draw out your boundaries, paint’em in bright, bold colours, and do it with repsect for yourself, respect for your daughter, and respect for the woman she will one day grow up to be.you are definately not the bad guy here…
Your daughter is at a perfect age to learn a very valuable lesson about how women allow themselves to be treated. That’s not the only reason to send him packing, but it’s something to think about…do you want your daughter to see that it’s okay for her future man to cheat, or do you want her to learn from you how to take a stand?
I was shocked to read this, I am having the exact same problems. I am so shattered I do not know if I should take the advice already given, or wait to see if there is any hope in my chart? Elsa I emailed you with my birth data I hope you will respond too.
oh honey, i’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
you mention that you’ve forgiven him, which is all very fine and well…except how can you forgive someone something they haven’t quit doing?
once you extricate yourself from this situation, you will be amazed and how quickly you start to fly higher. that energy has got to be weighing you down something fierce.
good luck! sending good vibes your way…
I have been in your shoes poor dear i told my husband to go to her.It took three days for him to finally go.He would not choose either he wanted both i could not live that.I had to almost force him to finally file i had a life too.She was pregnant when it was final he felt he should marry her.She was someone at work hunting a married man my first love.I will tell you seven years later i met a wonderful man my dream come true after i thought i was going to die durring the mess you are in i am so so sorry…So some good could come of this…
I can sympathize with your words. However, let me correct your English. If you are Aries, please don’t hate this advice. Do not say words such as “hurt”, “pain”, unless you have been physically punched, hit, beaten, cut, bruised, stabbed, or kicked. Instead, say words such as “confused”, “unhappy”, “sad”, “sorrow.” I also recommend to say “depressed” only if a doctor has said “depressed” to you about your case. Remember the story of the person who cried wolf! We are all human. There’s a song: “the first cut is the deepest, baby i know.”
P.S. Elsa, interesting analogy about hard-on and flaccid. When you do this for a living, you are really really good.
My Aries/ Pisces husband filed for divorce after 20 years because he is having an affair with a Scorpio married woman. I am a Aquarius/ Pisces . What kind of hold does she have on him?
(((Buffy))) It’s just terrible. I wonder what her husband thinks? Two of my married friends have been dumped by their husbands in the past few months. These men are making big mistakes and will be sorry when they wake up. Maybe she will stay with her husband and he will be left alone to deal with karma.