Scorpio Men Who Withhold Sex (Saturn in Scorpio)

“He would put out a lot of energy, sexually and he was getting sick of it. He had all this energy to offer, but he was getting older and he questioned it. He wasn’t sure he wanted to put so much out. Why give so much energy when no one knows what you’re doing for them anyway?”

I was talking about a specific Scorpio man I knew but this is broadly applicable. I have seen Scorpio get to a point in their life where they just didn’t want to service people in quite the same way… if at all.

I can relate to sentiment.

“Pearls before swine,” as my friend, (Scorpio) Ben used to put it. “I am going to keep my pearls…”

“Pull your horns in”, the AMF (Scorpio) would recommend.

This would be the “Scorpio withholding” you hear about but obviously there’s a reason for it.  You just don’t want to offer what you have to people who don’t understand.

I wrote this in 2009 but with Saturn transiting Scorpio, we’re going to see a lot of this. Potent energy, hard to come by.

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Scorpio Men Who Withhold Sex (Saturn in Scorpio) — 62 Comments

  1. Hmmm.

    I have Neptune in Scorp, aspecting to Neptune, Saturn, Mercury, Venus, and as usual, Pluto and Uranus.

    “You just don’t want to offer what you have to people who don’t get it.” I can completely relate to this in so many ways!!!

    The last three years of my marriage, there was NO SEX. Not his idea. Mine. I was servicing every aspect of his life, and that one…I could control whether he got it or not.

    I’m seeing the same thing right now at work as well. I used to half kill myself to make things *just* *so* for all the other workers and the boss. Now, I do what everyone else does (for the most part). I show up, I serve my customers, and I do what is required of me. I don’t work doubles anymore. I don’t tear apart the dish station and scrub the crannies with a toothbrush that I brought from home for that purpose.

    I do think the Neptune involvement is what keeps me doing it all for so long before I’ve had enough. A “Maybe it’s just me” kind of attitude. I’m learning!

  2. “You just don’t want to offer what you have to people who don’t get it”
    weird! you know, I do this. I learned from my first counselor when I was 15 that I needed to learn to talk to the “right people about the right thing” to feel safe. That’s how he put it. I really appreciate seeing this from an astrological standpoint, so thanks:)

  3. Ha! Totally relate to this! I spent years and years and years freely giving from my Scorpio self. This explains what’s going with me now post menopause.

    Hey thanks, Elsa!! 🙂

  4. It’s so true. My experience is that it’s like you are operating on another energy level that other people either GET right away (very few) or are completely unaware of. The thing is that this kind of energy…it has a darkness and it is so hard to control…it’s compulsive like an untamed animal. It scares people. But when you try to lock it up or make it into something else that it doesn’t want to be, it destroys YOU instead. I am still grappling with how to best use this energy in my life. It’s challenging.

    Scorpio rising, sun conjunct pluto, moon trine pluto, Neptune in Scorpio conjuct ascendant.

  5. “Pearls before swine,” …“I am going to keep my pearls…”
    Scorpio has also a transforming power. It can transform sexual energy into other form of energy especially ‘pearls’ of love…(not for swine anyway)

    This is a great challenge for me: Sun, Neptune, Ascendant and Mercury in Scorpio.

  6. “not for swine anyway..”

    so true.

    “You give them a pearl and they look at you like you’re swine. I am not swine. They are the swine! What do pigs know of pearls anyway?” said my friend, Ben on rant circa 1995.

    “Er…nothing?”

    “You go it. You got that right so I am keeping my pearls to myself from now on leave the swine to root around in the mud as if they’ll ever find a pearl in there. They don’t know a pearl when you put it right in their hand all cleaned up and polished yet they think they can find one on their own? Well we’ll just see about that…”

  7. uhoh once as a very young swine myself, a scorpio lover stated “I gave you a pillow and you turned it into a knife”. My justification was that I feeling smothered. sigh.

    • So true! Scorpio’s downfall! They”have” too possess. How wants all that? They sneak up on you then download all this stuff then feel they own you because you didn’t respond in kind. Who asked for it to begin with. Air types can’t breath with all goo. For some it’s too much an that doesn’t mean they are shallow.

  8. Word. And it doesn’t just happen sexually, it happens in all areas of life. You give and people don’t even begin to understand what they’re getting. Or, in some cases, they do and they want to control it, to hoard it, to harness it for themselves. Better to give judiciously. Scorpio rising, Neptune nearby enough, and Saturn in the 8th.

  9. My sun is in Scorpio, as well as merc, venus, and neptune. i couldn’t agree more. but it goes well beyond sex. and it has been happening cumulatively now for about 4 years. so has the invisibility.

  10. This is why I’m currently not trying to dialogue with two of my siblings (and, they’re each members of some-sorta-pure-think ideologies – one religious, the other psychology… “everyone should be in therapy” What total crap. Yet, they get air time. :gag:

    My hope is that more & more people will be cluing in that the (gagifying) ideas put forth, in these last years, are garbage. Fit for composting (and so, useful, in that way).

    I hope.

    🙂
    Poppy

  11. Totally get this. It’s because you put so much out and get so little back in comparison. You keep doing that and then realize you’re depleted. Then you stop and people get pissed. But — at least you got some energy back.

  12. I think it when they don’t know what you are doing for them – don’t realize you are sustaining them and healing them with your energy.

    With Saturn in Scorpio, there is going to be less energy available and I think we’ll see people pulling their horns in big time. There will be STRUCTURE to energy exchange.

  13. I have Scorp and pearls before swine is a HUGE thing with me. I totally get this. And further, true about getting to a point- I have wondered why I changed. I wasn’t always this way.

    Pluto transiting my 4th moved it along, I think.

    My feeling is, give to people who need it and want it. Yes, others will take it if it’s “free”, but that’s a waste of energy. There’s a limit to what you can give and it should go to a “good cause”, so to speak.

    Amen, Ben, fellow Scorp. Hugs to you, wherever you are!

  14. I’m on the receiving end of a Scorpio pulling their horns in, and have been for a while. It’s a funny thing, really, because I feel like he sucks the life out of me, and not vice versa. There is a perpetual exhaustion in trying to make him happy and trying to fill the shoes of a person who “gets it”. I have always been on the receiving end of emotional bloodsucking, and I’m often the one left broken in a heap in the aftermath. In fact, I’ve done my best to life a life of giving, and not taking. I guess that has ultimately been a detriment.

    I only have Scorpio in Pluto, and I may have no concept of the energy, at all, but then why the hell is my life consumed by so many Scorpios? If I’m so draining, and unworthy of having pearls cast forth unto me, why are most of the people I am very close to, extremely Scorpionic?

    Perhaps I don’t get it, but from my standpoint, I’ve done nothing to steal from anyone. I might get lambasted for this, but my perspective is that people more readily put their neck out on the chopping block all the time. Perhaps the rest of us don’t exude this energy worth being consumed, but it’s no less generous or worthy. This leads me to believe in an internal selfishness. The closed off nature, the mind games, the bullshit. If you follow what most religions tend to say about compassion, giving selflessly, etc… It’s definitely not got all the baggage attached to it that dealing with Scorpio energy has. I’m being bitter, for sure, but it’s such a zero sum game sometimes. I love the Scorpios in my life, but they tear me to shreds.

    • Thank you orchidorchid. Perfect. Perfect.All signs give off energies. Scorpio is one type, Leo another, Aries another. I am a Virgo and all my life I gave and gave freely out of love. Even more than Scorpio, Virgos are more underestimated, undervalued and mostly overlooked than their karmic cousins. We dont have the luxury of pulling in.Giving and serving is our energy. I smile when I see Scorpios throw their hands up and say they are underappreciated and why bother.Welcome to our world cousin.
      Like you said, sometimes Scorpios carry the dark energy too far.to the point of becoming vampires. They dont mean to most of the time, but when they leave scorched earth in their wake they somehow think people somehow deserve the pain.no one does and its no ones job to give it to them. If more people were mindful about this there would be less broken people in the world. But less spiritually strong ones too….

  15. I love AMF’s ‘pull your horns in.’ Ever since I heard it I say it to myself all the time.

    My partner is a Moon/ASC in Scorpio and spent years and years single. He’s explained his reasons and they make sense (to both of us). Why bleed out, indeed. I love Scorpio. <3

  16. @ orchidorchid
    I can relate to your feelings and until I learned after many years not to be subject to the “tear me to shreds” projection I was defeated. For me, my Scorpio placed his pain upon someone who could handle it. I still can, but I let him know it’s counterproductive and if we are constantly tranformning our relationship to grow, let’s work it through a more effective, spiritual path. Many years, many tears, and a lot of “do overs”.

    It is what it is.

  17. I am feeling that way about a lot of things. Friendships that aren’t fruitful that I put a lot of my Scorpio energy into, work, and relationships.
    Just not worth the energy if you don’t have equality to back it up.

  18. Chili- good advice. Every guy I’ve dated had Scorpio ruling their chart, and there was always that dynamic. I’ve been the receptacle for bad feelings, pain, frustration, anger. I can bear a lot; it’s in my ability to shoulder these things, and still appear cheerful. But, it all goes somewhere. It doesn’t just disappear. I don’t jump on grenades, really. But, I don’t redirect this energy elsewhere, either. After reading your words, I acknowledge that I am responsible for how I feel at the end of the day. I just don’t know that the characterization of Scorpio as this selfless giver sans-martyrdom is entirely accurate.
    Sure, they’ve got a lot to offer. I thrive in a space with that heavy energy. This much is true. But, energy is neither created, nor destroyed- it is a universal basic which I feel is also applicable in an esoteric sense. The Scorpios have to get it from somewhere.

  19. I don’t give more than I am willing to lose. When I do give it is from a more pure place. More from a place of love an acceptance and less from a place of ego gratification. I tell myself a lot: give without being attached to the outcome. I think this is a big part of the Scorpio journey. We have to learn to value our own energy. Sun conjunct Pluto on the midheaven, four plants in Scorpio. This post spoke to me.

  20. I’m seeing this played out in my own life right now. I attributed it to my age, but perhaps its more than that. I am just tired Elsa, tired of giving and it not being appreciated or even acknowledged in some cases, tired of being projected on, tired of the people in my life thinking they have me all figured out in a neat little bundle when they are just clueless.

  21. I don’t think Elsa’s talking about “selfless giver.” It’s just that heavy Pluto people are like phone chargers, they have so much energy — so much…what’s another word — electricity; heat, stuff you can run on emotionally and creatively (and sexually) they offer naturally in their relationships in love and friendship.

    You have to be careful though. People *will* take it and give nothing back. They won’t realize what they’re being offered. And sometimes even the Scorpio won’t realize what they offer. I have a Scorpio cousin who’s an extreme introvert — he turned that way over fifty years. I saw what he had but no one in his family did. He stopped getting energy back, so he stopped giving it — not maliciously, he just thought people didn’t want it.

    He wandered into an architect’s office a couple years ago and now makes over a hundred thousand dollars a year designing airports and hangars and massive storage facilities.

    How did he get that job? No clue. How does he know how to design those things? Self taught.

    When he drifts off or gets his feelings hurt, boy are they going to feel the loss.

  22. Saturn going through Libra (my 12th house) has already been helping me to be more selective where I put my energy.

    What I find interesting is observing those that I have chosen to no longer invest my energy that didn’t have a clue how much they would miss it until it wasn’t there for them anymore.

  23. This is bang on for a lot of my relationship issues. It has been a huge part of why I have very few close friends. It was basically having to deal with people taking and not reciprocating growing up. And yes I was drained like the rest of us. No wonder I love my own conmpany, not as much oscillation when you are on your own. Energy and its use/misuse is a very important issue in my life(mars/saturn scorpio)first house where I also have my (moon/pluto in libra a few degrees from the ascendant.) Half the time I wont even make an effort to be around others, half the time its my concious effort to not have my energy drained. I can say for sure though, that the people who do understand are those who also have the energy/power and it tends to bounce back and forth in the right way.

  24. What does “putting alot of sexual energy out” look like?

    Sometimes it seems as if a person is pushing their energy into my space. But that can’t be it, cuz that feels slimy.

    If it’s just having focussed energy, that I get. Straight ahead. I’m just not sure.

  25. I have saturn scorpio and have been going thru this lately. Gonna follow JulianWinter’s suggestion and hunt upstream.

  26. I share the sentiments of many Scorpios up here. I’m just plain exhausted with freely giving to anyone and everyone. I think that Saturn in Libra has taught me a lot about my relationships with people, and I’m learning better boundaries. The good news is that as I’ve pulled back from so much random generosity — particularly in the emotional support realm, I’ve had more and better energy to devote to the people I really care about and who care about me as well.

  27. We’ve got a Scorpio in the family who’s withdrawn 99% of his energy from the outside world already; I hope this transit does not further deplete him. It may be his choice, but he is not happy with it.

  28. First off: Send them Downstream; not Up….as you’ll have to watch them float by again someday…downstream is best…never to have to see them again.

    Maybe it is Saturn that controls that proverbial Scorpio “switch’ that says either “100% or nothing”…that seems to be ‘downstream’ thinking.

    So it is Saturn that created this solitude??

  29. Agree with you Elsa:
    as a Scorpio I’m dealing with this issue in my current relationships and pulling back big time. I’m realizing that it makes no sense to give something precious and not have it appreciated or returned…This really hit home

    @eva: great response–what you’ve said sums it up.

  30. Oh my!
    I’m one of many fully “getting this post”.

    Saturn in Saggi here but have been pulling back the energy for about a year now – allowing the darling wee pigs to hunt n snort elsewhere for their goodies.

    Pulling the energy back, not a bad idea regardless.

    Easy to use it cos you can, rather than if it’s truly needed that way or recognized. I’m keeping it for me right now.

  31. Sun, Mercruy and Venus in Scorpio.

    This post more-than resonated with me. It is exactly the theme i am grappling with right now.

    I know my worth and am validated by the love and respect of my family and friends but somehow haven’t really cracked it in an intimate relationship…..oh sure, I’ve had plenty but still haven’t found someone who ‘gets me’ emotionally.

    In fact, my ex-husband used a phrase about me which shows he was running on my energy i.e. when i’m with you i feel like i’m running on electricity #too corny i know

    So what’s a Scorp to do? Carry on sifting through the riff-raff or shut down and only invest in the people who already get your ‘shine’ and treat it well?

    As a fellow Scorp used to say to me “Don’t waste the pretty”.

  32. Yes. Have been doing this for a while now. It’s going to hit my South node and saturn return soon enough.

    A few heavy scorp folks have amputated, withheld or pushed back, out of pride, but I’m not sure they see the full ramifications just yet. We’ll see in a few years. Saturn can be overly restrictive also when the energy needs to be shared to keep things alive. Focus is fine, but too much selfishness bites everyone in the a$$ too. Working on that for now.

  33. From Elsa: “I think it when they don’t know what you are doing for them – don’t realize you are sustaining them and healing them with your energy.”

    From Carrie: “What I find interesting is observing those that I have chosen to no longer invest my energy that didn’t have a clue how much they would miss it until it wasn’t there for them anymore.”

    This, exactly, has been my experience. It’s also why people try to come back after I’ve shut them off — they finally see just how much energy I put under them that they took for granted before!

    At the risk of sounding vain, I’ll admit that I’m curious to see if I’m still going to be an authority figure for Saturn in Scorp like I have been during Saturn in Libra. Cheeze knows I’ve got plenty to say when it comes to Pluto issues! 😉

  34. I can relate to this. I’ve cut off people who have drained the ever-loving shit-out-of-me listening to their “problems” like a free therapist. As if i’ve never had a problem in my life. (?) Cut them out like cancer. They just didn’t get it that the world didn’t revolve around *them*. And these were people who didn’t seem to have *any* real friends. “You’re the *only one* that…”

    Give me a break…..

    i have felt much happier ever since and sad, at the same time…it’s sad when you can see that some people have nothing to offer….. Atleast i’m glad i can see it now. Saturn was transiting my 1st house.

    Don’t know what you got ’till it’s gone.

  35. Astrology correction 🙂 Saturn return. 2nd house. No value for swine. 🙂

    ETA: i notice when SaD is not around too.

  36. I have decided to no longer cast my pearls before swine (Scorpio Stellium, 4 planets) any more. Saturn in Libra taught me a lot about boundaries and what I will and won’t except from people. Making a silk purse from a pig’s ear is no longer my responsibility. I agree with Ben… “You give them a pearl and they look at you like you’re swine. I am not swine. They are the swine! What do pigs know of pearls anyway?”. So true, they know nothing then wonder why they’re floundering and treat it as though you’re the one who bought them the pain in the first place. Honestly…

  37. Im a scorp too (four planets) and I relate with this. There have been situations where i feel like I wasted my effort and thats not just in pleasing people but in getting things done or getting things to work. as for making people happy I’ve ditched that.
    I have to admit I am selfish sometimes. And i have used people’s energy and not given back

    As a matter of fact ive been witholding all along! its only now that i want to give out energy to people especially sexually (if you dont mind me saying so!)

    Bad timing???

  38. We already see this with the MGTOW/MRA/meninist and Japanese herbivore men movements… Your timing was spot on

  39. You get tired of being real and intimate with people who aren’t sharing real parts of themselves, or who already don’t like you. It’s taxing and eventually the walls go up. It isn’t worth it to take risk and be exposed over and over again with a person who has proven overtime that they aren’t to be trusted.

    The sad thing is when I find myself steeling against the actions of organizations and companies that may have people who aren’t being genuine with me, especially when I begin to generalize my “walls” because of only some people associated with them. I do feel responsible to consider and reconsider my biases however… but it does get tiring.

    I don’t think swathing a whole deck of people is helping me to love more though. And I don’t like it when I see myself becoming bitter like that. It defeats my greatest belief in humanity and purpose. It sucks to live in a world without a connected purpose. So as a Scorpio, I think it’s important that I check myself and offer only what has been equally earned, with time, equal or freely practiced generosity and forthrightness.

  40. Be the change I want to see in this world. – what happened to this… sigh. We can do better folks.

    Recognize societal limits for providing a “good life”. Stop finger pointing or dumping myself –or others — into the trash just to make myself feel better or make someone else feel better, but be responsible and improve upon for my own actions, while asking people to be responsible for theirs. Accepting that imperfection is part of the game, but how we react to it is even more important.

  41. Wow Elsa, I have Saturn in Scorpio in house two Libra!! You give me things to think over, again! (smile). I know how positive you are about Scorpio and Mars. I am almost 63 now and I experienced the hippie era. Complete! But without any kind drugs. The flow was “freedom”, for sexuality as well. But there is only one man in my life I really loved and an another man with who I have a great sexual relationship. (smile again). To think about these things while we have a New Moon in Leo (my generation has Pluto in Leo)! 🙂

    • I mean: not only house two Libra, Scorpio is there as well. The cusp is Libra, and after that it covers also scorpio.

  42. @Primrose….. You beat me to it (MGTOW).

    A few of the “older” vets in my American Legion post just don’t understand why I’m alone after all these years (divorce). I stopped explaining it, since we have different viewpoints. Military taught me to be self-sufficient, especially after many years until retirement. Most of these guys…. served in war zones and then got out. Then there’s the “I’m very picky, but the Ladies are more picky” on the dating websites. So it’s *meh*…. I can live alone. Alone is preferable…. compared to some of the lives I see “married folk” live.

  43. Wow….this is very powerful.
    I have put much energy into the beginnings of a business but I’m tired of having to rehash over research that the other people I’m working with should know, as if I’m the person in the class assignment who everyone just copies their notes and answers from.
    My gut tells me to evacuate and do something for MYSELF! Even my father says the same, and he never ever gives much of an opinion.

  44. Since scorpio empowers, natal Saturn in scorpio had a lot to teach me about that. Who to empower, who and what to put energy into. I’ve created a number of monsters on the way. Goes to their head. Abuse of power. And I am sure it was no favor as I knew they would get bat down sooner or later.

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