To get right to the point, I am completely consumed with worry.
This have been going on since I was a kid. And when I say that worry consumes me, I mean just that; it literally eats me alive. Monday, I’m convinced I am having a heart attack; Tuesday, I have AIDS; Wednesday, my husband is ten minutes late and MUST be dead in a ditch; Thursday, I am convinced my daughter’s twitches in her sleep are some kind of epileptic disorder; Friday, I am terrified I will get a call my mother has killed herself in an accident, Saturday, I’m sure my son is acquiring an anxiety problem of his own because he was nervous about something and it is my fault; Sunday, I am convinced my husband will leave me because I have gained so much weight, not to mention that I’m insane.
And in the hours in between the days, I worry about everything: from the detergent I use to the war in Iraq. I am just completely ridiculous with it. To the point where I experience panic attacks, which if you have ever had one, are terrifying experiences. (They feel like heart attacks.)
Sorry for the lengthy examples, I just wanted to clarify what this worry does—it kills me. It steals every happy moment away. It takes away my drive, my ambition, my sense of adventure, my ability to relax, my ability to have fun. I’m aware of it, and I cannot seem to stop it, nor control it.
I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety/Panic Disorder, but I do not have the money to see anyone professionally. I do not foresee any money coming into my future anytime soon; we have been having a rough go of it, as a young family.
All of this isn’t fair to my husband, who is supportive, loving, and strong. It isn’t fair to my bright and beautiful kids, in a myriad of ways. Is there any advice you can offer, as someone objective? Is there anything my chart signifies as a trigger? Anywhere I should start digging for my answers until I am able to get help? Any advice is GREATLY and sincerely appreciated.
Worried to Death
You are not “crazy”. You have a mental illness like any other illness and further it happens to be utterly and completely treatable. I appreciate your financial situation, however you are ill and absolutely must seek treatment. I doubt it needs to be long term.
What you are describing can be easily and effectively treated with medication that will alleviate if not eliminate your symptoms and many of the meditations available to treat this sort of thing are affordable. With proper treatment, you can have a completely different life and without it, you are going to be screwed; so what do you think you’d better do about this?
Your best option is to see a psychiatrist and if you have to get on some long waiting list to see someone cheaply, then o it. Or see a family doctor, or go to a clinic… do whatever you have to do to take care of your health because this is what this is. You have a medical condition!!
And Saturn (take responsibility) is transiting your 6th house (health), so you get the picture. Saturn transits always pressure us to clutch it up and solve our problems, so make the call, okay? You and your family deserve it and the universe will always support the right action.
Much love and good luck.