Saturn: What Is The Nature Of Your Fear?

I wrote in the forum:

“…I walked away from my childhood home when I was 15 years old, wearing a sundress and a pair of rubber sandals that cost 33 cents (3 for $1). I did not have a dime…or a purse for that matter. I left on impulse, too. No planning, not a stitch.

I literally wanted to go and three minutes later I left. I KNEW I would make it. I had a back up plan (die) but I really knew I would be able to pull it off and I did…”

Reading this, it seems I am quite fearless. This is true to a large extent. I have no fear of dying whatsoever. I haven’t since I was very young. Consequently when I walked away that day, I did not feel afraid, I felt thrilled. I felt exhilarated. I was off to have a challenge.

But then I realized there are all kinds of nebulous things (and people) I am afraid of. For example, if you are a vicious type, you concern to me to no end. When I considered this, I realized by fear is described by the Saturn Neptune signature in my chart.

Neptune often displays an alarming lack of judgment. Do you know when I left that day, I walked right out to the highway in the middle of the desert, stuck my thumb out and promptly got into a car with five men and not a concern in the world?  My faith (Neptune) in what I was doing was solid (Saturn). I felt as if I was acting in concert with God; doing the right thing, so of course everything was going to be okay. Fear (Saturn) was erased (Neptune). It was simply non-existent.

On other days I might be completely undermined (Neptune) by fear (Saturn) and the fears are almost always baseless which would be the hall of mirrors effect.  Supported by nothing and undone by same.

At this age I have an advanced understanding of the phenomena and a myriad of ways of coping or compensating. I thought was something worth bringing up as Saturn leaves Virgo. Thinking about fear!

You can be scared into submission for example, frozen by fear.  But you can also be reckless and wind up dead in a split second.

What is the nature of your fear? Where is Saturn in your chart?

pictured – that is me, jumping from a cliff. Thrilled, of course.

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Comments

Saturn: What Is The Nature Of Your Fear? — 51 Comments

  1. Great back up plan, LOL!

    I don’t think I’m afraid of death either even though I have Saturn in the 8th. I’ve been told by an astrologer that yes, I Am afraid of death, but it is unconcious – however that made no sense to me. I still Feel that that is one of the fears that really I Do Not have!

    And, I know this seems cruel (Saturn square Pluto), but in my opinion if you are old and have lived a long life – you are a coward if you fear death.

    Regarding my fears: I do suffer from a fear of change.

  2. Saturn Rx in Aquarius in the 6th. I am constantly working to transcend my fear that my life may never match my vision for it; no matter how many compromises I make to that vision. The first time I had my chart done, I was told that placement had me losing use of one or both of my legs through injuries; and that was uncannily true in my past.

    So I would say that it affects my independence through both instances; my idea of how I want to live, and my mobility — but I find the ‘life’ one to be the most persistent limitation. Fortunately, I always heal from my injuries and walk again; but I keep running into insurmountable obstacles to total independence. Grrrr.

  3. So is mine, in the fifth. It just occurred to me that I am terrified of my quirky creativity. Time to let my freak flag fly methinks.

  4. Saturn in Virgo, conjunct moon in the 1st.

    I fear that if I do not rigidly control my emotions (particularly my anger), my immediate environment will be chaos, and people will get hurt.

    I fear not having adequate health care, or access to health care. I have had both for all my life, but I know things can change in an instant. I have a chronic medical condition and my survival depends on having adequate health care.

    I have identified my most basic fear as being wrong – not like wrong in an argument, I’ve gotten over that (thankfully) – just fundamentally wrong in my concepts of life, living, existing, and I’m just driving my life off a broken bridge. This is a mostly irrational fear, but it’s there.

  5. Hmmm…. tough one to answer for me:
    Saturn’s in Libra – afraid of being alone
    Saturn in 12th house – psychological fears?
    Saturn conjunct Mars, Saturn conjunct Pluto; Pluto in turn conjunct Jupiter; Jupiter in turn conjunct Ascendant……
    Which is where it gets confusing.

  6. Wow I can really relate to this Elsa. You sound so similar to me at that age. When I turned 16 I bought a one way plane ticket, and traveled 3000 miles cross country with $20, no friends, no where to go. No plan at all, but at least I had packed clothes. Too many actually as I ended up having to leave most of them along the journey though as I couldn’t carry them – too heavy, lol! Somehow I survived out there for 3 years or so before moving back to where I’m from. Not “home” as in back to the family, fully emancipated at 16 and living on my own since then.

    I remember being on the plane thinking “wtf am I doing and where the hell am I going to go?”. Felt like a leaf just blown off the palm of “god” by a big sneeze.

    Guess I was crazy, & fearless too. I knew I’d make it and yeah, my backup plan was “die” cause I sure wasn’t turning back at that point.

    Wonder if there is something similar in our charts that accounts for this? I have Saturn in Aries in the 2nd, pretty sure you have it in Cappy. We both have that crazy Neptune in Scorpio on the MC though…

  7. Saturn (aquarius,11th) squares Nepturn (Scorpio, 7th)… some my fears are in social/relationships arenas and I deal with them conscious realizing it is all an illusion, staying grounded with my Virgo moon and Capricorn Mercury. Drugs and alcohol are not for me.
    With sun (sag, 9th) square moon (virgo, 6th)… i analyze and debate all the fears too, though I am a free spirit with my sag sun, aries rising, Mars in Leo (5th). ha.

  8. Fear of losing security (10th house Saturn, square moon and venus, trine Neptune and Mercury), ending up homeless. Also, fear of being a target for hate.

  9. Great question. Saturn in Cancer in the 10th. Fear of losing control! Saturn is also the focal point of a T-square in my chart.

  10. I’m pretty fearless when it comes to ‘myself’… Have also thrown caution to the wind and felt confident that all would work out, and mostly it has. – Saturn is in my 3rd (Aquarius), and the way I see how it manifests, is the fear of getting ‘to close’ to my friends. Most of my relationships with friends is very one-sided and the result of that has left me lonely and unsupported. I’ve been working hard to overcome this by lifting boundries and opening myself up more than I ever have- and yes, I have feelings of anxiousness and fear- asking myself, Will they betray me? Will they understand me?

  11. My chart has saturn in sag in the 11th house squaring jupiter in pisces. I’m saturn ruled, but the one square is its only aspect.
    I fear groups of people. I fear snakes above all things, both literal and metaphorical. I fear betrayal, especially by friends. I fear getting too much attention, especially from a crowd. I frequently fear for my sanity. Also, terrified of shipwrecks … as a baby I dreamt often of peril at sea and being lost in water.

    My jupiter is well aspected save this square. I’m “blessed” but not “lucky”. In my life, nothing is free although there’s plenty to earn.

  12. Saturn in Sag. I think that means fear of a lack of freedom. So true. I’ve done some crazy things when I felt reigned in.

  13. Sun/Saturn/Ascendant mashed up in 1H Gemini.

    I will never be good enough, and some day everyone is going to see through my charming facade and realize I am worthless.

    The flip side? Sun/Saturn – I have ego, baby, and I’ve EARNED it. *laughing*

  14. Love the photo! Wheeeeee! I relate I got a 1 way tck. away from home as a teen. I had 100% confidence that not remaining in the situation I was leaving behind me was priceless! This confidence wiped off any confusion, doubts or anxieties on par with a Saturn-Neptune T square (tight with Mercury, wider with the Sun.)

    My fears today… are usually unwarranted but when I feel them I’m convinced that they are quite real… they often stem from past events where I was powerless. Part of it is a fear of lost years (which could only be my own doing at this point in time!)

    Ultimately when I die today, I don’t want to be wishing I had enjoyed the journey more. Saturn in the 5th.

  15. I just realized I have a bit of saturn in my chart…I think.

    2 house saturn in Leo

    7th house no signs, but ruled by Capricorn

    8th house has Aquarius

    So I am just fearful all the way around?

  16. Saturn in the 9th (or tenth, as some chart generators have shown), in Scorpio.

    I fear that I am never good enough at my craft (ie. career, hobbies, sometimes even with basic judgement calls). This feeling of incompetence somehow finds a way into my daily life, often helping me procrastinate. Which of course perpetuates the feeling of incompetence + now guilt 😛

    However the guilt could just be familial conditioning…ahh whatever. But other than that, Id say Im actually a pretty fearless. My moon in Aries may help with that.

  17. To add to what i wrote above: I believe my feeling of incompetence stems from this conviction I have that I “never know enough”, which is of course, impossible.

    🙂

  18. Saturn in Sag in the first…I am freedom schizoid…I want freedom for myself, but I also fear being left alone…I also don’t like when people come on too strong with their opinions. I want to run!

  19. My fear is that people will never learn to use the words to, too, and two properly and the difference between reign and rein.

    Virgoan enough fer ye?

  20. saturn in taurus in midheaven
    mercury sqaure saturn
    venus sextile saturn

    I’m afraid of rejection, I’m rejected a lot so you would think I’m used to it. I’m not.
    Probabely I fear myself ( as in ‘my greatness’) the most…

  21. Capricorn moon getting ready to be squeezed by Pluto, my Saturn 8th house scorpio, I am afraid of what is coming next, want to be prepared for the worst cause I am afraid I aint gonna be good enough or make and it will kill me. I ain’t afraid of being dead, I am afraid of dying. If I could just wake up dead one day that’s alright by me.

  22. this is too good a question to be dealt with lightly, so I shall give it some deep thought ( Saturn in Libra conjunct Neptune in 8th) and thank you for shining a torch, and for sharing a story that just feels so uplifting somehow..thank you!

  23. I think this is a great question that should be linked to the Boards!

    Saturn in the 7th so of course I am terrified of relationships – of being swallowed up by them or being controlled by someone, not being free to pursue what I want. Responsibility and weight of relationships…

  24. My Saturn sits on my Ascendant which is in Virgo in the First House, and it’s also conjunct my Mercury. I have some great ideas, but have the fear that I’m not smart enough, good enough, thin enough, or confident enough “to pull it off”.

  25. I probably have a lot of the same fears as other people. Fear of ending up alone, fear of death–I chase that around in my head like a dog chases it’s tail and I just can’t sort it out.

    I’ve had a certain fear for a long time…you know when you’re watching a movie and maybe it shows a young girl having fun enjoying life (or whatever) and your just getting comfy watching it and trying to figure things out, when all of a sudden they fast forward 70 years and that young girl is an old woman looking back on her life?

    That’s what I fear. I feel like I’m in a race trying to capture my life before it slips away. If you boiled it down, I guess I want to feel like I’ve made a difference, and that I’ve had some enjoyment out of it.

    Saturn in Virgo in the 7th.

  26. I just had to come back to this because I have been thinking about it all day. I even asked my brother this question last week as he is struggling to rebuild his life too. I said I was afraid of failure, but the more I thought about it I think I am afraid of success, not of achieving it, but keeping it once I find it. It’s complicated and part of a self fullfiling prophecy, I am afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I am afraid to move out of the old neighborhood.

  27. Dear Elsa, actually this post is in response to your earlier blog on Lessons learnt from Saturn Transit through Virgo. I am a Virgo rising with no planets in it but 2009 has been really tough for me. However, I would like to share something else here. In 2009 January, I watched a movie called “Hell Ride” starring Larry Bishop, Michael Madsen & Eric Balfour. In the movie, at two different occassions, Larry Bishop yells at Michael Madsen “Shut the fuck up!” The way he has delivered this line was very funny and impressive and I was pretty amused with it. I even tried to imitate him. Later on, during the last 1.5 years, there were numerous occassions when keeping quiet worked to my enormous advantage. Now I have realized that the line I was so impressed with was no joke. Saturn, in a very funny but effective way was trying to teach me a very valuable lesson! To sum it up, my lesson from Saturn transit through Virgo is “Shut the fuck up!” That’s about it, just felt like sharing with you. Regards, Animesh

  28. been thinking about this since last night and feel like I am in therapy, as I am struggling to answer, which is why it feels like a superb question. You are awesome guys for sharing this, but I am seriously struggling to honestly admit my fears out loud on a post, but it’s so good to read how you all feel and you’re being open so I want to be, too.
    Saturn in Libra 8th conjunct Neptune = afraid that I will lose my husband, or die like my mum did, she was diagnosed at my first Saturn return, then my husband had heart trouble just after she died. Yep losing the people who are my rocks. I can provide for myself, I can do many things, but that warm emotional support from my husband is like oxygen to me, and I’d hate for him to suffer my loss either. We both always say we have to go together havng wild sex in our 80’s. So far so good.

  29. I have a fear of self-assertion (Saturn, 6th house in Virgo/opposite Mars) which leads to a whole lot of dissatisfaction/disappointment in relationships. 🙁

  30. Saturn in Leo, in the 4th.

    I’m scared of security, on some level. This is a major epiphany. Woah. I now know why I’m always late with rent and have been jumping around so much. Wooooah.

    I’m also scared of the knowledge that I’m basically a star (the Leonine aspect). I’ve been told so, so many times that I’m going to be famous in astrology and tarot readings (and no, they weren’t silly, cheesy readers. LOL). When I just wanted to go clubbing, I ended up as one of the centerpieces of my scene. When I was singing, I ended up being the best and the star. I didn’t even try. But…it scares the piss out of me, so I run away, sabotage it, and hide.

    Back to the home thing…I actually am afraid of even living with, or being near, people that I love in a home environment. I’m scared that I’ll screw it up deeply, and that they’ll hate me. Very sad for a Taurus, that.

    Sh*t just got real. Wow…LOL.

  31. Elsa, you suggested I look up Saturn Neptune -posts. This reminded me of few years ago when I sold and gave away almost everything I owned and moved to another country. I had money to support myself for 2-3 weeks and no job or friends where I was moving. But I was not least bit afraid of failure. I had such blind faith in my survival that I managed to make everyone else believe in it too, regardless of my crippling fear of people and social situations (fearless and completely baseless fears at the same time). Neptune and Saturn were in opposition at the time, both squaring my natal Saturn.

    As for Saturn and fear: 2nd house. I’m afraid of security, of not being talented, of not being valued, and currently also afraid of being poor.

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