Keep in mind the constant time warp that exists around here courtesy my Saturn Neptune-ness because I made that call to the school on Monday even though it says “yesterday”.
So it was Monday I was fairly jacked up and last night I outlined the reason why to the soldier. I told him what I told you. I explained the mechanics of that call and how I should have been able to avoid the pit(fall) but did not.
He thought I should forgive myself the error right away (I had) and on the concept of there being things average people prefer not to have in their psyches, well he could certainly relate to that. “That’s why I don’t talk to people, P. I never say a damned thing.”
Now oddly enough I don’t say a damned thing either about all kinds of things which seems odd considering I broadcast night and day. I think the difference between me and him, is I am meant to push this edge. I am meant to push people into their “un-comfort zone”, a term my friend, Ben coined years ago. So really what happened there was a fumble. I should have flirted with something rather than slam-dunked. ::smiles::
Ah well, live and learn. It’s like all those hard core posts I have in draft. Can you fluff that up a little there, Libra!
I never seem to stray far from my bartender roots. Going to serve you something that will kick you ass, however here’s a smile and would you like an umbrella with that? 😉
Snapdragon – yes, that is it exactly. Damned fool I was. That’s why it’s a Saturn in Virgo thing – er… slow the fuck down with your communication!
(I hate Saturn in Virgo, she says no PC-ly)
But with Mars on Mercury, come on! I don’t wanna slow down and learn it and if I have to can it please be fast and if I do screw up, then I want to kick my own ass!
Elsa, the last little while I have noticed something that happens to me, and maybe it’s kind of what just happened to you.
I get this idea to do something – like send an email, tell a joke, whatever. Sometimes it seems like all sorts of obstacles are thrown in my way to prevent me from going through with it. I have found that if I persist, and go ahead – it’s a total flop. Now if I start to get a bunch of resistance – I just let it go, and assume that I’m just not supposed to do it. Go with my gut.
Anyway I don’t know if you can relate, but this has been my experience lately so I thought I’d share.
I just went through something like this. Damn. Why are your posts so timely? It’s like you are my frickin’ doppleganger. I decided to push the envelope and do something uncharacteristic. It – and my self-confidence flopped BIG TIME. It happened a month ago and I am still burning up with humiliation over it. Like 10 times a day I think of it and want to disappear.
Now how to get rid of this self-defeating mindjunk so I can do something similar again? My Saturn in Aries says I must keep doing this stuff until it doesn’t matter anymore.