The Freak Car, Off In The Ditch

freak crazy carWhen I was 15 years old I got to town from the desert with the goal of having a life.  With Mars conjunct Mercury, I think in terms of cars quite a bit. I had taught myself to drive when I was 10 and my idea at that time was that I had to merge with traffic.  I saw all of you (town people) as cars as well and I was just going to cut in an outside lane and be on my way, blending in.

I managed to do this to an extent.  I got a job, found a place to live, started to file taxes, opened a bank account and all the normal things.  The problem is my start in life was so unusual,  I am wired differently than everyone beneath the hood.  There are times this causes a lot of trouble and grave pain… like now.

On the merging idea, I’ve repeated the feat many times in my life and helped others to do the same.  I stand as proof that you can be on the outside of something and get in it if you have the desire and are willing to make an effort.

I am the process of merging into two streams of life and the moment and it’s a tricky thing to take on. I am honest by my nature but when you’re trying to blend in with a group I’ve got to read them, absorb them and see how I can join them while still maintaining  my integrity which I would never sacrifice.

One of my attempts to merge is going well and smoothly but on the other, I have hit a snag, spun out and hit the wall.  It’s just a classic accident that has put my car out of service.

My husband has shown up to help and here we get to the point of this post. He can’t help. He can’t help because he doesn’t understand what is under my hood and the result is… bad. It’s bad for me and it’s bad for him.

We’ve been talking about this over the last week because we’ve got to get my car back in service somehow. He thinks I make no sense and I can readily see how he’d arrives at this conclusion. It’s because he comes from his perspective.

My perspective is rooted in my background which is so extreme, it’s unfathomable to everyone… almost.

“Annalisa would understand this,” I explained. “She’d have no trouble grasping what I am saying.”

I can’t see where this does me any good though. I’ve still got to get on the road and get into that lane. So what if my sister could stand on the sideline and say, “I know that car.”  So what.

I have these transits right now, they’re wild. I hope I can get my car out of the ditch. If so I will have to accomplish this myself and I can think of no method that would work or that would even be worth trying at the moment.  Saturn (stop) is conjunct my natal Mercury (car). No surprise, that.

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The Freak Car, Off In The Ditch — 22 Comments

  1. Saturn’s in Libra right? Maybe you’re ‘not’ supposed to accomplish this by yourself and the way out is by depending on ‘others’ to help you get out of the ditch and get back in the flow of traffic.

    They don’t have to understand what is ‘under your hood’ to be of help… maybe they can be your GPS and help by pointing you in the right direction and then leave the rest up to you…

  2. (((((elsa)))))

    I like your car merging traffic analogy. Your images penetrate my mind’s web and I hear your truth, clearly.

    Sometimes we need to leave the car in the ditch, get a cup of coffee and come back for it later – preferably in daylight 🙂 (It’s especially difficult when you’re in a foreign country and don’t speak the language.) Maybe a talk with Annalisa will help move some of the stopped energy and you’ll be able to come to terms with your own solution? This is not an easy fix and I know you’ve been working on the situation for over a week, at least. It would seem especially difficult where the soldier is concerned.

    Transiting Saturn is in exact opposition to my Mercury/Venus, square Uranus and Ascendant, setting off my natal Grand Cross. Sun, Mars, Pluto and Mercury are traveling my 12th.

    This Saturn Uranus square on the Descendant has left me quite alone. I know there are feelings brewing beneath the surface, but it seems I cannot access the information (unless I’m asleep.) It feels like my gears have been stripped and I have no traction. Not the same, but I am acutely aware of Saturn’s limitations.

    Thanks for your clarity and willingness to report on such a painful experience.

    (((((elsa)))))

  3. Last night I dreamt about being in the passenger seat with the car driving by itself in the middle lane. All was great until I began thinking that it could be dangerous and maybe I was moving too fast, and so I moved into the drivers seat and pushed hard on the brakes. It seemed like a good idea as I saw myself getting closer to the car in front that I obviously added into the dream to validate the decison.

    Things were flowing along just fine until I started thinking about it and interjected that cautious Saturn control.

    I’ve got Jupiter Uranus currently opposing natal Saturn/Mercury – Uncomfortable to admit I’VE BEEN PUTTING THE BRAKES ON IN LIFE while it was flowing along just fine.
    As as Uranus starts to flow into Aries I will have to face this fear and resist wanting to hold on.

    Thanks for inviting me into your dream Elsa. I look forward to you getting back in the lane.

  4. Thank you, cherie. 🙂

    This made me think of my used-to-be friend, Alexa. She grew up in a commune as did her sibs (more than 15 of them with mixed parentage). I knew many of her sisters (they all lived within blocks of each other / a commune with more space) and you could always tell a difference between any one of them and your average woman.

    I also thought of my grandfather, Henry and many like him who lived through the depression. Oh, they hide money in the ground. They stockpile food. There things were true and while they seemed odd to the newer generations, they made sense to his generation and he had a lot of company.

    Holocaust survivors have tremendous pain to manage but also have company. They have peers. Soldiers traumatized in war also suffer but can find someone who can understand their experience.

    I don’t have a situation like this. Even Annalisa and I had freakishly different experiences growing up in the same house. Some of our experiences were shared but some of them were distinctly set apart from each other. You add that to fact we’re not the same person and what we have in each other is someone who can fathom you but not necessarily relate.

    Of course I am trying to drive my car places it would never occur to her to go because she’s just not interested so this is another vast amount of space.

    What kills me is that this can still happen. I forget about it, see? I don’t think about it until I hit a wall like I have now and then I realize it would be in my best interest not to mention it. “Wall? What wall?”

    I may as well because no one can see the thing anyway. They don’t understand it and it will never be their priority to understand it, nor would I have the agenda to make them or try to make them understand.

    This is the thing in a nutshell. There was a time I was a 15 year old bartender and I was very afraid of these 30 year old people around me. I was afraid they would realize how I old I was for one thing and at the time, this meant both my survival and that of my mother.

    So that is how I felt and what I was going through or experiencing and it was completely remote from what the people at the bar were thinking when looking at me.

    I don’t know what a person is supposed to do about this and here’s the kicker:

    If I’d have told them I was 15, I don’t think they’d have believed me. Why would they? I told them I was Italian and they didn’t believe that.

    I think people are very strange. They think far less of me than they should.

  5. Elsa,I’m sorry for the turmoil you are experiencing.Have you sought out advise from a real clairvoyant or another astrologer?I feel like there are one or two issues in my life that no one in this world can help me with.My only option is to accept or not.I hope your situation isn’t so set in stone.

  6. Being “wired differently beneathe the hood”….I can identify with that ….it can be very painful. Sorry Elsa….I hope you can figure out how to move beyond your obstacle soon.

  7. Yeah, I was flipping through the movies that are On Demand and came across, “Nell”. I have more in common with her then the people on this blog; it can’t be explained.

  8. but it can be grasped. if abstractly and not terribly deeply.
    if for nothing else to recognize there’s a space, out there, that you have never travelled and don’t understand, in which someone else lives. and honestly, i think we are all different countries. though many cluster on the same continents. perhaps you are more an island archipelago. like hawaii, or iceland 🙂

    i have conversations similar to this with my SO sometimes. on very different topics, i imagine, but my brain is wired strange and there are things people just assume, sometimes about me, that simply aren’t true. he can be very concrete about human nature in ways that make no sense to me. mostly because it seems he assumes everyone works the way he does. i think people tend that way. i know some of my biggest problems have arisen from not realizing other people _aren’t_ like me in one way or another.

  9. I agree with you eris. Here:

    “but it can be grasped. if abstractly and not terribly deeply.”

    But it can’t be grasped by my husband – he’s told me so in plain language and he’s not going lie.

  10. I should add that it’s not reasonable for one person to understand everything about another. My husband understands plenty but when you get to the end of one of his road, it is truly the end.

    In whatever case, everything will be okay with time and probably not that much of it. I have the Saturn Neptune thing eventually the block will dissolve or the right thing to do will come to me.

    That’s really the problem right there or the crux of it. I desperately want to do the right thing. This is extremely important but I have to be driven or motivated by something internal and this has just got to be clean or no go and right now, it’s just not that way.

    I hope tomorrow I wake up and see my way clear. What is not helpful is being told over and over how a person outside of me sees it. It’s crazy-making because I can understand them but they can’t understand me. After much frustration it leaves me with these tasks:

    – accept I am not going to be understood (not that easy for a communicator)

    – figure out what I am going to do that is clean, clear and non-reactive

    There is a price to pay looming, and I would like to avoid it but I can’t avoid it on the wrong the grounds or I will meet this wall again with higher stakes.

    In other words, I have to get my shit together and I have to do it alone. Reason is the first point up there: No one is going to understand – I am asking too much / too far out and like I think I said earlier, people have their own lives to mind.

  11. i guess some stretches are too far of a leap from certain perspectives. particularly in the short term. it can take a long time to begin to see where someone else is coming from. wrapping one’s head around the fact that it’s different is easier. how, and why, and what ti means, that can be a real bear.

    this is kinda’ where the lifetimes perspective can be handy, i think…

    if you have tips on trying to get yourself clear on sticky situations that few, if anyone, understands, i would definitely like to hear them… best of wishes on that regard, by the way… at least for me it can be a huge challenge. the world can create some knotty tangles to live with.

  12. Elsa , I know your not a tv fan but I just watched a show on Samurai warriors Like you after years of struggle on the outside peace was found on the inside . Instead of merging I crashed a few cars and now drive in not so much of a hurry ,I`ll get to that place soon enough .

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