Saturn Return Of My Fatness…

“I was shocked at the doctor today,” I told the soldier. ‘I’m skinny. I am skinnier than I thought.”

“P, you are always skinny, you’ve never been fat a day in your life.”

“I have so! I weighed 187 and you were there.”

“You did not weigh, 187.”

“Yes I did. I went to the doctor and they weighed me. 187!  That’s when I decided I better do something.  You were at our engagement party by yourself and I lost the whole weight while you were gone…”

Back when I young and knew the soldier I just ate and ate and ate and unbeknownst to me (Venus Neptune) I got enormously fat. I had no earthly idea I was overweight or even that I could even be overweight seeing as I grew up starving.

See, it’s hard to be fat when you have no food so here I was 17 years old and all the sudden for the first time in my life food was plentiful so what do you think I did? I ate of course. I ate and ate, and I ate and ate and ate.

I suppose I must have been growing all along but the soldier didn’t say anything. I don’t think he would have noticed and if he did I’m sure he wouldn’t have cared.

And it wasn’t like I was in the mirror all the time because I wasn’t. Matter of fact we didn’t have a full length mirror but then one day I saw myself reflected in a window and boy did I flip! The material was strained on my waitress uniform. I mean the buttons were ready to pop right off and I don’t think I’d ever been so shocked in my life.

This phenomena exists to this day in a milder (but not mild) form.  20 years ago my sister suggested I combat it by weighing regularly but I just can’t see being put in a mood over a number on a scale so I avoid them like the plague and deal with the consequences when they come… if they come.

I think I am a lot happier oblivious. It is not that much trouble to brace myself when I go to the doc and be willing to deal with a problem if one is revealed.

How close do you track your weight? How do you feel about it?

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Comments

Saturn Return Of My Fatness… — 47 Comments

  1. No too closely. It’s been the same give or take a few pounds (ie. less than 5) since I was 20 (I’m 32).

    I weigh myself every 6 months or so and I am always the same. Sometimes I feel skinny and I’m 2 pounds lighter. Sometimes I feel huge and I’m 1 pound heavier.

    People are always accusing me of losing weight and it’s rude/annoying, I’d be dead by now, people!

    How do I feel about it? I wish I could go back in time to my teenage self and yank my head up out of the toilet bowl and slap my own face. If I knew my weight would be so stable I would’ve never had an eating disorder, of that I’m positive.

    (Venus trine Neptune)

  2. I HATE scales! The last time I weighed myself was over three years ago. Obsessing about my weight usually ends up with me gaining . . . 🙁

    Lots of Libra here.

  3. When I was a teenager I was anorexic (Saturn/Chiron in the 6th house?). I was growing up with a father and an older sister who were OBSESSED with weight and diet and food, and they talked about it all the time. It rubbed off on me. I thought if I wasn’t thin enough I was ugly and repulsive. If I hadn’t had good friends who saw what was happening and said something I would have continued to lose weight. Fortunately for me they intervened, at a time when I’d dropped to 95 pounds (I was 5’3″). It could have been worse.

    Once I came through that I never wanted to weigh myself again or count calories, or wonder to the milligram if I was eating too large a portion. For health reasons we should all be careful and eat right: choose healthy foods, control portions, exercise but it can be done without obsessing over every number, I think. As long as you feel good and are happy with yourself, and your doctor finds you healthy, the weight is just a number.

  4. Actually the waist measurement is a good indicator of overall health in addition to your physical shape. Carrying too much around the middle is hard on your heart. Not so much in the keister — has to do with what kind of fat is carried where. See Dr. Oz et al. for more on that, I’m no expert at repeating this stuff accurately.

    Come to think of it, the fabric tape measure is an eminently superior gauge to the scale, IMO. You can be in really excellent shape and weigh a lot. Muscle is compact, but is heavy.

  5. This is too funny – it’s sooo true for me. For a long time I was at the exact same weight and even after gaining forty pounds thought I still was. When I saw the “186” on the scale at a physical, I freaked and starting eating healthy and excercising. I was amazed that no one at all told me I’d gotten fat! Long story short, I actually lost 60 pounds over the course of two years. For someone of my frame, I was totally skin and bones. Now I’m back to a very average weight and everyone tells me how I used to be too skinny. Again — I was completely oblivious and can’t believe no one said anything when I was so thin. Venus trine Neptune. And Sun conjunct Jupiter and Saturn – which may have something to do with the, ahem, expansion and subsequent diet and excercise (restriction) – heehee.

  6. Hi Jul, welcome. That is what happened to me too. I went all the way down to 123 in about 7 weeks, it’s a hell of a story.

    That was way to thin by the way. I get 135 or below I am positively gaunt.

  7. I weigh myself about once a week. Now that I’ve heard about the tape measure, I’m going to use that instead. I tend to stay the same weight, within a five pound range. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it (whether I work out or have been eating a lot), although I’m sure there must be.

    Really, I care more about the size than the weight, so the tape measure is a really good idea. And also when my pants are too tight!

  8. And I do agree with others here that worrying about my weight was a huge waste of time when I was younger. I did not have an eating disorder, thankfully, but being comfortable in one’s own skin has been one of the best things about getting older, so far.

  9. I’m short and stocky – always been built like a brick shit house. I’m over weight today (200), where as at my ideal weight (140 for an ideal weight, flat tummy and all if you can believe it), I have a lot more natural muscle mass than most people. I cannot, for the life of me, find boots to go over my thick calves, for instance.

    I’m bothered by my weight because I find it difficult to get clothes that look good on me and fit – stores seem to cater to 0 – 12 more than other sizes.

    But I don’t give a damn what other people think about me. Take me as I am or don’t take me at all. I love what’s inside and out, no matter what.

  10. Checking the scales is a weekly ordeal for me. In fact, I look forward to it since I have committed to shed the 20 lbs my doctor has been asking me to shed due to impaired glucose intolerance. It’s really a matter of perspective: I worked hard to lose the weight, therefore I look forward to see my results.

    I also check my waist/hip ratio very often as that is a more tell-tale sign of health. Despite the 10 lb loss, I still have to reduce my waist size by an inch to attain a healthy hip/waist ratio.’

  11. My weight has been an issue for me ever since I moved in with fiance 4 years ago. I gained 25lbs in less than a year and I’ve been having a struggle trying to get even 5lbs off. I never cared all that much about weight, but I was also younger with a higher metabolism and an ability to eat a bag of chips in one sitting without having gained a pound. But these days, I feel like the weight thing is everywhere.

    Funny enough, I went to the OB today and the nurse who took my weight/height said, “Jeez! I would have never guessed you were that heavy!” Thanks lady. 😛

  12. Haha alicia. That’s one of those statements that makes you wonder “is that a compliment or not?”

    Like the lady who asked me “are you pregnant?” and when I said no, she said “oh, must just be the dress.” So, I look fat AND I have an ugly dress. Thanks, lady!

  13. I don’t weigh myself – I am happy with my body. When I go for my check-ups, I don’t allow them to weigh me anymore. No matter how in shape I am, I will never be at the weight I am “supposed” to be. If my cholesterol is okay, and my blood pressure, etc., is okay, you don’t need to talk to me like I am 5 years old about “healthy eating”. I don’t need the lecture – I am not obese, but I will never be skinny, and I am fine with that. My husband for damn sure is fine with my body, and if he and are happy, that does it for me. I work out about 3 – 4 times a week – not at a gym, but I have a treadmill, and an exercise bike, and I use free weights, and I love pilates. And now that I am back at college part-time, I am doing alot more walking, which is fun.

    User, that is hilarious – why can’t people just keep their damn mouths shut, lol.

  14. I don’t own scales so I never know exactly how much I weigh. I found I am at my heaviest when I went to the doctor recently but really I already knew that from pictures and the way my clothes fit. I would like to lose around 50 lbs but my primary goals are more about feeling better and getting stronger. Fitness is so much more important to me than weight loss.

  15. lol Elsa! Soldier is hilarious! Are his toenails THAT heavy?

    User: Were you wearing an empire waist dress with some heavy gathering towards the front? Those dresses make people wonder, “Is she or isn’t she?”

    I’ve been asked if I was pregnant too – at an ex boyfriend’s family gathering! I didn’t know I had glucose intolerance problems then so I gained weight in the middle. There were whispers among my ex’s family about my supposed “pregnancy” and I was even accused of LYING that I wasn’t pregnant! It’s really annoying 🙁

  16. I cannot track my weight.

    I mean this in two ways: 1, I can’t get a consistent reading on a scale and 2, I have issues that make me obsessive if I have a scale around.

    I can get on the same scale four times in a row and get four different readings, several pounds apart. No joke. So one problem is measuring something that apparently doesn’t want to be measured.

    Second problem: I put far too much power into that damn number. I work and work and work to get a number on the scale and invariably what happens is that instead of going down my weight goes up. I get happy if it’s down a pound, and terribly upset if it’s up. Given part 1 of the problem … well this is pretty unrealistic, no?

    So I’m happy to be blissfully ignorant of my actual weight. I know a ballpark figure, so that’s good enough. I’m doing all the right things, making improvements where I can make them, and my body will regulate itself where it’s comfortable.

  17. i am thin with a big chest and always have been, except when i was pregnant and gained 60 pounds!!! also nobody told me!!! i was happy delusional and the reality was this huge fridgerator mamma! when i asked my bull hubby, he reassured me that it was necessary for the baby (she was 4 1/2lbs)..errr so the other55??? i lost it all pretty fast- due to the shock- saw a photo of myself. but i have to watch what i eat now– as my body def changed post preg.i dont have scale. i don’t know how much i weigh… i keep track with jeans. if my jeans are tight, cut back on portion size and eat more apples. i have venus opposite saturn on the asc dsc axis- i believe that it is important to keep yourself in shape and looking as good as you can, otherwise you will be wasting energy worrying about being fat or at a disadvantage somehow- also keeping in shape is showing respect for my partner…crazy? just being honest..

  18. Venus squ neptune. I am always surprised how I look in the mirror. I think I’m fine and then the reflection is BIG!!! I lose weight when I’m more active and can tell when I lose sizes. I never weigh myself – only at doctor. Last time there, could not believe how much the nunber was!!

    Seriously elsa, your beauty is huge no matter if you are fat or thin.

  19. Lol luci – I also have big calves- can’t wear boots, frustrating cuz I love sexy boots in winter. I walk for my job and my muscles are huge. But even without that, I’d still be big. Not sure if it’s the german side or the russian side. And, like, elsa, when I’m about 130, I’m gaunt.

  20. I have a high metabolism so stay around 125/135 and am 5’7″. Everytime I see family after a while they comment. But when my ex ex and I broke up I was so upset that I couldn’t eat and lost weight to around 100 and looked almost skeletal. It upset me so much that I started to put eating as a priority. Now it is number one. I have saturn in cancer square uranus in libra on my ascendent. It was during that period that I found out that having uranus on the ascendent makes one not just tall and thin but also prone to eating disorders.
    Now I go by if I feel healthy and content. And I try to eat more dense protein. I may look vegetarian but no way. I need something to burn. Also yoga has helped keep weight on by reducing anxiety.

  21. Liz- glad you’re taking care of yourself, that sounds scary.

    Never heard of Uranus in the 1st as an indicator of eating disorders, though. I have it and I’m not tall and thin, although my sign position Scorpio may have something to do with that. Or my genes may be trumping astrology. Is your Uranus in Virgo, Libra, or Capricorn by any chance?

  22. I have always been thin, petite. 5’3 100 lbs. I was a vegetarian for 7 years and for the last 2 years I had gastritis, so no tomatoes, no spices, no vinegar, no ketchup or mustard, no onions, no garlic, no pizza, spagetti or indian food, no heavy fats. Basically just bland. When all hell broke loose with my husband I could not eat anything. I was starving.

    Then my mom came and stayed with me and I started eating fish and my body came alive, then I just threw the whole vegetarian thing out the windwow and I eat whatever the hell I feel like eating now! (And thank the spirit of the animal)

    Then I stopped smoking. I have gained 10 pounds already and no longer fit in my pants. Had to go out and buy new jeans. Sometimes I feel and think I look fat. Cause Ive never had so much curvage and well just body. I mean, I wasnt totally flat before, but now I am much fuller.

    And then sometimes I love the way I look. And sometimes I am shy to wear tight fitting clothes that people I know will whisper behind my back and sometimes I want to flaunt it. So, yeah this is an area that is in flux for me. Not a major issue, but its there. and also really reflects some of the stuff that is going on inside me too, how I feel about myself regardless of physical appearance.

    I’m glad this came up. Its really good food for thought (harharhar)

  23. Boots for power calves!

    Nice-girl boots:

    Hooker boots 😉

    (I dig the first pair a lot but, dude, I so want those Santa boots…)

    I’m not a tall-boot kind of gal but I bet Zappos would also have some choices.

    Apropos of nothing, I hate to wreck my equal-opportunity bonafides, but I’m just not going to discuss my cup size, which I couldn’t find today at lunch, with some dude who’s working in my favored clothing store. I just can’t do panty talk with a man I don’t know, I don’t care if he IS the sales associate. Sweaters, fine — my delicates, no damn way.

  24. Growing up in Latin America I was very thin…I found out later it was due to a parasite and we didn’t know it, until just before I came up here to the States for college. But, my point is I continued eating the same as always and during my my first semester in college, I gained a hefty 35 pounds and had no idea until I went home for Christmas and I thought my mother was going to have a heart attack……but, I had not idea…I tend to gain all over, not just in one spot. My jeans were very tight, but I attributed it to the dryer that I now had in the States that I did not have in Honduras…hahahaha….needless to say…this same tendency (to gain and then find out via doctor’s appt and then a heavy-duty regime to lose) has been with me for well over 30 years. I miss that parasite sometimes……

  25. Lunalie, you are so savvy with fashion. I think it was kind of a high-waisted dress. I need someone like you, to prevent me from wearing stuff like that! Friends don’t let friends look pregnant when they’re not 🙂

  26. Denamarie, that is too funny.
    My family used to say I must have a tapeworm cause I would eat and eat and eat and never gain weight.

    But in truth, my ex husband was my parasite.

  27. I gained weight this year – unbeknownst to me. My prog Asc is 21 AQ so I blame the 3 Aquarians.

    I don’t weigh myself so at the Drs this summer I was like “what??!!” then this month I had several checkups complete with weighings & they kept going up a few pounds & I just had a giant question mark hovering over my head.

    …and I still have no boobs. >: (

  28. I’ve never been one much for weighing myself. I’m short and look thin (thank you gemini asc.) and have a horse face so that thinness translates well.

    I’ve always been in the 125/135 range but peaked at the 135 when I was overseas. I came back home and built my own place and that took lots of muscle that I didn’t have. That building was the best I ever felt about my body in my life. Muscle rocks. Seriously! But I also lost so much weight that I was buying new clothes (a first for me) and eating 5 or 6 hotdogs as snacks throughout the day to get enough calories in me.

    (This is why building things is a Taurus’ dream job – gives you good reason to eat as much as you’d ever want to.)

    I’m at the high end of that now or past living with the fiance who’s eating habits are horrid.

    I’ve never “watched” my weight but try to cut back on bags of chips at one sitting to spreading them out over multiple sittings 😉 Actually, when I start to strain clothes I try to get myself out and about more. I swear, I feel low energy when I look muscle mass and low energy when I gain (especially in the thighs).

    I never had any parental baggage around eating. Food was always available but was always “from the garden” so eating was as you pleased. I learned to know what my body wanted and feed it that.

  29. jilly- don’t feel bad… my weight gain only makes me look lumpier and more rectangular, doesn’t help the boobs much (pregnancy, however, graduated me up to something like a curve or two now…)

    i don’t own a scale. i fluctuate, but i mostly tend to notice how my jeans fit.
    especially since i’ve put on a lot of muscle in the past decade. that makes me heavier than i’ve ever been (that and the baby residue) but i also feel healthier than i’ve ever been and that’s what i’m focusing on.

  30. Oh Elsa so timely for me. I was doing well last year going to the gym everyday and getting lean after years of being overweight. Then after Christmas I decided to quit smoking and I’ve been eating ever since. Ha Ha. Needless to say I am up a size and not too happy about it. But on Friday it’s the Virgo new moon and I’m starting over with my health. You said to hold tight till the 18th so I’ve been eating my face off. One more day to go!

  31. I weigh myself everyday, sometimes twice a day or more. I have one of those scales that tells you not only how much you weigh, but how much of that weight is fat, muscle, water, bone etc. I am hovering around 200 these days (5’7″), which is five pounds more than I was the day I gave birth to my now 16 year old son. My ideal weight is between 140-150, when I can wear size 10 pants with a button waistband. I have been as high as 220+ lbs. I have a very high muscle mass, but I am clearly overweight, big waist and all. Sun/Venus conjunction trine Saturn, but Moon square Neptune.

  32. Wow, Elsa, if you don’t mind me asking, how tall are you?

    My Capricorn friend kept insisting that I weigh myself. I was mad. If I don’t want to, why should I?

  33. You don’t have to answer that one, by the way.

    By the way, do you guys believe in big bones? I can get my thumbs to meet, but barely when I put my hand around my wrist. I think I am big boned.

  34. Angela, it was a trip. I wrote about this and thought about pulling it up and running it but the crowd here is just so tough these days.

    Long story short I went on a VERY strict diet and weighed on the MEAT scale at my job in front of an audience. I lost the weight very very fast, all the sudden my clothes were hanging off me and at that point I met a Scorpio…

  35. oh. And no exercise. I went to work, ate a scoop of chicken salad and some crackers… it was Christmas time and I was a waitress in a mall so I was busy as hell, working long days like, 6 AM to 4 or so, running the whole time.

    After work I would go to a bar and drink two (diet) TABS, tell everyone jokes. The Scorpio in question was sitting at the end of the bar scopin’ me and 6 weeks later, swooped in.

    That story is in my book.

  36. Fascinating, thanks for sharing! Where do I find your book? Just had a quick snoop around and there doesn’t appear to be a link anywhere?

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