Saturn Conjunct Mars, Jupiter in Capricorn, The French Horn and Self Flagellation by Nota

I started talking about this conversation I had with my Yoga teacher and someone else over noodles the other day. You can catch up here.

So, anyway… The other girl starts telling us about her therapy session.

“I’m going to see a counselor about my issues with my horn.”

She plays the French Horn. In fact she doesn’t just play the French Horn, she is a talented and accomplished French Horn player. She has the accolades to prove it. The issue is she beats herself up over her playing. She has a very negative voice inside telling her she sucks. Over time she has started to suffer from this constant self beratement. That’s why she is seeking help.

“She said I need to start saying at least one positive thing about my playing after every time I practice.”

The look on her face as she shared her positivity assignment said “Yeah, I can smell it. I know that crock is full of shit, but I paid good money for it. So, I’m just gonna sit here with it for a while and see if it quits stinking.”

Then out loud she said “So I guess I’m gonna try that and see if it works.” She let out a heavy sigh.

I know that sigh. “You’ve got Saturn issues.” I tell her.

I’ve got my magic little phone with me, so we look up her chart on Astro.com. There it is. Mars conjunct Saturn, sextile Jupiter in Capricorn. Ah! Mars is involved. Mars is motivation. Looks like the suffering self esteem isn’t the problem but a symptom.

I tell her my thoughts on the matter. “You use all this negative energy to push yourself to do better. Problem is it’s dirty fuel.”

“Dirty fuel?”

“Yeah, like you could go easy on yourself, lower your expectations, set reasonable goals, plod along a steady course, maybe start feeling good about yourself, but right now you’re hooked on the big push. (That’s where the Jupiter comes in.) When you beat yourself up, you work harder. When you work harder, you get a more substantial gain in the short term. And that immediately feels good.”

“So, it’s good then.”

“Yeah, but not long term because you’re gonna burn your engine out. You’re burning dirty fuel.”

“Yeah, I get that but how do I stop it?”

“Well number one, I would suggest you tell that voice to fuck off. If I was sitting here telling you how bad you are and what a terrible person you are, what would you say to me? Would you defend yourself with one positive thing or would you say something along the lines of ‘bitch, leave me alone?”

“I’d tell you to get outta my face.”

“Number two, start examining your motivations for things. Not just your horn playing, but everything. When you get up in the morning, do you go to the bathroom?”

“Yes.”

“What’s your motivation?”

“Because I have to or I’ll burst.”

“Do you brush your teeth?”

“Yes.”

“What’s your motivation?”

“It feels nice to have a clean mouth.”

“Just start doing that, you’ll start to see that there are lots of ways you motivate yourself and some of them don’t make you wanna die. This will appeal to your Saturn because Saturn wants to go on for a long time.

Disclaimer: I am not trying to discount the value of therapy here. Just this one particular cheesy therapist’s suggestion. Some therapists are very talented healers. I just felt like from the information I got, she was treating a symptom and not attacking the root cause. But thats a difficult thing to do. Roots take a long time to uncover in therapy… unless you have a natal chart to look at. Then you can see the roots laid out right in front of you. 😛

Can you relate to any of this? Are you hard on yourself? Do you know why? What motivates you? Also, have you ever treated a symptom? Or did you get to the root?

 

Related


Comments

Saturn Conjunct Mars, Jupiter in Capricorn, The French Horn and Self Flagellation by Nota — 7 Comments

  1. @Nota, you’re on fire! =)

    Can you relate to any of this? Yes!
    Are you hard on yourself? Yes =(
    Do you know why? Saturn =(
    What motivates you? …still thinking…
    Also, have you ever treated a symptom? Probably
    Or did you get to the root? I discovered Astrology, so yeah!!!

    This does appeal to my Saturn… yay!
    Cheers =)

    (P.S… you have waaaayyyy too much energy. Can I have some? lol!)

  2. Ha. Yes I can relate in spades… Saturn is ALL OVER my chart, whatever I did in previous lifetimes.. Saturn finally got fed up I think.. said.. “Ok sweetie… we’re gonna do this MY way this time.” lol 😛
    So, for most of my life.. I was all about being harsh with myself, I was always conscious of the consequences.. even as a youngster… kept me out of trouble.. but also.. unfortunately, kept me from some fun, beneficial things as well.
    Anyway.. I do believe it’s easing up.. I’m just human.. juuuuust like everyone else, and it’s ok to just be me, being kind to yourself.. is the first real step in being truly kind to others. I don’t mind Saturn so much.. he’s aiight in my book. 🙂 I’ve (mostly) made my peace with him. 😉

  3. Hmm, I wonder if the diagnosis would fit someone with a saturn-conjunct jupiter and mercury, and sextile mars. For some people *cough* achievement has to be big and showy or it’s nothing at all. And then the person *cough* sits around wondering why they aren’t motivated to do even the smallest things. It takes time to make new thought-habits, though.

    Very good article, Nota!

  4. I have Saturn square my Jupiter, Pluto and Mercury. I’m extremely hard on myself – usually much harder on myself than I am others, although that’s changed over the past year (and of course, usually doesn’t end with good results).

    Can you relate to any of this? Yep.
    Are you hard on yourself? Most definitely.
    Do you know why? The way I was treated when I was a kid, wanting to do the right thing in situations, for myself and others. I have trouble forgiving myself, and am scared that I’m just going to continue getting worse. That’s why I’m finally seeking some sort of therapy. (Suicidal thoughts have been common, and I’ve had fresh fears around things like aging and loss appear, along with the usual crap.)
    What motivates you? fear, or excitement, depending on the situation. fear of hurting myself and others is a big one.
    Also, have you ever treated a symptom? Yes.
    Or did you get to the root? Knowing the roots hasn’t helped, due to the feelings having been so hard-wired into me by this point in time.

Leave a Reply to eris Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *