I have significant Capricorn in chart and like the rest of my tribe, I have a fear of failure. I also have a fear of success as these things go hand in hand. Fears around being judged and rejected can also be throw in the pile.
I’m old enough now, I’ve become very adept at working around my fears. This blog is evidence of that, so I was really surprised the other day when I was hit hard, feeling fear I might fail at something important.
If you read here regularly, you know I am going to take training to become an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. I specifically want to be bring communion to people who are ill and hospitalized or house-bound. I’d be hard-pressed to describe how deeply I feel driven to serve in this way and after years of delay, I will be attending training this week.
I’ve endured the delay and overcome the obstacles. I thought I was in the home stretch here and then all the sudden, I was hit by this fear – what if I can’t do this?
I was recently humbled when I showed up to potentially serve as a juror. I thought I would be really fabulous at this, but as it turns out, I am unfit for jury service. The court thought so, and I agreed. I didn’t expect that, see? So now I am going to do this, something else I think I should be very good at, and I just hope I am not wrong!
Now if I am wrong, then I’ll be wrong and I will deal with it. But it was sure disturbing to realize I could still be hit with this kind of fear, which is something I thought I’d resolved.
Has anyone else had a deep fear break the surface?