People complain about this gal’s patterns in relationships…but it may be none of their business!
“Say you live in a era or culture where everyone marries and you really, really don’t want to. There would probably be a day that you realized this – really realized it, and that would constitute a breakthrough. It would help you be more at peace with what you are doing, because as is, there is a vague sense (from others) that you are failing.
The goal here is to get to a point where you understand your own drives and are in control of them, rather than to be acting out, recreating scenarios that are harmful to you or unfair to others…”
Do you feel at ease with how you exchange energy with others? Or do you think there is a pathological basis for how you interact?
I’ve grown more conscious of my inner workings ( thanks to astrology) so i do manage situations a little better for myself and others, but it requires a lot of work to tame my aries moon/pluto/saturn T-square. My partner is a scorpio moon and he just “knows” so that helps a great deal.
This is brilliant. And I thought I was going down the right path in a way that helped me have healthy energy in my relationships, but now I think I’ve taken about 100 steps backward and am surrounded by people who are stuck operating in the low range.
I realised pretty young – around 20/23 – that I didn’t relate to other people and esp to partnership in the same way most other people do. It caused me to break off an engagement to a totally suitable and blameless guy who adored me.
I was comfortable with that realisation: I didn’t want to be hurting others down the line due a refusal to face my own pathologies, if you like. I needed at that time to pursue extreme relationships with men, not to be looking for security (and them feeling trapped, as I knew I would).
I solved it by removing myself from my previous social environment and finding ones where my own pathology was closer to those around me
I don’t feel at ease because I don’t trust the response I receive from others. People notice me and react compulsively – either repelled or attracted – and they don’t hide it. My response is to shy away, to avoid the spotlight, to anticipate and avoid the rejection. I’ve been known to purposefully disappoint others just to lower (or destroy) their expectations. I take on this detached, careless quality that is laughably at odds with my scorpio core. It’s incredibly harmful to everyone involved. I attract people that need care and affection, regardless of whether they reject me or not. When I fail or disappoint them I feel like my karma gets heavier and heavier. I’ve got a hippie drive to love without expecting reciprocation. That’s like breathing to me. But I’ve been burned and shocked like you can’t imagine. So yeah, control… I guess it starts with detachment? Boundaries? Being as transparent and frank as possible?
Most important I guess is to be in control of my reaction – yes, continue to expect rejection – but more like a bite from a wounded and frightened animal. If I wouldn’t hold it against an abused dog, why would I hold it against an abused human? 😀 lol, I just need to follow the Dog-Whisperer’s advice: Calm and assertive. I’m the dominant one here. Thank you very much. Now lie down and let me rub your belly!
“Be careful about casting out your demon, you might be casting out the best part.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
It seems backward to abide by a ‘pathology’ because ‘pathology’ isn’t the kernal of self: Self may be defined as a proportional coupling of desire with an ideal. The archaic “daemon” is the ideal born of desire, recieved through the body-environment, rather than solely from literature-mechanism (but literature too is an aspect of ‘the body’, an abused one!)
“Find the others!” -Terrence Mckenna
Becoming a master (saturn) of desire (Scorpio) through the application of a corresponding ideal may be the trick (and the treat!
Our experiences of mastery through a sense of balance (Saturn in Libra ) have served to fortify our selves for the ‘night sea voyage’ of (Saturn in Scorpio).
I remember when I split with the Capricorn. I bumped into my friend’s boyfriend one night. He was drunk and he said ‘well sorry to hear about your break up. He was a decent enough guy but it’s so weird he never wanted to come out…maybe you’ll meet a guy who will actually spend time with you.’
I went home and cried for days over that comment. In hindsight, he was dead on. And he probably wouldn’t have said anything sober. His girlfriend (my friend) called me later and said ‘Dave thinks he offended you the other night, so I asked him what he said and when he told me, I told him he was an idiot. Should I ask him to apologize?’ I said no.
The thing is this: Dave is an uber-Leo and has a view about relationships, and he just didn’t get mine. In hindsight, I agree with what he said. I am actually in a relationship with a man who I spend tons of time with and it is far more fulfilling and enjoyable for me.
I thought I wanted tons of space. What I really wanted was to be cherished. Yes–there was a pathological basis for how I interacted in romantic relationships until I was into my 30s. I’m done with that.
I’m still figuring this out for myself. I’m very conflicted and confused about what I want in my relationships.
“I needed at that time to pursue extreme relationships with men, not to be looking for security (and them feeling trapped, as I knew I would).”
I’m becoming aware that my pathology makes a fine line between feeling secure and feeling trapped. It’s dawning on me that it is possible – truly, truly possible – to feel secure without feeling trapped. Methinks I have a long way to go though 🙂
I was reading this morning about saturn in the 12th, current natal transit and progressed postion (but in sag). A couple of sources I read said get out of the psycho depth and into practical constructive work for saturn in the 12th. I really relish the journey to the bottom of the sea, neptune on 12th cusp. I am so happy there. But my pathology says I have to produce. So I’m taking a lesson from Sedna who learned to only surface when Sedna decides to surface. It’s that, or come on down to the bottom of the sea with me. With libra in the 11th, I did learn that I do need to set some semblence of goals and stick with it. And I have to honor those goals and instead of allowing them to be eroded away. As far as relationships of all kinds, others will do what others will do. Maybe the question is can I live with what is being done by the other. Is my life enriched by the other and versa visa.
same thing here, Kashmiri. My friends at work teased me and said I was just making up a boyfriend since they’d never laid eyes on him.
After awhile, there were so many places he refused to go, what was the point of being in a partnership? All the while I went to his moms funeral, was at the hospital when his son got in a wreck, and went to his godawful company Christmas parties.
I don’t want to be alone either. I just get tired of hearing no, being refused and working around someone who’s a rock in my road.
seriously, i don’t know. but a piece of the veil has dropped and i’m at least becoming more aware- it’s very much a breakthrough for me.
i’ve recently realized that i can only control my own actions and reactions, and this extends to how i respond to my own drives and emotions.
i’m putting much more thought into how i express myself BEFORE i act. when i manifest energy that’s born of emotion, it is usually impulsive and unfiltered. (hi, aries!)
this can lead to a supercharged exchange of energy, but not the one i ideally intend when my ego takes a seat. guess i’ve been spending a lot of time trying to put my ego in it’s place and letting myself be guided by true intuition and true intentions.
it is changing my life, and i think it’s good.
LOVE to all