Back in February I was chatting with a Southern man on the plane back to Denver. He was an engineer. He had six (homeschooled) kids, all in college. His son, sitting across the aisle, has the highest GPA in his entire university.
I think he said there were 20,000 students enrolled in the university. The father was advising me on the ins and outs of navigating the education system the state where we’re moving. Considering the success he has with his kids, I listened carefully.
We also discussed the house we’d decided to buy. This is the house we wound up not getting. Some days prior, my husband told me, “If your wife likes it and your mother likes it, you’ve got nothing to say about it!”
I thought the statement was funny and utterly true. A man is not going to go against his wife and his mother! I like that my husband states the obvious like this. But this man did not see it the way I did. He began to lecture me.
He told me that this was wrong…that my husband was wrong. The women should not be running the house. A man should step up, make the decisions and run the family.
I understood him to be suggesting two things. First, my husband was less than a man – secondly, I lacked understanding of my role as a wife.
I wasn’t taken aback by this. I wasn’t offended. I know that’s what people do these days, they get offended. But it’s just so stupid. Why not let the man talk?
I didn’t defend myself or my husband. Eventually the plane landed. We thanked each other for the conversation…we’d talked non-stop for three hours. I went home and forgot about it.
But then I came back here. And I went looking for houses again. And I have been repeatedly questioned if not out and out challenged by the men I’ve met. These are older men (Saturn figures). They own the homes I’ve been looking at.
They’re greatly flummoxed that I am shopping for a house without my husband. They demonstrate this is not-so-subtle ways. “You mean he send you out here to find a place..?”
“Yes,” I said.
“He trusts her,” the agent said, deftly.
“Yes, he does,” I said. This is when it clicked into place.
These are Protestants. I know where their rules come from. The Bible. So why don’t Catholics feel this way?
It’s because Catholics are devoted to Mary. Our mother. Mothers in general. Your mother, the mother of your children, all mothers. That is why my husband said what he did.
A Catholic man simply must honor his wife and his mother. It’s non-negotiable. You can’t buy a house your wife and mother hate, and honor them now can you?
I have a list of criteria my husband wants in whatever house we buy. I know exactly what that list is. As his wife, I would never choose a property that did not have all the things he wants. “He trusts her.”
I thought this was interesting. Saturn (learn) and Sadge (beliefs / religion) and all. I can see I am going to come up against this constantly, around here.
I’m glad I caught on to it as fast as I did. It’s good to understand your own underpinnings.
How do your beliefs match or clash with what you’ve read?