A year ago, I went to a support group for a unique problem. As it turned out, I was the only person in the group save the gal who was leading it. Weird, huh? But it actually helped me tremendously.
I attended the one-person support group, twice in two months. The gal leading it had seventeen years experience. She spent the time giving me serious, solid information that has carried me through the last twelve months. She quit her job after the second meeting. Her husband was starting a business and needed her help. It was sort of perfect. I left there loaded for bear.
I went to a new support group for the same issue, yesterday. I didn’t have the greatest feeling about it, but I was encouraged to go so I did. I had called ahead and I was told I would likely be the only one coming to the meeting. Since my experience a year ago was so good, I figured I may as well give it a try,
As it turned out there was another gal there. The meeting was interesting but I knew the support would be limited when I used a term that anyone involved with this should know. “I’ve never heard of that,” the facilitator said. I learned the word a year ago…
Last night, I woke up at 2 am and I could not go back to sleep, thinking about what was said in this meeting. I’ll tell you something. If you cost me sleep at night; I’m not calling that “support”.
I am going to call this gal today and tell her not to expect me next month. I’m calling because she said she was going to do some research for me between now and the next meeting. Guess what? I’ve already done the research.
I feel a little bad about this but I am old enough and experienced enough and burdened enough, I know I need to make a boundary. I will be rejecting this gal, who was so glad to have two bodies in her group. But support that does not support you oppresses you. Posting this for anyone who might be in a similar position.
If you’re already weighed down, it makes sense you pay attention to what’s actually helping rather than taking away.
If you’re struggling with Saturn in Capricorn, check out my workshop on the topic. REAL SUPPORT.
Beauty of Capricorn, this wisdom really serves. Unfortunately this quality is seen as wet blanket in my experience but it’s not. There are situations, insights worthwhile. What is the point in fueling someone’s delusion of importance? Beauty of cron years also. Capricorn has its beauty.
This is real respect for yourself and others. I’m not a support group person , but I have had a tendency to give unsolicited advice ( or advice asked for) and it’s only recently that I have been able to tell people ; I am not capable of speaking on this , it’s not familiar or I am unqualified. Also seeing that fast how it’s not going to help you. But if nothing else she might be on the road to seeing the foundation her group should have because of your knowledge.
A good decision, Elsa.
I find that many people’s ‘expert’ knowledge is less than mine in various areas. Not because I’m more intelligent or experienced, but because I can be bothered to research something in depth if I need to. It also means I don’t come across as a twat. My pride makes me research stuff (and often a genuine interest in the topic). People are having increasingly lower expectations – time to start demanding excellence again!
Literally why I divorced my last two husbands. Dead weight, not an asset to me or my son, a hinderance. I have always thought about each: whatever I accomplished was despite you, not because of you.
Came back to say- actually I am going to use sleeplessness and ruminating in bed as a yardstick to see if people are good for me or not. My brain goes and goes so it’s a great tool. I love this idea!
Oh my gosh. So true. A lot of people have been giving me advice lately, which is mostly welcome. Some just feels burdensome because it takes so much energy to explain why certain advice doesnt apply.
An example. There was a younger Scorpio with a Virgo Moon that was trying to help me the other day. He has no experience with what Im dealing with and his advice was just annoyingly naive and he wasnt getting my hints to stop trying to advise me. Finally I told him that I appreciated him trying, but that it wasn’t something he knew anything about. It took energy to explain everything to him. Energy that I couldve used towards understanding my “dilemma”.
Always view “experts” with skepticism…Apart from highly technical pursuits, like chess, astrology and experimental physics, studies have showed that most experts have no more understanding of their fields than intelligent laymen. This is particularly true of social “sciences”.
In my case, I think my Saturn Return humbled me enough to recognize that yes, despite not-so-great experiences with experts (like teachers, career counselors or therapists), I do need help on some things in order to succeed rather than doing things halfway. I have confidence in my martial arts instructors in giving me the tools I need to defend myself, and I have confidence in my fitness coach’s guidance to becoming stronger (I also look up two fitness experts on youtube). However, finding the right kind of support or coaching (to ultimately find an answer within myself), especially when it comes to career, can be tricky…In my case, if there is an opinion I disagree with, I tell myself…”why am I wasting energy on a thought I disagree with? This is not the time to contest the idea with that person, it’s done!” and keep moving. With the need for strength development for a more interesting career, I cannot waste my Mars on unnecessary thoughts (and lose sleep etc.)…I’m glad I’m ruminating a lot less!
I love support groups but sometimes they are not a good fit, just like psychologists, I went through several and never really found a great fit but it helped me anyway. I have found some online groups that are closed but one is really still putting their business out there using them, I guess it depends how much one does not wants revealed. I still keep a lot to myself just because , well people love to talk. I am on a support group on line , which is a caregiver site for spouses. Its a relief to meet people that are dealing with the same issues.
One of the ‘expert’ therapist I had just sat there and laughed at my jokes. Darn it! I needed help, you goon! He was a nice little Leo who was a bit naive!
Therapists have never really helped me. They either just sit there and listen to me, or they give me a pep talk. What’s the point? ?♀️
Or they just automatically prescribe you a pill! LOL.
I went to see a therapist a few years back (as pluto was pulling off my moon). He was a libra, I’m cancer/cappy. I told him it’d be a challenge but if he was up for it, I was up for the help. He was a total help for me, really helped me get my mind around the situation and be able to move forward for my own benefit. He was even open to learning a bit about astrology as we went along (as that’s how it all made sense to me, lol!).