Resolving Conflict With Venus Trine Or Sextile Mars

High Noon (1952)Directed by Fred ZinnemannShown: Katy Jurado, Lloyd BridgesThere was a debate in the forum about who should pay on a first date. I figure if there is going to be conflict over this on the first date, that’s a sign the people are not compatible.

Some people want to war with the opposite sex.
Others get along easily.
Let the two groups find each other!

Astrologically, people who have Venus and Mars in easy aspect tend to have an easy time reconciling things like this. There are other factors or course. Aspects between charts count. But as a general rule, people with Venus and Mars in harmony, natally, have an easier time negotiating with others.

Is it hard for you to resolve conflicts in partnerships?  Do you have Venus and Mars in aspect?

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Resolving Conflict With Venus Trine Or Sextile Mars — 41 Comments

  1. My Venus and Mars do not aspect each other.

    I am not dating yet, but when I do, I definitely expect the man to pay. I’ve gone the route where I offer to pay and try to be “equal,” but all that got me was guys who then expected me to do everything while they sat back and did nothing. Like I owed it to them to coddle them. Blecch.

    I am expecting a guy to ask me out like a man, pay like a man, and act like a traditional man so I can be a traditional woman. Which, of course, is funny since I have Saturn Venus ASC in Aquarius, with Uranus Virgo 7th, Mars Leo 6th. That’s a lot of Uranus and independence in relationships, but I guess the Saturn pushes for me to be unusual in a traditional way!

  2. Shouldn’t be a matter of gender at all. The rules are simple in my book: If you invite someone out for dinner, you are by default paying. It doesn’t matter which gender. If someone invites me out to dinner, and expects me to pay, well that is a bit inconsiderate now isn’t it?

    Of course, there can be flexibility about it if someone is feeling generous or if someone’s poor or what ever. There are always conditions to be considered. And none of them should be GENDER.

    Why should this have anything to do with gender at all? It’s a bunch of stupid social conditioning, and I’m not having it.

  3. Honestly I try not to socialize with, much less eat exclusively with, people who would make a big deal out of something like this in the first place. Elsa, we’re on the same page.

  4. ALL THAT ASIDE, I tend to try to pay for first dates. Not that I’ve had one in years. But I don’t think I’ve ever been asked out, so it’s really just a response to the basic premise of, if I asked you out, I certainly should be able to afford to pay for it…

  5. In my natal chart Venus and Mars r not aspecting but r in same sign Libra and 4th house. Anyways i feel the man should pay if we r romantically involved or at least attracted to one another, like that i feel he really feels for me somehow, makes me feel apreciated and protected and spoiled a bit. But if we r just friends i feel ok if we share the pay. Maybe it’s how i saw things happening in my family, my father is a true gentleman…i don’t know….

  6. With my girlfriends, it’s different. We usually take turns paying for each other no problem. So, for me, with my past, it’s definitely a gender thing. Whenever I have paid for a guy, he takes advantage, so it rubs me the wrong way. This has been with male friends and dates. I don’t lunch with male friends any more, so that is not an issue for me right now.

  7. I think it depends on whom does the asking. But, usually, if thew man pays for the movie then, I take care of refreshments. My inherent worth is not based on how much money a man spends on me.

  8. “I think there are a good number of people just want to war with the opposite sex”

    That is the only way I can understand one of my weirdest dating experiences…years ago, I went out with a guy I met online. When it came time to pay he suggested we split. I said ok. Then, he told me I should pay more because I had an appetizer. Speechless! I decided to just get out rather than argue the finer points (that he had a large beer and I a small). Looking back I wish I’d offered to pay the whole tab and shamed him. You wonder why the guy is even dating and whether it’s about teaching women a lesson or something.

    For the record, I have no problem splitting the tab on a first date. I appreciate when the guy offers to pay as a gesture but if not it’s not a deal breaker for me, as long as it’s done in a graceful manner. This was just so crass!

  9. I’ve never had this problem when I dated. Everythhing was defined before we went out. Usually, if it was first date, the guy wanted to pay. But, after that, we would share expenses.

  10. I never had this problem and I am so thankful. My mars is conjunct Jupiter and they are trine Venus. I find men much easier than women — Venus/moon opposition.

  11. My venus and mars are not aspecting. But they are both in earth signs. Honestly I haven’t really given it much thought. The guy always paid. I agree with @kr, I find men easier to be around then women, (that’s probably my pluto-moon talking).

  12. My Venus in Taurus and Mars in Pisces are semisquare. There’s no question for me that the guy pays. At least the first two dates for sure. I used to feel like I had to offer up. My last boyfriend…well…I could tell he was waiting for me to offer to for my half of the first date, but I knew there was no way in hell, so I didn’t, and he paid. The second date I felt like was waiting, so I did, and he took it. From then on, it was just a war about money. I found that he was quite cheap and would never offer to pay for me for anything!! He was a good boyfriend in other ways, but that way always hurt me. I always felt like I wasn’t worth him spending money on. I learned a huge lesson. A man will always tell you who he is when you first meet him…so believe him the first time! If he doesn’t want to pay, then he will never want to pay. Read Venus and Mars on a Date by John Gray. It’s a good one.

  13. God’s left hand:

    I understand what you are saying. However, there are a lot of people who perceive that there IS a battle and the other sex is the enemy. That’s a fact whether there is a true battle or not their perception of the situation and resulting actions makes it very very real.

    I guess the best solution is realizing there doesn’t HAVE to be a battle of the sexes.

  14. I guess I’m from the old school where the guy pays for the date, all dates. I would of course invite the guy to dinner at my house and then all expenses are mine. But when going out, the guy pays always.

    I have Mars in Taurus on Algol squaring Venus in Leo that is on some two-headed sea serpent star. So not pretty. I have four squares in my chart that are male square female. I am kind, thoughtful, feminine but you wouldn’t know if you looked at my chart.

    I do have a difficult time being partnered because compromise is difficult for me. This is my dark side, I own it. I’m thankful that I have awareness of it now.

  15. With venus, mars, uranus conjunct Leo in 11th largely opposed to moon, I’m naturally easily friend with men, much more than woman. But I have friendship with some women who are not too competitive.

  16. Venus in Leo trine Mars in Sag.

    I feel like I always had an easy time dating, and that it was easy enough to meet men.

    When a guy asked me out, I let him pay. Once we’re girlfriend and boyfriend, I pay roughly half the time, without keeping score or anything silly like that.

    I especially paid more often when my significant other made less money than me, and this was the case in a couple of relationships.

  17. I get along very easily with men, not so much with other women. I regards to who’s paying, I believe in sharing the cost, or alternating. However, if a guy wants to be cordial and pay for everything, that’s fine by me!

  18. @Josi

    intimacy is not just sex, it`s an emotional thing, it`s having the guts to be open, vulnerable and to share yourself with somebody else, intimacy is the thing that separates “love making” from the “one night stand”

    an average “battle of the sexes” scenario would be a girl, that`s been dreaming of a prince (she hopes someone else will fix her problems), but instead of finding a proper guy, by at least letting people get close to her, she just shit-tests everybody, even the guy that could be her husband, plays hard to get, remains alone, than writes long posts on facebook, that there are no real man out there

    so who is the real enemy? where is it? well it`s your childish attitude, thinking that love and sex are different and separate things or am I wrong and you would sleep with someone whom you hate?

    everything starts with trust, than friendship, than getting closer

    you have problems with people and are single, you are basically afraid to let anyone close to you, than you blame it on a childish hallucination, that`s it

    Synonyms for intimacy: belonging, chumminess, closeness, inseparability, familiarity, nearness

    Antonyms: distance

    source:
    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/intimacy

    now have a nice day

  19. My Venus and Mars are conjunct in Leo in the 11th house. (With some Uranus thrown in for fun) In general, I treat lovers like friends but I expect a lot from my friends in re: loyalty and depth of relating.

    My first date with the FH (a.k.a., Former Husband): He was a college student so I made sure we had a coupon for the restaurant so he wouldn’t spend too much. My company managed the restaurant’s property so there might have been other perks, but that was over 25 years ago so I don’t really remember. I think he was pleased, but you never know. He did tell me once that I’m not like other women, though he left me for someone with loads of $$, so maybe that was a bad thing after all.

    If I were to go out on a first date now, I would hope that the other person paid, but that’s only because I live close to the federal poverty line. Otherwise, I’d tell him that I don’t even have the funds to go dutch, and I’d think of something cheap or free to do. That should make it clear that I’m not after his money–because I’m really not.

    ::rolls eyes::

    Chances are, I’m not getting that first date when I tell him how broke I am, huh? Oh well. I’ll live. 😉

    Meredith

  20. God’s Left Hand:

    Did I offend you? Because, I thought I was agreeing with you. I do realize that there is not an official battle of the sexes. I realize that it exists merely as a default defense mechanism on both sides.

    I agree spot on with your dissertation regarding what intimacy is, fairy tale syndrome, etc. I just don’t remember, or see evidence of poking at those issues in my response to you.

    Maybe my emphasis on certain words or..something..triggered you. If so, I apologize.It was not intentional.

    I’m having a good day. And hope you are as well.

  21. I’m with Josi. Just set it straight right out the gate, problem resolution.
    I really like it when a man automatically pays, though. It shows a take-charge attitude, and that really turns me on (even though I act like it doesn’t!). I don’t feel comfortable letting someone bare the burden all the time though. I know what it feels like to get taken advantage of, I’ve paid for my fair share of dates (like dinner and a movie for two). That’s why I know how good it feels when someone pays for mine.

  22. I come from an older generation where the man always paid – their earning power was far greater (and in most cases still is). I will occasionally take a man out for dinner, but it’s only a ‘special occasion’ thing within an established relationship. If a man earns less than me, he’d be dead broke, so I wouldn’t be going out with him anyway!

    As for the battle of the sexes, I think it’s foolish not to understand and acknowledge the very real differences between men and women. It’s when these are not faced (usually by women, who expect men to feel, react and behave as they do) that the ‘sex wars’ begin

    Men and women very often want quite different things from a relationship, and have very different modes of emotional expression, communication etc etc. That’s why so many exchanges between the sexes are adversarial: it’s partly built in, due the way we’re wired – and it’s partly due the way we approach our relationships (with Neptunian expectations!)

    • I am so happy I am not heterosexual.

      All my life I have sat back and watched the sexes duke it out and I have always wondered, “Why the heck do you guys even want to be near each other, never mind with each other.”

      It boggles my mind.

  23. If I could decree what to do in this situation, I’d just make everyone pay for their own damn food and leave it be. I’m tired of hearing about this fight.

    Way back in the day, the man paid because he had more money and the woman didn’t/probably couldn’t afford it. But this is the modern era–most of y’all can probably afford to feed yourselves. It just seems like a case of “Prove to me that you’re loaded, YOU have to pay because you have the penis.” And that just seems…kinda ucky.

    I do think it is a different situation if one person is so broke they can’t afford the meal. I tend to think whoever has the money and wants to see you should pay in that case (or else do something super cheap/free, as pointed out above). But saying by default “man pays or else he doesn’t like you enough,”–argh. We’re still not past this?

    Honestly, I hate being heterosexual. I really do. I’m tired of gender roles and “Man and woman are DIFFERENT!” crap that you always have to wade through.

  24. Sag Venus sq. Pisces Mars… I have always found men are attracted to my strong sense of independence. I prefer to pay my own way – then I don’t owe you squat. 😉

  25. Ive found that most men feel better paying. The ones that dont seem to have a lot of bitterness towards women.

    On a different level, when a man pays for a woman, it allows her to access her feminine essence, which is yin in nature and centered in the heart. When a woman has to worry about things like money, it takes her out of her heart and into the “world”. If a man wants to get the best out of a woman, hes wise to allow her that freedom from worldly matters. Of course, many women have confusion about this too, so it doesn’t always happen like that, but its an ideal.

    I know Ive posted it here before, but I think its relevant to this conversation. Its a Cherokee phrase.

    “A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul so as to unite him with Source. A man’s highest calling is to protect woman so she is free to walk the earth unharmed.” In my mind, part of protecting women is caring for their basic needs, so that she can focus on leading a man to his soul. Unfortunately our society has just created a bunch of worker bees, women are forced to leave the hearth of the home and compete with men, and children are left to be raised by the system. Things are so messed up. This issue of who pays on a first date, is just a metaphor for what’s really going on.

    • i like that definition of being taken out of the heart and into the world, and the cherokee phrase. we could dig deeper and say that it’s mother issues for those men who are bitter against women, and father issues or agreement with father, or wants to take the role of the man/wear the pants for the woman.
      ultimately, whatever suits the couple.I notice that one party will try to make the other ‘adapt” and it’s up to the other person if they want that adaptation. If not, well, not compatible. lol deinitely agree with the article. i am earth dominant so i had a harsh, lack of material and food growing up, so it feels awesome to be spoiled. from a strict harsh background; we had food but not in a luxury way, where we can eat what we want. It was very basic, and i was constantly under nourished. not my parents fault, but mine because i refused to eat the foods they had. it was later after i left home that my parents finally changed their eating habits. Even when I return home, they eat luxuriously and indulgently, which i’m very happy about because they suffered alot, scraping and working hard, when i was little and i saw that. my venus/mars is compatible, an easy trine/sextile. not square or opposition, or conjunction.

      that photo above is so classic.

  26. I am not heterosexual.

    I do not identify with any gender.

    I think of myself only as a human being, a unique one, and I treat every person I encounter the same: as another unique human being, to be discovered, loved and respected for who they are.

    Putting people in boxes is akin to putting them in caskets. You lose the individual.

    • I think its wise to recognize the things we have in common as well as the things that make us unique. To understand the simultaneous nature of being one and being many is a beautiful thing.

      I personally do not necessarily identify with any gender either. But here on this plane, theres certain energetic interactions. I prefer yin/yang to male/female because those have become loaded concepts in our culture. But essentially those two opposing/complimentary forces are what we are ALWAYS dealing with here.

      Balancing those two in the being, actually somehow polarizes your personal expression into one or the other and projects the other onto another being. I dont know why it happens like this, but thats how it happened in my case. Its kind of paradoxical.

      So basically since Ive started to integrate those two within myself, my yin nature has presented itself more in my persona. Im definitely not in a box though and dont desire to put anyone else in one. Its not about that.

  27. Gaaaaahhhh! I can’t stand people who want to war with the opposite sex, or even their own, in a relationship. I see a lot of it. Just get with the person whose Venus and Mars chimes with your own. I have Venus and Mars conjunct in the 7th; conflict over who pays for dinner dates doesn’t come into the equation.

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